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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Triggering
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Sad  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh...between the 9/11 anniversary (discussed "Off Topic") deluge and my fWH's birthday I can't seem to get the tears to stop. Last year fWH went to see his MOW first before coming home to celebrate his bday with our DD. He got home so late that DD fell asleep and was really upset about not spending any time with him. It was the one day that she thought they would be spending time together because all other days he was "working late" .

I also expect that if the MOW will break NC it will be today. We've had no contact for over 3 months now so I guess I just expect the worst.

Now on top of this DD is triggering really bad. Just like me, she equates the beginning of the school year as the time of year that "daddy went cra cra and hurt momma". It is so hard to comfort her when I am hurting as well.

Sorry just feeling sorry for myself.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 408 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Mack & DD)))

I'm sorry you and DD are triggering. Can your fWH do anything to help you through this? Also, is he able to spend extra time with your DD? Maybe he can make her a card and tuck it in her lunchbox. Just a little sign from him that he loves her and is there for her.


Posts: 35919 | Registered: Mar 2011
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have that going on, too. Nearly Exh only comes a few days out of a whole month to see DD and is still making a lot of changes to things left with her and she doesn't understand it. And he has thrown boundaries to the wind and routine doesn't matter to him so he doesn't seem to remember that it still matters to a young child to have routine to cling to.

She told me recently some things that hurt my heart for her...she told me that she sleeps in front of the door when he takes her to visit so that he can't bolt without her knowing. I cried for several days and find that sometimes her pain is harder to witness than mine.

Yes...it is a massive undertaking to attempt to comfort another person when we are in agony. I can relate.

On the matter of triggers, I actually wrote a little blurb about it in the divorce/sep area because I've been studying it lately as a coping mechanism and because I've been missing more of life than I want to anymore.

Part of my theme is to work really hard on my own thinking and to work on catching my thoughts when they wander. I understand that you are in the reconciling area so that's different dimensions, but I will try to say that we can control the triggers by controlling our thoughts.

One way I learned to do this is to make my thoughts about what I can control, what's within the walls of my house, car or life and push my thoughts back to those areas.

Those are difficult topics that you mention, Mack, but can be turned around in some ways and I hope you will get to a time to be able to do so. It's empowering.

One thing I tell myself when the tears won't go away is, "I'm ok." I look around at my surroundings and take mental notes...and continually remind myself "I'm okay." And I breath and I count at the same time.

I wish you peace.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ashland, I need that today. Thanks.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 4

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