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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How To Make My Husband Feel Safe...
FR2012
♀ Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I go back to work?

I am currently on maternity leave and am scheduled to go back to work in 2 weeks.

I am going back to the same job as I had before and my AP will more than likely still be there. Now, I have had NC since D-Day. My husband doesn't think that I will cheat again. But just the thought that I am going back to that place is starting to distress him.

I am trying to get out of there. I am going back to work, working for 10 weeks and then starting school in December. I am in school until the end of next summer and then hopefully I will be gone from there. The thing is, I am going to be there for at least another year.

I understand totally how much this is distressing him.

I am just wondering if there are some ways that I can make him feel safe when I go back to work in a couple weeks.


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no way to get a different job?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4866 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
FR2012
♀ Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have to look for another job first. Then when and if I got hired, I would have to train and then tell them in 3 months that I am starting school and I wouldn't be available as much. Then I would probably be quitting at the end of summer next year.

It is really hard to find work. I was out of work for 6 months before I found this job and it's only part-time.

I am trying to be at my job as less as possible. That is why I am going back to school. So that I won't be there as much but still able to make money.


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have a smartphone with a GPS tracker? We use Life 360 which is free. I think it helps BH feel a *little* safer to know where I am.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you start school sooner? Do you have to work? If you do then plan your communication with VD, there is nothing but being "in it" to get through it. Good luck


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
FR2012
♀ Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

20WrongsVs1

We do have smartphones but they are not recent phones. They are over 2 years old now and they were not the greatest phones when we got them. I mentioned to my husband that I would put a GPS on my phone but he told me that he doesn't want to live like that because then he would go insane and not want to be with me.

I think my husband actually tried to get a GPS tracker working on my phone after D-Day but for some reason couldn't get it to work. So I am not sure.

Hardlessons

I could start school in October but I chose to start in December so that I could work a bit and hopefully save some money. I am going to have to get OSAP and when we have to pay it back I don't want to be paying it back the rest of my life. So that is the main reason why I am going back to work now and starting school in December.

When I was working earlier this year before I went on maternity leave, I made sure that I had a lot of contact with my husband so he knew that things were okay. Even when I go out to do errands on my own, I always make sure that I always have some kind of contact with him. I am going to continue to prove myself to him so that he knows that everything is okay. I know it is still hard for him sometimes but I am just going to keep doing what I am doing to make him feel safe.


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
finallyfree2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't work with former AP but I often met up with him when I was traveling to work in my other office 60+ miles away.

So it was a huge trigger every time I had to work in that office. My H and I agreed to a phone call once a day at an agreed upon time just to check in and say hi.

In addition if my H was really stressed he could ask me to take a pic of where I was at any given time to prove I was actually there.

It didn't go on like that for long and eventually H loosened up and his triggers got less when I was gone.

Good luck to you!



Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2013
FR2012
♀ Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

finallyfree

Calling in one thing that I always do and have done since before D-Day. I usually call at my lunch and am able to talk to him for 10-20 minutes.

If my husband wants me to take pictures of where I am, I am more than willing.

Anything that I can do to make him feel more at ease, I will for surely do for him.


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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