Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: dazedgoodguy (49900)

Attention Members: It is against the guidelines to post links/URLs to other websites without receiving permission from SI Staff. Any member that violates this guideline will have their profile disabled.
General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Update on he doesn't know that I know
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4-7yrs. /fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 11309 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure this is a horrible time for you, and I am so sorry.

On the other side of the coin, you are Amazing!!! In 3 years, when this is well behind you, and you look back you will realize you fulfilled the dreams most of us would have loved to have been able to have fulfilled (or even thought of for that matter!!). Is it your sister who also introduced you to SI??

I hope life gets easier for you in the future.

I am sorry you are joining us, but thank you for sharing your experience!

BW (Me) 44
W(ex)H 46 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.

Posts: 320 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did that like a rock star!!!

I know you are hurting like hell right now, but know tht you are worth so much more.

Keep posting, keep reading, and keep leaning on your sis.

((((and strength))))

ps too bad there wasn't a video tape of his entering the apt to find you gone.

Him: FWS
Kids: 16 & 18
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 10332 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am so sorry.

Definitely, lean on your sis and take care of yourself.

But, I must say, the poo on the plug made me laugh out loud and I'm at work.

Stay strong, you deserve much better.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take care of yourself, Karmita. Give your sister a big hug. She is awesome being there for you to lean on.

Your post made me LOL, then I cried. It must have been overwhelming keeping your cool during all that time. with OW! What a perfect place to take her.

Your strength is amazing. You're crying now, but you won't stay there long.

hug for you (((((Karmita)))))

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We should put your story on pintrest.

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dogs (Truffle and Cashmere).
♀ Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



One too many D-days; taking it one day at a time.
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
♀ Moderator
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you continued strength and comfort, Karmita. Hang in there. The rollercoaster will take you for quite a ride, but you will be okay. Promise.


You can call me NIK

This is it. The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let's see what we're made of, you and I.
- The Doctor

Posts: 32613 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. You really are amazing. Big ((HUGS)) Karmita - I'm so glad you have your sister and that you found SI.

I know you're hurting but please understand we are all in awe because so many of us wish we could have pulled that off.

Now it's time to just take care of YOU and take the time you need to heal. ((Hugs))

Me: BW-45
Him: XWH-45

Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 5016 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shared your story with 3 friends not member of SI. One was a WS at one time. All three ladies almost peed their pants laughing so hard!
You do rock. He is an idiot for letting a treasure like you go.
It's painful, we all know, but you WILL heal and recover. No worries about that.
Please do keep updating us from time to time on your recovery process!
Take care over these next weeks.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.
Take care of yourself emotional, and physically...and follow the advice of your attorney to make sure you are protected legally.

Please stay NO CONTACT with the OW...she will only bring you heartache and misery. Stay away from her.

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6214 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am so sorry that you are here with the rest of us BSs. We all know your pain.
Take care of yourself, it will get better. This site helps a lot.

And now I have to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED it!!!!!

You have no idea how you have made my day!!!!! I'm sure not only for me but for a lot of other BSs here who wish they could have done what you did!

In my first marriage of 10 years, I came home (without warning) from work sick in the middle of the night ( I worked 7 PM - 7AM) & found my first WH in our bed with OW. I packed his suitcase, & threw it down the stairs, & told him to get out. (I had been supporting him/ working to put him thru school.) That was the end of that!!!!
That felt pretty good but your story was fantastic!!!!!
Altho you will still have to heal from this, it will help you that you were so strong.

In my present ( 2nd ) marriage of 24 years (with 4 kids), within an hour of my finding out, I confronted WH.
I had always thought that if it ever happened again, I would do what I did in my first marriage. But, because of the kids , I am trying to R.
Believe me, it is so humiliating & degrading to
agree to take back someone who has done this to you, who has stuck a knife in your gut & twisted it & didn't care what it would do to you.
That is why we all love your story so much-----
it shows such self respect.

You are going to be fine.
You are our hero, we love you.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:12 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo.EA/ PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1706 | Registered: Dec 2012
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it hurts like hell right now. My heart goes out to you.

Much love to your sister for being you 'Rock' right now. Your parents taught you well .

Go ahead, tend to your wounds...grieve honey. It's gonna be okay sooner than you think.

You may have been blindsighted because your love is strong and true. But we all agree you've got balls of steel and your douche husband is a fool to have fucked around and lost you.

Be well my kindred BS. You have shown us all what a good dose of self respect looks like. Thank you.

Kudos to you for your strength and spirit. And heartfelt (((hugs))) to help you along to peaceful healing.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1254 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
♀ Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Way to go!!!

I was lol reading your story!
It took guts and a strong will to keep that info to yourself for so long and not let on what you were planning

When my xwh told me he didn't love me and wanted a D, informing me that he loved OW (30 yrs younger than WH) he had only known for 7 months and wanted to marry, stated that HE was going to file, and then, 2 months later, proceeded to fly to her country to visit her for a week, I made up my mind that I was through being disrespected so I filed while he was out of the country. Geez, was he pissed when I informed him that he was going to be served after he returned to the states!!!

BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.


I sat with the knowledge subconsciously and it almost killed me. Once I had verification I nearly lost my damn mind. I don't know how you could stand being around him, around her. But I'm glad you were cool, calm and collected enough to get your ducks in a line.

What you're feeling now would be the crash - in the midst of it all your adrenaline is pumping and you feel like you can leap tall buildings.

It is a good thing that the adrenaline has stopped pumping. You are no longer in full survival mode. That is a good thing.

It will come back at times as you do need it to get through some of the stages but you won't need it for all of the stages.

(((Karmita))) It won't always hurt this bad, I promise.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5945 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Karmita))) I'm sorry you are in this position.

I must say I like your confrontation style You.Go.Girl!

BS/FWS (me):42 Madhatter
WS/BS:45 Serial Cheater
Together 19 years, Married 14
DD(11) DS(9)
DDay(s) Too many to count
Final Dday 7/11/14 Same OW2
In Limbo Hell

Posts: 3149 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Yes, you ARE strong. Remember that, even when you feel weak and hopeless. And no matter what, keep loving yourself.

Your story has, and will continue to, give all of us strength as well, so thank you for sharing it!

Hold on to that self respect. It will be your strongest ally in the rough days ahead. I'm glad you are here...we are with you every step of the way!

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 7:55 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and support you all have given me.
Thank you

Yesterday and today I've hit a brick wall and slept a lot. Been in my pyjamas this whole time.

I promise myself I'll get back to kicking ass next week. I've got to see my lawyer and start looking for an apartment.

Thanks again to all you lovely people.

Posts: 106 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You rock.

And the plug -

Oh and I added some real shit to go with it

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 56 Dday 03/2011
Cheater -56 Married 26 yrs
DD - 23 DD -21 DS-19
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA- another married ho-worker- D

Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2003
Topic Posts: 249
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2015 All Rights Reserved.