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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Triggered Hard yesterday
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and I went to church yesterday morning. It started great. Kids in the nursery, hugs and handshakes from some cherished people, both of us singing with our amazing praise team. Then, the sermon. I lost count of the number of times the preacher mentioned the word prostitute or fornication. I almost lost it when he talked about how darkly sexual immorality marks our very soul. Then, on to Sunday school. Conversations with long-time friends. Good food and coffee. And, a lesson about temptation. My teacher actually said 'an adulteress promises pleasure for what? 15 minutes? But at what cost?' I disappeared into my chair.
Fast-forward to after lunch. We are at the mall. My H is getting a haircut and I'm pushing our boys around in a stroller in center court. I see some plus-size mannequins in a store window and that does it (OW2 lives in town and is plus size. Seeing any female with her body shape/size, including myself, sometimes makes me anxious). But this wasn't the simple paranoia of running into her that I normally feel. Oh no. I was literally paralyzed with fear. The room went blurry. I was instantly nauseous and panicky. I had to force myself to breathe normally and start walking away from center court and back to the salon. I have NEVER reacted that badly to a trigger. Especially not in public and to something as inconsequential as a mannequin.
Later, I realized that I was pushing our older son in a stroller while my H got his hair cut in that salon and OW5 sat in a hotel room a couple states away waiting for him to come back (he'd been sent home unexpectedly to do a job in between his out of state jobs). Maybe it was just everything all at once, but I'm still a little shook up over my reaction today.

Posts: 986 | Registered: Jan 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((musiclovingmom)))


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs for you MLM! Triggers suck.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many messages that cut to the core in such a short time - no wonder you triggered.

Your body and mind can only take so much before it has a physical reaction.

You have had a lot to deal with. OW#5?

I hope you are seeking IC for yourself. It helps to get a neutral person to help you navigate the waters.

Deep breaths and good luck. I hope your H is being good to you.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2013
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1Faith - yeah. OW5. All 5 in less than a year. 2 online and 3 old girlfriends. It's been quite the mess to sort through. I'm not currently in IC. I did quite a bit of IC in my early college years and just never felt comfortable being really real with a counselor. Never found one who called me on bs-ing them and the options around here really haven't changed since then.
I journal. And, I have a couple of close friends who have experienced infidelity in their relationships.
My H was fantastic. He held me all through church and Sunday school. He immediately knew something was wrong when I got back to the salon and asked. I told him we'd discuss it later because I didn't want some random stylist in our business. HE brought it back up when we left. Apologized. Put his arm around my waist. Watched the boys while I rested for a bit when we got home. And, made sure that we had some light-hearted tv time (instead of an action or sci-fi flick) after the kids went to bed. I really count the day as a success except for that moment.

Posts: 986 | Registered: Jan 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be too hard on yourself. Triggers are tricky little things.

All things considered, I am glad you made it through.

Keep seeking honesty, love and transparency.

Perhaps MC at your church or with your pastor?

God is good and He believes in the sacrament of marriage. God certainly helped get me through the darkest days.

Good luck.

Hugs


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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