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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Good and bad, but mostly good...weekend!
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I usually post here when I'm feeling helpless and my world is falling apart. Sorry guys. I should balance it out with some good stuff.

This weekend I was depressed all Friday, Saturday and Sunday. However, within all that, Yesterday (Sunday) ended pretty well. My FWW hugged me and said that I was an amazing husband. To put up with all that I did, and stick around, plus reading all the books and gaining all this knowledge about affairs, sexual child abuse victims, and to wait for her to get off the fog and off of limbo. Not to mention how sometimes she does pull back and just wants to be alone. Sometimes even pushes me away and it's been over a year of hurt on a daily basis.

If anything, she's starting to recognize that I'm worth something. She told me I was a better person than she was. I wasn't gloating, but it felt good that she gave me recognition. I was speechless as I don't know what to say?

How does one really get some sort of acknowledgement for all that you suffered and how do you process it? All the pain you endured, you stuck around, you kept to your vows...etc, etc. What's the prize? Her loyalty back? Her loving me more? I don't know, but at this point I'm numb. All I need this moment is my security back.

Anyway, just glad it all ended well. And now on to another week. Always filled with challenges.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 10:22 AM, September 9th (Monday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I think that her saying what she said is a bit of a prize. That she recognizes your worth and appreciates all that you have done.

People are messed up. WSs are messed up. If they are honestly trying to fix their issues and become better people that's something. May or may not be enough for any individual BS, but it's something.

I told my H just this am that he really seems to have changed. He answered "of course I've changed." But I meant deep inside. He is behaving in ways that seem natural for him instead of just designed to appease me. Noticing me, thanking me for all I do, helping however he can, being loving and acting adoring. He is so much happier and more relaxed.

I did say that I had always been this way, which he acknowledged sadly. But I cheered him back up by saying that I was just so happy that he notices now.

My prize is that I have the M that I never dreamed was possible. And for now, it's worth it.

Good luck to you.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1760 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My prize is that I have the M that I never dreamed was possible. And for now, it's worth it.

I don't think I've reached that quite yet Catlover, but I'm looking forward to it. Part of me wants to leave her because it's been on going pain daily for too long.

I do see a bit of a change. She also said that she feels like she can REALLY talk to me now. I guess she had so much built inside of her that since the volcano erupted, the air is clear now.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does one really get some sort of acknowledgement for all that you suffered and how do you process it? All the pain you endured, you stuck around, you kept to your vows...etc, etc. What's the prize? Her loyalty back? Her loving me more? I don't know, but at this point I'm numb. All I need this moment is my security back.

There is no prize. There's tomorrow. If she swore eternal fidelity and loyalty and love to you RIGHT NOW, you would wake up tomorrow and nothing would be different than today, before she made oath, because that takes time and effort.

You establish security when you observe solid boundaries.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7483 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing - Thank you. Yeah, she's been good on the boundaries. Something I don't even have to remind her. She's well aware and scared to cross at this time. Hopefully time won't soften those boundaries.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 5

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