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User Topic: Update on he doesn't know that I know
♀ New Member
Member # 43182
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! I want to be just like you when I grow up!

Me 38
WH 38
Together 17 years, married 13 years
4 year old Daughter

Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: DFW
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found this thread. :) I want to say thank you for sharing your story. I chose to R with my WH, and I don't regret that, but I still have revenge fantasies and sometimes dream of a DDay "do-over". THIS is amazing. Congratulations. :)

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 846 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember this post! I never laughed so hard!

Congrats to you Karmita for staying strong and living YOUR life!!

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 320 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
♂ Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, July 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how I missed this post until now. I was literally yelling and cheering you on as I read this. LOL

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing so well.

You're the best!!!!

Oh and note to self.... Don't mess with Karmita.

[This message edited by Myname at 6:55 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]

DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3487 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
♀ New Member
Member # 43623
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol I love this. I wish I could've done something like this (just another shoulda!) instead of sitting stunned and paralyzed. He still would have gas lighted until the cows came home anyway. I'll live vicariously through you - brilliant!

"I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

"Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go." - Mooji

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you to all of the kind words from those who have taken the time to respond.

In sharing my experiences, it's about hope and courage and that as hard as life can be, we can get to a better place. It's not easy, and very hard to give ourselves what we give to someone else.

We all have the ability be our own hero.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe that I never saw this, but it's an absolute SI classic in the best "SNAGGED" tradition

"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 22473 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, August 16th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karmita, Girl, YOU know how to throw a party ! Not sure how on earth I missed reading all this when it started last fall but am glad I read it tonight. My anger didn't come until later. It would have been more advantageous for me if it had come immediately at D-Day. You ROCK !

Hope your new house is coming along; have fun with the renovation and with making it YOURS.

BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone

I've settled in my new house. It's more of a fixer upper than I realized, but I love it. I'm saving, and it's a must that I get a new furnace before winter. I'm renting out the basement and that is helping with the mortgage payments.

I'm having my friends and family over for a BBQ on Labour Day. Should have the painting done by then.

Bigs hugs to everyone here at SI :

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear things are going well for you. That house is your own and a symbol of new starts. Congrats for knowing you deserved better and for the strength to move on when he couldn't give you what you deserved.

DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4533 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
♀ New Member
Member # 41142
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read this topic all the way through.
Karmita you are so admired by me. I wish I had
been like you back in 2009 when I had my Dday.
You just made my day. I always said that I would
be like that if I ever had a cheating husband but
I gave in and I am still in recovery since early 2010. Now I am not so sure that is what I want.
The pain just doesn't go away. just gets a little
duller with time.
If your ever in ga. We should hang out! I like
your attitude. Maybe you could teach me a few things about being a B**ch when the need arises.
LOL. Good Luck to you!

***Go with your gut***

Posts: 26 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ga
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are fantastic! I wish I came across the OW. She was a fake red head who was a coworker of my fWH. I would have loved to order her a red headed slut cocktail from my H and me. Congratulations on your new house.

Me-BW 40
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 1421 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
♀ Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New here and I just saw this.

Have to say, "Damn! Woman you are awesome!!!!"

I am so glad things are going well for you. You give the rest of us hope!

Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
♀ Member
Member # 43568
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So impressed!

Me BS now BW, 55
Him WS now SH, 50
Together 18 years
No children (sadly couldn't have them)
DD April 2014, received letter from OW
a relationship the previous Dec 2013-Jan 2014, started by dating website.
TT 8/14
5/2015, DD2, discovered

Posts: 219 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You started this thread a year ago today. I remember reading your first post and being in absolute awe of your strength and resolve. And you have paid your strength forward to so many on SI. In rock!

I think I speak for many when I say thank you...and hope you are doing well. Would love an update to see how you are doing!



Me - 50; FWH - 52
Married 32 years 9/2/15
2 grown daughters-31 & 28
6yo GS,2yo GD & 1yo. GD (DD31) and 3 yo GD(DD28). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5351 | Registered: May 2007
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, September 12th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Lalagirl for your lovely post.

Geez, I didn't realize it has been over over a year since i started this thread. It's weird, it feels like this past year has been the longest year of my life. So much has happened.

It feels good to be able to taste good again, to wake up in the morning and feel alive.

I still wear my bitch boots, it took me awhile to get used to walking in them..( and I haven't twisted my ankles, not even once).

Life is tough, and nothing good comes easy. I'm in debt, have a fixer upper house..... But, I've never been happier.

Cheater are soul snatchers, but I got mine back.

Hugs to all those who fight to get their soul back.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, October 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage boyfriend asked me to marry him.

I said NO

I'm not ready for marriage again and I hate that I hurt his feelings

I'm too confused, I don't know if too much damage was done to me because my ex husband cheated on me and I'm a afraid to ever really trust again or if I'm being practical?

It's taken so much out of me to feel independent again, to feel good about the here and now. I just want to live day by day, to appreciate and enjoy everyday. I can't live more than one day at a time.

I'm single again, but this time I'm just sad but not falling apart like when I left my cheating husband.

It's weird but I like being reliant on just myself. For too long I felt I couldn't be someone without someone.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karmita, love you and your bitch boots.

It has been a long and eventful year for you. Did you ever see an IC? Perhaps it's time now to sort through your feelings on commitment. At least you'll know what you feel about it and why.

If you decide that you want to remain single forever, more power to you. If you decide that you'll be ready for another long-term commitment, more power to you.

Me: BSO, 41 / Him: WSO, 40
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 49 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, October 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are everyone's hero. That being said,
After what you and all of us have been through, I think we find a new part of ourself. It takes a while to get to know that new person.
Don't feel badly that you said "no". If he's any kind of great guy, he will understand your need to wait for a while. I'm guessing that he is.
Take your time, In the scheme of things, a year is a very short time. You'll know when you know. Trust you.

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 917 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the good advice,

I'm not as far along as I thought I was. I'm still struggling with trust issues, I made an appointment to see my therapist again.

Infidelity, is a crap gift that keeps on giving,

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
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