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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do you have fun together?
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So reading all these positive posts got me thinking. How do you and your other half spend time together having fun? What do you do to just let your hair down, forget about the A and have fun for a little while?

DH and I love to go to dirt track races. We have 5 different tracks close enough to our house to go on a regular basis. We have a blast. It is one of the best times we have together, well.. with our clothes on anyway.

We also are very involved in the HS Marching band since my 2DD's are in the band. Going to football games and competitions is so awesome. If you like music and have a competition near you, check one out some time!

We also have woods behind our house where we take vintage trail bikes and go riding.

So what do you do for fun now that you didn't do before the A?

[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 11:33 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Golf, gardening, yard work. Watch sports, play Yahtzee and cribbage.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3869 | Registered: Dec 2011
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We watch TV shows together. Series that were/are popular, but we have never seen. We do it in marathon sessions, 2-3 episodes a night.

We started with Lost, then went to Modern Family, Parks and Rec, Dexter, and now Breaking Bad. Next up will be Game of Thrones, I think.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1116 | Registered: Jul 2012
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things we do specifically now that we didnt do pre-A....

yoga (till i hurt my wrist and my doc made me stop ) but we are going to replace it with a different exercise routine

instead of his or her household projects, we do the projects together now. While i am not much use when it comes to cleaning the garage (ewww, creepy crawly things)...i can certainly stand there, supervise and hand him his cold beer!! LOL

We also make more of an effort to go out on date nights regularly...doing different things that we havent in the past. for example, I bought groupons to a food show where we watched cooking demos and sampled food....we try to cook more meals together now!!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We actually did all this pre A and during the A. Which is probably why I was blindsided. I thought life was pretty fun, but obviously it wasn't enough.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3869 | Registered: Dec 2011
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have decided to share a few of our favourite things together, for the first time in many cases.

-golf....hubby is a 4 handicap and has wanted me to join him on the links our whole married life. I did that this spring and we have a great time together in the evenings. Even going to e corporate a few golf trips into our schedule

-bike riding in the mountains. I love road riding but my H was never interested in giving up a whole day to this effort. I stopped doing it not wanting to be alone on national highways or in the wilderness myself. We have since done one half day ride with a picnic at the end to celebrate. He had more fun then he thought.

-group home projects....had stopped working together on these and now do them all together. Builds cooperation and communication

-spontaneous activities.....before we had to plan EVERYTHING. Now we just run with the weekends. One day is for us to do things together and one is our rejuvenate days where we are allowed to focus on ourselves individually without creating ill feelings.

-movie night has returned....love snuggling in the show with hot popcorn between us.

t


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We always did a lot of fun and adventurous activities together; the big difference now is we do the regular things together. My H will go grocery shopping with me, walk the dogs, help with dinner, etc. He is never cranky about it, as he sometimes was before, and it is so nice to enjoy time together this way.

One new "fun" activity is that at least once a week we take a bath together (two person tub). I have strung colored lights around the tub, have candles, music, bubbles, wine. It's lovely.

And, we have a lot more sex! That's fun!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gosh, lots of ways: we're empty nesters so none of those childcare issues to deal with. We have all those couples friends that we met when the kids were involved with stuff and we're still best friends! There is a lot of boating and parties.

We're also pretty young so we're very active outside working out biking, running or swimming.

we go to sporting events and like to travel.

we don't eat out but we do sometimes go to movies and have popcorn for dinner!

It's been fun watching our kids grow and choose careers, finish school.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4785 | Registered: Dec 2010
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOLOL Rachel....had popcorn for dinner on Sunday night!!!

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We actually did all this pre A and during the A. Which is probably why I was blindsided. I thought life was pretty fun, but obviously it wasn't enough.

Tred...One of the best things I have done for myself is to absolutely know that the state of our marriage and the state of our love had absolutelynothing to do with his behavior.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We went back to the things that initially brought us together in the first place; bike riding, gardening, exercise, boating, fishing, boating, fishing, boating...


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well our main pasttime these days is our small business - beekeeping. Other things that we both love, fishing, going to the driving range, eating at new places, and of course time in our room with the door closed and Locked!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8244 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We both sail Tall Ships and just did back to back Festival of Sails. On Sunday, we were within 30' of a Blue Whale that was amazing! We're back to planning upgrades to our house and this month, we're going to try to knock off doing new flooring in the guest room and hallway, plus maybe get a start on the dining room. We were having regular date nights but since he was laid off, we've been keeping it close to home, but I did get a groupon to go on a flight in the harbor on a Sea Plane for his birthday!

And sitting home at night, having dinner together, watching a bit of TV, or reading, or him playing games on his computer while I talk here.

Sex is a rather nice, regular occurrence as well!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sex is a rather nice, regular occurrence as well!

Funny!

Okay, let's see....we just started watching Breaking Bad, I will watch football, yoga once/week and we have decided that we need to do something that neither of us excels at but the interest is there ie: dance or cooking lessons.

Always good to start these posts sh7!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
PamJ
♀ Member
Member # 40475
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After DDay 2/29/12 we started really making an effort to get out more together ,walks, hikes, long-ish bike rides, dinner, movies, concerts, comedy shows, art shows, the Davinci Machines show (awesome) and we were having a great year.
Dday 3/19/2013 hit me hard as I thought we were in R and doing so well.

So, once again, still, we are going out and doing all those things. We run a 24/7 business together so getting away has always been an issue and working together is hard on a couple, you tend to fall into a rut with the daily grind, but we did get a long weekend away to Vegas in July and are going to St Lucia in January (slow times for our biz).

We get along much better when we can get away from the biz, and, since my part of it is working from my home office, getting out of the house is crucial for me. We may even catch a Broncos football game in a few weeks. We used to have to pinch pennies but these days I am trying to enjoy life more. We don't go too crazy though, just good to get out.


Me: BS 50+
Him: WH 60

3 EAs

2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son

Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.


Posts: 56 | Registered: Aug 2013
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We go to the beach, play tennis, Rollerblade, and other athletic activities including a special one that involves competitive league play. We are getting kayaks soon to go on the river. He wants to teach me to surf.

We spend time with friends and their kids. We watch TV together but that's not so much "fun" as it is relaxing.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2100 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Happy  Posted: 7:13 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our son just started kindergarten this year so we spend it making love, eating out, and doing everyday things together. Oh and the best part.... we bought a motorcycle and go riding almost every day. Its nice to have some alone time for once. We also make date night a weekly event. We actually enjoy our time together now. Who would have thought. Not the way I would have wanted a wake up call about our marriage, but it has made us both not take each other for granted.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninaz at 7:14 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW 40 (me)
WH 40
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with horseface
DDay 2 05/09/14 inappropriate texts
with another OW
One last shot

Posts: 195 | Registered: Sep 2013
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're only 3 months removed from D-day...I honestly can't say that we're doing anything new, per se. But we have been having more sex...and it's been more fun too!

Last year, he started taking me to the range and I learned how to fire a gun. We actually had a lot of fun doing that, and I hope we can start going again. We got busy with the holiday season, and then his affair took off full steam ahead after that...sad but true...his affair pushed everything to the sidelines for awhile.

I hope we can start building new hobbies together...thanks for the inspiration on this thread!

[This message edited by kickboxer at 8:23 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even Shirley Glass in "Not Just Friends" emphasizes the benefit of planning fun stuff to balance the hard work of R.

Aim for a 5-to-1 ratio ... 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative exchange.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 20

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