I can relate, M.S.
Perv chose an OW who needed a father figure/male role model but in so doing, left none here. Things in his own life became very hard-job loss and other stresses and several counselors we had think some of his FOO issues also triggered at the same time-possible MLC, if you believe in them. I believe in a form of them and think he's stuck in one and OW is juvenile and eggs him on.
Anyway...I was just writing some of this story to say that I can relate to your thoughts about "insta family" because he traded us for a different model with money, FWIH (from what I hear). The going here was rough, but some of his own doing and he shut down prior to abandonment rather than working on things he said were problems.
Like you, I went down memory lane and remembered a break up or two we had in early days and what shocked me was that it was about the same issue! This was almost 20 years ago.
Your red flag sentiments ring true here because maybe I would have handled things differently, too.
I like to think Perv had love at one time...his mannerisms etc, showed it and I hope your WH had love at one point, too. I would have trouble going on with the belief that it was all a farce because for me, it wasn't and it sounds like it wasn't for you, either.
You're ahead of me because I haven't been able to bring myself to touch stuff he gave me or wedding things...not sure when that will be. I give you credit for doing it and now you have new closet space!Ashland 13
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan