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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: understanding
nogoodap1
♂ Member
Member # 38595
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

now I know as a WBF I have to be understanding. and be it as much as I most possibly can be... which isn't always as easy as it can be at times. I become so frustrated at times and loose my cool and say the wrong things at exactly the wrong time. now one thing that my BGF has pointed out to me and I will say "I get it" or "I understand" when she is telling me how she feels about anything she can talk about. when truly I do not fully understand.

I can tell when she says "I'm upset"... that she's upset but unless I was in her shoes I would never fully understand.

on bigger topics like being able to trust me again or believe me I can partly understand but will never fully understand and live in a na´ve world where, "she says this now but give it time and it'll be all better" or at least good enough where trust is there.

when in reality it'll never be there... and this is what I need to understand. I need to listen that she's probably not blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel bad, but that she really wont be able to trust me ever. and that I lose all things of freedom for the rest of my life with her as a result of my actions.

now I have made a decision to stick this out no matter what. I just have to stop living in a fantasy world and live in reality. one where she's meaning what she's saying and will be this way forever with me. not saying this stuff because she is angry.

[This message edited by nogoodap1 at 10:07 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Me: SAWBF
Her: BGF
Status: I'll let you know when I know. working on us and I'm becoming a whole new and improved me.
D-day #1 2-18-13
D-day #2 6-13-14
D-day #3 8-17-14
*Only PM with men, thanks*

Posts: 134 | Registered: Mar 2013
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

say the wrong things at exactly the wrong time.

What kind of things do you say wrong?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6101 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and that I lose all things of freedom for the rest of my life with her as a result of my actions.

What kinds of freedoms do you feel you're losing?

You're worried that your BGF will never trust you again. About trust... What things do you need to do so you can live an authentic life for the rest of your life? What are your values? What ones do you want to keep, and what ones do you want to change?


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3911 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
nogoodap1
♂ Member
Member # 38595
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

unexpected,
We were having an argument Sunday and it started because I didn't knock on the bathroom door when she was in there taking a shower. Instead I just opened the door.

Her daughter asked what she could have for a snack and I went to relay the question. Now she has said numerous times that I am not allowed in there when she's taking a shower and to respect her privacy.. And I didn't listen.

I had been reading "Not just friends" before she got in the shower and was reading it after she came out of getting dressed. and I got heated to the point where I threw the book in anger.. something I'm not proud of. and I needed to cool down and walked into the bathroom to calm down because I wasn't liking who I was. and while doing that she proceeded to rip the book up which crushed me because I really wanted to read the book.

so I come out and clean it up and lay down. then when all the arguing had stopped I said to her and we were arguing calmly I said "I wont help anymore" (or something to that nature) which I would never do I love helping as much as I can. which infuriated her.

silver,
The freedoms I have lost are things in the nature of visiting a friend without her or pretty much doing most things without her involving other people. Going to a bar to meet a friend for a drink or two. Being able to make plans last minute involving going somewhere.

Keep in mind I'm ok with all of this I can accept so much because while I care about a lot of my friends most of them are shit people. As far as their sense of humor or their way of handling their relationships. My BGF is my best friend and I spend more time with her in 3 days than I do with other friends in 6 months. So if I lose friendships because of their not understanding me then they weren't a real friend anyways and some have already been lost that way. Others by choice.

What things do you need to do so you can live an authentic life for the rest of your life?

There is so much stuff that I am working on now. but I still have a lot to learn.... I just know I need to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

What are your values? What ones do you want to keep, and what ones do you want to change?

my values are changing for the better every day. Most of my old values sucked and I'm still overhauling my entire core to make me a better man than who I was back then.


Me: SAWBF
Her: BGF
Status: I'll let you know when I know. working on us and I'm becoming a whole new and improved me.
D-day #1 2-18-13
D-day #2 6-13-14
D-day #3 8-17-14
*Only PM with men, thanks*

Posts: 134 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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