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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fuming - need help with response to FT
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lost4now))

Do you think you would have reacted that way if he was taking her on vacation over your weekend? I suspect you would. I would have too before my give a fuck was broken.

I would have been hurt/angry that he was ditching his kids for OW. I would have been hurt/angry that he was spending Thanksgiving with OW. I would have been hurt/angry at the way he was treating me. So many things to feel hurt/angry about. I get it. It hurts until you detach sufficiently.

He yanked your chain and you reacted - we all do until we decide not to anymore. I don't know that the urge goes away of its own volition - its something you have to work at and it takes practice.

Next time.....a simple answer and then crickets.

^^Absolutely. Remembering what it feels like right now will help you stick to this.

NC = No New Hurts.

You've so got this.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5455 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the two incidents, while similar are a bit different since my taking our daughter on vacation was for HER and his request to swap weekends is for HIM. I do believe he should have asked since I am doing him a favor while I was GIVING our daughter a summer vacation.

Even your choice of words -- "I felt the need to set him straight and it bit me in the ass." -- indicates your resentment.

C'mon, you also "gave" yourself a vacation. Why not post a lovely vacation pic here, tell us about one or two highlights from your vacation ... then call it a day.

Peace! I hope you enjoy spending time with your family on Thanksgiving

[This message edited by ladies_first at 5:55 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would pick your battles. Is it really worth the angst to be right on this occasion.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1286 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think the two incidents, while similar are a bit different since my taking our daughter on vacation was for HER and his request to swap weekends is for HIM. I do believe he should have asked since I am doing him a favor while I was GIVING our daughter a summer vacation.

I see it as you wanting accomodation from him, so YOU could take your daughter on vacation.. When we want something outside the agreement established it is always good form to extend our request courteously.

Our behavior reflects on us.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
lost4now
♀ Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Resentment....yep! "giving" myself a vacation (because I have earned it).....absolutely! Wanting accomodation from him.....yep!!

You are all right! It kills me. I am hurt and angry. I have had to swallow so freakin much it is literally eating me alive! I admit it....I am human! I have alot to learn in this divorce process obviously. And I am not nearly as far along in the healing process as I thought I was.

Can I admit something?! I don't love him anymore but I really want him to be miserable!!! I dislike feeling like this. It's ugly and unattractive. When the hell will it ever end??!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a difficult process learning to focus on you and focus on enjoyment in your life.

Detachment, for me, includes letting go of resentment. There is a cliche' that rankles me, "the best revenge is living well". It is true, and I do have glimmers of it, fromtime to time. Those glimmers come when I'm immersed in doing things that I enjoy, or things that require my rapt attention, etc.

Give yourself a break. All that you are feeling is normal. It is part of the process.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Topic Posts: 26
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