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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: thoughts on trust
gettingthere2013
♀ Member
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kind of kicking this around in my head...maybe I don't have to focus on trusting H if I know I can trust myself. There has literally never been a time when my gut was wrong...even the LTA,I knew when it was happening(got a UTI and yeast infection,H got his ED drugs filled at an out of town pharmacy),but I didn't listen to that voice inside that was telling me something was wrong(H had semi plausibile explanations for it all). The ONS with a co-worker? I knew something had been off while he was on that business trip,couldnt put my finger on it.

I've been waiting for this magical moment when my trust in him is restored. Now I'm thinking I trust myself and let trust in him happen on it's own.

Opinions,anyone?


Me:BW(42)
Him:WH(40)
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Reconciling...in all our

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that is all you really can do. Trust isn't really a decision. You can try to decide to trust, or I have, but I failed miserably. I don't and won't trust a word he says for a very indefinite amount of time.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the double post!!

[This message edited by SpiderGrl at 3:11 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! I think you are spot on. That is a good place to reach Well done.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6449 | Registered: Jan 2011
JalenB521
♂ New Member
Member # 40504
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, just focus on trusting yourself. Not only that, focus on making yourself happy. Marriage takes both parties but each has to be able to make themselves happy before they can make the other happy.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Aug 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds right to me, too.

T/J - ED drugs at 40? When I got hit at 50 (and, boy, I wish Viagra had been available then!), it turned out I had some sort of curable infection that greatly enlarged my prostate. Has your H looked into this with his doc?

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:55 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10100 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
gettingthere2013
♀ Member
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H has blood circulation issues due to high blood pressure,and has for several years. ED drugs have been a godsend,but they're a balancing act with his other meds.


Me:BW(42)
Him:WH(40)
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Reconciling...in all our

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
Topic Posts: 7

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