Every time I confronted him, he always said, "I have no idea what you're talking about!"
Sure. I know better. Cheaters will always deny.
So...last night, a strange number texts me and says that he has been "watching our texts" and that my WH has something he wants and if this something is given back, then the text messages will stop. And that I'm not supposed to worry, because as long as he gets what he wants, no one will get hurt.
What this is implying as that this guy has cloned my WH phone and has been sending texts to look like my WH was unfaithful and that he will stop doing this, if he gets what he wants.
Either, I need to be really scared - this is extortion - and could harm myself and my family. This would also mean that my WH actually has not been unfaithful and I have been manipulated.
Or...my husband is creating an elaborate and convenient scheme to get away with prostitutes and not being divorced. He could have done this by spoofing his caller id or having someone with a different area code text me.
My WH does say he knows this guy from a long time ago and that he is bad, bad news and has done very bad, bad things.
I won't state my course of action at this point and ride the tide. Because I am a bit scared of what this guy has hacked into. Apparently, he knows when and where my husband and i are at any given moment.
Point being: maybe he has been faithful this whole time. But...if he has this criminal history that was unknown to me before we got married, I may just seek annulment, due to fraud.
[This message edited by Athena1979 at 5:38 PM, September 9th (Monday)]
If someone *really* went through the trouble to clone your H's phone then it's either A) someone with access to Russian-mafia style resources to bust into cell carrier databases and not get hosed or B) someone with such close access to his phone that your H wouldn't notice the guy swiping it to grab the SIM card out of it long enough to perform the cloning process.
It sounds like a typical fail plot from some stupid ass show like NUMB3RS to me (HOOOOORAY ITZ IRC WHAR TEH HAXERZ GOE) but it's possible he pissed off somebody scary.
I'm also pretty sure he's going to make this guy out to be evil as sin but will never give his name out, because he's such a scary guy (i.e. doesn't exist). You know, the way that all the OW out there have abusive BS's who will come after the WS if it comes out that they're having an affair.
But, I still want to be cautious.
It will be interesting if this an elaborate hoax.
Can I win a trophy for craziest story a WS has ever come up with?
There were supposedly "threats" to the safety of us all from MOW.
Normal reaction to scary threats? - Report to police out of concern for wife, self, and family.
HIS reaction? - continue seeing MOW out of concern for our safety.
This cost him our marriage and any future relationship with his grown daughter.
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.
The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.
I'd simply go right to the police with this one. I would not say a word about it to him. I would NOT tell your WH that you have done this or that you plan to do so. I would act without saying a word. The "no one will get hurt if...." is a threat and the police will take that seriously. Please don't wait.
I'd wager that WH is the source.
If my WH was willing to come up with a crazy, not very well thought out plot (love the numbers reference), I'd be scared of what other failed story lines he might invent, and crazy ideas he would come up with to act out in real life.
This makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I don't think danger to you comes in the form of some outside mystery "bad" guy.
After reading your old posts, I am afraid for you.
Acts of desperation and manipulation like this are not normal rational behavior. Sure sometimes a normal person can do out of character things in a moment of desperation....but this is a pattern. And again based on your posts, it seems to be escalating as the stakes get higher.
Please protect yourself and your children first. You can get to the bottom of rest after you have ensured your own safety. And if it IS someone else...you are still protecting yourself either way.
This makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I don't think danger to you comes in the form of some outside mystery "bad" guy
If your WH is behind this, it points to a deeply disordered person.
I remember the story of Christopher Coleman, a WH who killed his wife and two sons, because his employer frowned on divorce. He sent himself fake threats for six months beforehand to make it look like a mystery man did it.
I am not saying that your WH is homicidal, but this needs very close examination and immediate police involvement.
Please, please, take steps to protect yourself.
This 'mystery caller" who your WH claims he knew a long time ago and " that he is bad, bad news and has done very bad, bad things" has told you as long as your WH gives him what he wants,no one will get hurt...so this "bad bad man" has threatened you..and your children..with physical harm..if your WH doesn't give him whatever it is he says he has??
First...I don't buy it. I think your WH made this up. And I think your WH is a very VERY sick man. He has invented this "bad bad man" to threaten his BW and his kids..to terrify you. All because he got caught cheating.
Second..if it is true..and your WH has placed you and your kids in physical danger because of his dealings or associations with this "bad bad man" then your WH is *still* a very sick man.
I would call the police..to your home..and tell them what is going on..with your WH there. If this is made up,your WH will crack under questioning. He might be able to scare you,but the cops will see through his bullshit.
Then...I'd ask them to wait while he packed his shit and got the Hell out of my house.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Did your WS at all say "you see I told you those texts weren't from me?" Cause you don't mention that. I'm also not sure why you haven't demanded for him to tell you what it is he has of this "other" person. If you did demand, what did he say?
Chances are he has made this up, but if there is the slightest chance your WS has something this person wants then you need to protect yourself and your children.
Your husband sent the message you received, or had someone else do it, to manipulate you. My husband had "favorite" stripper/hookers; they did all kinds of things to keep getting paid with money we didn't have.
I wholeheartedly agree that you should treat this like a valid threat and have the police come to your house--when your husband is home and can be questioned. First, if it IS true, you need their help. If not, it will draw your husband closer to the help he very clearly needs. Tell them of his involvement with prostitutes-- after all, the "bad, bad man" might be affiliated with them and therefore an important part of the "mystery."
I don't know if your marriage can or should be saved. I do know that if your husband is ever to stop his spiral, he needs to hit bottom. And he seem to need someone to pull the bottom closer so he slams into it sooner.
eta - if the texts do physically show up on clones (which I find doubtfully but I am no techie) it still doesn't mean he didn't send them all.
I think I'm with the others on this - bring it to the police.
[This message edited by Take2 at 8:25 AM, September 16th (Monday)]
This man has been handcuffed for domestic violence by the police, and then later blamed you for missing a half day of work, after you had a major panic attack at work.
He fabricated a story about your baby BLEEDING to death and being airlifted to a hospital, because he needed to manipulate someone to whom he owed money.
He is a (registered?)SO
He has confused you using your faith against you and worked his way back into your house after you kicked him out.
He has found a way plant a seed of doubt about his activities....even though you had put integrated messaging on his phone? You have seen the messages time and again.
And now he has introduced the threat of the mysterious Bad Bad Man. Real or not.
Has he ever had a pysch evaluation?
He has learned how to confuse and manipulate you and convince you to doubt that which you believe, to question your own sanity.
What won't he do??
You need help to stay steadfast AND safe.
Go to the police without letting him know that you plan to do it. Do not tip him off. If history is any indication, he will find a way to talk you out of it, just like he has done every other time you have made a decision relating to him. If he feels that he can't talk you out of reporting the threat, I am concerned what he might do to prevent you from doing so.
I can see the rationale behind having him there when the police come to question him, but I feel that once you have reported the incident are you may tip him off out your conflicted sense of guilt? I think he will then resort to old tactics and try to talk you out of involving the police. And if he can't talk you out it..and believes he is losing control over you, over his ability to protect his lifestyle, what will he do then? Will he do something that results in his needing handcuffs?
I don't think you should be alone with him, nor should your children.
I know the house is yours, and its your home, but until you are safely away from this man, can you find some place to go where he will not have access to you? Is there a shelter or anywhere that you could go just to get away, while you get things sorted out? Can you call your IC for additional support?
Your association with him, keeps putting you at risk, whether it's from him or those with whom he keeps company.
The deputy asked what would happen if he called my WH. I told him I didn't know and I told him that we were estranged currently and for all I knew, he was making it all up.
About a half hour later, my WH calls me and says he just got off the phone with the deputy. He said that the stuff was artwork. He gave me the whole story of what happened and how he came to acquire this artwork 20 years ago. He told me what he is going to do about it, blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, i think he is full of crap and that the story is super convenient and so elaborate that "how could anyone make up something like that?" I tell you who, my WH is a pro at making up elaborate schemes.
What he has done is make all of the texting unvalidated (is that a word, I don't know). All he has to say is, "oh, you seen a txt to a prostitute? It must have been that guy messing with me."
So this is his new excuse. I will have to catch him in the act to prove myself. If I feel that I need to prove myself. I don't want to worry about it anymore or him.
I figure that someday, when my girls are grown, and they ask why I kicked him out, I can say "because he chose prostitutes. He enjoyed them and didn't want to give them up." And not have them go to their father and hear him retell this elaborate story of someone cloning his phone.
I can either hire a private investigator to get pictures for proof where he will then drop the elaborate story and go back to I'm not showing him enough affection or communication or whatever reason he was always giving.
My WH is rather predictable. He usually gets the girls on Sundays.
The other option I've been playing with is finding him soliciting himself on Craigslist and then ask for his "services" for myself (pretending to be someone else of course) and then meet him at hotel or said location.
My fake email address would be "firstname.lastname@example.org. Just to see of he figures it out!