Anyway, that's where I find myself today. Ask again tomorrow and you're likely to get something different. I'm sure you're all familiar with this roller coaster, though. I wonder if anyone else has a story similar to mine? It's in some ways easier because there's not this other woman that I have to worry about him being in love with. In some ways it seems harder because I am disgusted and left trying to figure out why he wanted anyone and everyone but me.
Please read it.
It is highly unlikely he has never met any of these people. You need to read this thread, get STD tested immediately, and see a doctor and lawyer immediately.
I know in general people like to say, if you are young and there are no kids, cut and run with anything less than 100% remorse. It's easy to say that when it's not you. But please understand it takes a very advanced level of broken to pursue anonymous sexual encounters and it will take a long time for him to fix himself, even if he threw himself into it full force right away, which does not sound likely ATM.
I wouldn't wish this special sort of hell on anyone, and if I didn't have kids I would have immediately filed D, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and never looked back. But because he is the father of my kids, and it wasn't legally advantageous on many levels for me to do so, I had to take another path to at least try.
You don't have to make any decisions on your M today. Today all you need to do is read this thread, and make appointments with your doctor and lawyer. Eat, sleep, and cry when you need to. You will get tons of great support on this thread. Keep posting.
Your story is a bit like mine. I found several things over the years just like you did. I found emails, pictures, craigslist ads and his replies, phone #'s in the emails. I confronted him and he would say it was all online, a fantasy of sorts. He would also be very remorseful, at first, then like your wh, would think I should be over it by now.
In April, I went to the dr for my yearly pap test and found out I had herpes. She told me I could have had it for years and it just now broke out, but I knew better. I confronted my wh and he denied it at first. Then he told me he met someone on Ashley Madison and had sex with her. I kept questioning him because I didn't believe him. He then said it was a prostitute from cl.
My advice to you would be to not believe him. Keep looking, keep questioning him and get an STD test.
I know it's easier said than done, but please trust me, from someone who has been there, it's probably for the best. Now I'm almost 12 years into the M, 3 kids, and essentially stuck.
Do you want to spend the rest of your M always wondering if he's cheating? Do you want to spend all your time worrying, checking up on him, always waiting for the other shoe to drop? How would you feel 10 years from now if you find out that he just took this behavior underground and you just wasted the past 10 years?
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz
Had I known about it at the time, I would have gotten a D. Unfortunately, as time goes on and lives become more intertwined, it is much more difficult to D from a financial standpoint. I could still leave her now, of course, but it would have been easier to do it early on.
You are young, you have no kids, and you are newly married to a cheater. My advice? Get out now! You are one of the lucky ones who found out right away. Use that to your advantage and get out.
Life's too short to be caught up in a quagmire of crap.
To me it sounds like your H really doesn't know what to expect in your healing. That it isn't just an I'm sorry and all is well. You might want to read some in the wayward section. I think there is a thread about what a betrayed spouse needs to heal. From such threads you might be able to pass on some helpful information to your H.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
I am not telling you to D your WH. If you want to make your marriage work however, he has got to own what he is doing and seek help. Otherwise you will spend a lifetime like myself in a messed up marriage with an unremorseful spouse. (((HUGS)))
I will clarify, I was pretty frustrated when I wrote yesterday, I don't think he isn't remorseful and I don't think he's unwilling to do what it takes. I think he just doesn't know what it's going to take, and up to this point, I've been unable to communicate that to him and ask for what I want. I plan on pursuing IC to learn how to tell him what I need, and I also think we need more MC. I think after our first MC session went so well, it left him with the feeling that all was right... and he needs to understand that it's not, and won't be for some time.
Thanks for the thread recommendation, Movingupward. I will check that out and pass along.