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User Topic: Update on he doesn't know that I know
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! You are my hero! Really I wish I had the guts to do something like this.

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope you are doing OK, Karmita. This must be a very hard time for you right now. It sounds like you stood up for your boundaries, and that takes a lot of courage. It's OK to struggle. Everything in your life has changed, and he did a terrible thing to you and your M. It will take a long time to heal from that. We're here for you.

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 4110 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karmita -

Hows it going? I think of you often, and how amazing you are and what an asshole he is!

You doing ok?



BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
TT until 9/02/13 - why do they do that?
NC broken 4/15/14 - and lied about it. Sigh
Trust is earned, respect is given, & loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one is to lose all three.

Posts: 256 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karmita Just want you to know that we are all rooting for you. Use the anger to help you be strong through this. You will survive this, and you will be a happier stronger woman for it.

I hope you find a wonderful new apartment. This will help you to start feeling independent again.

((((and strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 16 & 18
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 10298 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 40512
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Purple Rose that made me laugh so much thank you I had forgotten what it was like. I have no intention of making the situation funny though as we all understand it's not, I hope you are ok Karmita you deserve an oscar.

BS 57
WH 58
M 28 yrs together 32
D Day 10th April 2013
20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again everyone for your support.

I've been reading here and my heart goes out to all of you. You're all going through so much pain and yet so many of you reached out to me with kindness and encouragement.
Even though it seems there are so many awful people in the world they are outnumbered by generous and kind people such as yourselves.

I'm doing ok...I guess. My sister is amazing...she was a member here years ago and she sent me here. I love her so much.

I filed for divorce. My soon to be ex-husband, who I now refer to as "Butt Plug" is acting like the victim, crying for himself. I hope he drowns in his crocodile tears.

He is such an *#%€¥^% ass*%#~!!

I found an apartment, will be moving in on the first of November. It's scary and exciting. I've haven't lived alone for so long.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck with the apt & everything Karmita.
Your strength is an inspiration to us all.

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo.EA/ PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1706 | Registered: Dec 2012
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Karmita))) What you did took great courage.

I don't know what or where your roller coaster will take you now, but wanted to send hugs. Being so busy with your 'surprise', moving and dealing with all the new changes in your life has kept you focused on the new life you choose to build.

Whether we R or not, there seem to be stages of healing from betrayal that occur over the months after Dday. Shock, anger, overwhelming sadness.....everybody is different but some stages seem to be common for many of us. Please know you are among friends here who are always ready to listen.

Keep posting, take good care of yourself and good luck in your new home.

BS Me 62
WS Him 63
Married 34
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1824 | Registered: Mar 2010
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 30th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


What you did is epic! You must have the most badass pair of bitchboots on the planet!!! (and you wear them well honey)

You're doing great. The first few weeks & months after a relationship explodes are hard. Very hard. You're gonna go up, down, and all around. Please be VERY patient with yourself, because you deserve it.

You've started taking the steps you need to take (time off to grieve, time with your sis, a new apartment) and those steps will serve you well.

Try your best to stay NC with that loser you just left in your dust. There really is nothing he can say to make things any better, right? So, why go there.

You aren't a're a warrior princess, and you just proved it.

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3171 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I moved into my new place yesterday.

It was hard leaving my sister's place, where I been staying since I left my husband. She offered to spend the night with me....but like they say you have to rip the bandaid off.... I told her I'd be alright.

I went to bed only after I couldn't keep my eyes open. In the middle of the night I woke up and for a second I didn't know where I was. It's hard to believe that less than 6 months ago I thought I was happily married and we were planning to start a family and now I'm living in a new apartment and will be divorced in the very near future.

Today, I've got some friends over helping me paint the place. I'm going with bright colors. Yellow for the kitchen and living room and coral for the bedroom.

I bought a print that says "home is where the heart is" , and I'm putting all my heart into creating a new home for myself.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the update. I've been wondering how you're doing. It gets better.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 8479 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTG Karmita, you've got this!!

Thanks for the update, and for being such an inspiration to many of us here.


Me (BS), Him (WH): mid-50's
3 DS: 21, 20, 17
M: 26 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 31
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen
*NOT* Ready to die - thank you SI

Posts: 3734 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Karmita

I have been following your story and truly admire your courage.

A few years ago I wrote a post about my fantasy future if I decided to D my husband.

I planned where I would live and what I would do. I used to daydream about the wonderful new life I would have. It was one of the many strategies which kept me sane.

I hope you have dreams. I hope you continue to make plans - the decorating and painting are a wonderful start. Keep looking forward. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you but really hope you keep working on your "dream" and I hope you find peace in your new little house.



Married 33yrs Me BW 59Yrs Him FWH 61yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2772 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
♂ Member
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the kind words.

Sending you all a big hug.

The place looks great. My friends are great. We ordered pizza and had a couple of beers and made fun of my loser husband.

Going to hit the tired.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33045
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read your story and I am so proud of you girl, you are so strong and you did what was right.
You deserve all the good things in life and you will get there…….glad your happy with your new place…… next step is getting out and enjoying life…..
say "yes" to everything and see where it leads you………….

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2011
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!!!

Marriage #1=BW-47 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
Unknown BH-45 Me-WW-47
2 kids together-DS15 & DD13
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 247 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, December 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seasons greetings to you all.

Just want to say that I know the holidays are tough for everyone here. I'm settled in my new place and put up a Christmas tree this past weekend. I chose a spindly tree that I only paid ten dollars for. This tree is a lot like me, a bit broken and kind of sad. I decorated it and covered it in lights and I have to say I think it's the most beautiful Christmas tree ever.

Hugs to everyone and I just want to say you're all beautiful and don't forget that.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been awhile.

I'm officially divorced.

I'm doing great. I got a promotion at work. I'm dating a cute guy.

My ex and Hauren broke up.
Too bad, because they deserved each other

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you are doing well!!

Did the ex come by crying when his fantasy blew up?

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3988 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
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