Well here is the problem. The one time that he brought her to our house he picked her up in his truck. She gave him a BJ on their way to our house while he "played around with her". I can not sit in his truck. I will not go anywhere near it. Just walking into the garage and seeing it sitting there is a huge trigger. So, we have been taking my car everywhere. There will come a time, probably really soon, that I will have to go in his truck. Winter is coming, we live in the snow belt on top of a hill. It will either be go in his truck or be stuck at home for who knows how long.
I really want him to sell it and buy something else. However, it is paid off but he bought it in 2001 brand new and it is now only worth between $5,000 and $6,000. He needs something reliable to get to work. My daughter will be going to college next year and he makes to much money for her to get a grant. She is applying for scholarships but we will still have a huge college expense as most scholarships are based on financial need. Then 3 yrs after she goes my youngest will go to college. We really can't afford another car payment on top of college expenses, we are still paying for mine.
So do I ask him to sell his truck and buy a used one for whatever he gets out of his. Or do I just go buy some seat covers and scrub the damn thing down with bleach and lysol and try to deal with it?
I made him get rid of our bed and buy me a new one and he has agreed to sell our home, that we both love(d), when the kids all go to college. Is asking him to sell his truck asking to much?
I haven't mentioned it to him, so I am not sure how he will respond. But so far he has been willing to do anything I need without hesitation.
[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 11:48 AM, September 9th (Monday)]
I don't think it's asking too much at all. Get a used one for whatever you sell his for.
I would LOVE to get rid of my husband's truck, but I don't have nearly as legitimate an excuse as you do. She was only in it once, in the back seat, with other people in the truck, way before they ever started their A.
The main reason I hate it is it just reminds me of him sneaking off in it to go see her. He says she was never in it during the A, she never walked him to it and kissed him goodbye or anything. But still I look forward to the day it is gone.
However, had he done in it what your husband did . . it would so be gone like yesterday.
It's not asking too much. Get rid of it.
I wouldn't sit in his SUV either, because they made out in it. It took him 5 months and one day to sell it.
One day I was riding my triathlon bike and I took a spill and needed to go to the ER. I called him to let him know but I refused to ride his car. I drove my bike another 5 miles because this. Am I stubborn - probably. Did he underestimate the trigger - yes.
Had I been the WS in this situation I would have sold that car the first day FOR A LOSS. Some people just don't get it.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
Just my opinion, but if he accepts responsibility for the affair, and for you healing, then he has many options.
1) Buy a new/used vehicle
2) Carpool with someone
3) Hitch Hike
4) Ride the bus
5) Take a cab
6) Walk or crawl to work.
If he really loves you and wants it to work for the long run, he will find a way to ease your triggers, and prove to everyone that he's committed to you and the marriage.
But, I don't know. I tend to like to face these things head on. I feel like, this is my truck. My dad's truck, and I'll let go of it when I damn well want to. H has been suggesting we sell it, because it does trigger me sometimes, but most of the time I am ok with it.
I don't like feeling like the A wins, KWIM? Am I the only one?
I edit, therefore I am.
Just a thought - I don't know if it would function well in your sitch, but most of the trucks I see around here are never used for the things they were designed to do.
I have used different ways to deal with different triggers. They use to meet up on one of the trails in a public nature reserve in the summer, Classy right! I spent every day walking those trails until it no longer bothered me. I'm not sure if I could go there with him yet. But maybe one day. I can however drive past the entrance without breaking down now. Her house, their main meeting spot is on my way to the gym, I forced myself to drive past it instead of taking another route. I can now drive past it without looking to see if she is outside. I made myself go bowling where they use to bowl together.
My bed, my house, my toilet in our master bath (which thankfully broke today and we are replacing tomorrow)and his truck are all things that I just can't get over. The bed has been replaced, the house we will be selling in a few years but in the meantime I am redecorating everything. But just the sight of his truck makes me sick to my stomach! It had some pretty good memories attached to it. We took his truck on our honeymoon and to races, we took the kids camping and to the beach in that truck. But every memory I have in that truck is tainted now.
He does need a truck. He uses it to haul all kinds of stuff. Firewood, band equipment, motorcycles etc.
I think I'll go look around and see what kind of trucks are for sale around here! That way I can give him some options. Maybe I will do it like I did when I decided I needed a new car. I went and picked it out,brought it home and took a pic of it in the garage and sent it to him. He replied " Um? Something I should know? The next day he went to look at it and we picked it up the day after that. He didn't have much choice. But honestly, when I explain to him why I want him to get rid of it I really think he will understand and the for sale sign will go in it immediately.
I KWYM, and I am really tired of feeling like his A and the skanky whore are controlling my life. With most things I have been able to face it and move on. But things like sitting where her naked skanky ass sat and laying in the same spot that he fucked her... yeah those things I just don't think I can let them go. Plus that fact that we run into her every where and I know her...I know how she thinks. When she sees him still driving that truck she is thinking that he hasn't told me everything so that he can keep it, to keep a memory of her. That is the way skanky whore thinks.
I couldn't stand it any longer. I sent him an email explaining how I feel about his truck. He just emailed me back with a truck that he found for sale.
We are in R.
I might have been able to get over this trigger. But, why should I have to? He fucked up. Not me! So he gets to forfeit his truck. And the trucks he is looking at are ones I like and completely different than what he has now.
kudos to you for letting him know, calmly ,(I am sooo not like that) and he had the absolutely correct response!
BTW, we sold the car he drove an OW in. We also sold his old motorcycle that he went to see OW in. We MOVED out of the area where OW are and we NEVER went to places where his OW are. Hard because he had multiples. I loose track of where is what half the time. I swear if an OW come to apologize to me or bitch to me, I would have to ask which one is she.
So yea sell the truck.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
OW gave H oral sex in his car (while he was driving!!) and I HATE going near it. Luckily I don't ever have to drive the thing. I think I'd have an anxiety attack. I want him to get rid of it because I don't want HIM to remember it either but unfortunately our finances won't allow it right now.