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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Could his remorse be over?
hopeful18
♀ Member
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a second Dday in April I felt that wh truly felt remorse this time around. First time it was more like regret. I had a couple of bad weeks in late summer and now I feel like wh has changed his attitude. He is frustrated with me being upset and down and it seems like he is angry with me. Everything is fine if I don't act sad for more than a short time. I find this troubling. I don't think he is cheating but not sure he can do the heavy lifting needed. We are seeing mc after a one month brake due to vacations. Just have a heavy heart and was wondering if you see this as a minor set back or an expected two steps back?

Posts: 228 | Registered: Apr 2008
movingbackwards
♀ Member
Member # 40612
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really feel for you on this. In the weeks following d-day, my WH was incredibly supportive and remorseful, doing everything he possibly could. Now (only a couple months out), he gets very frustrated when I'm upset. I don't know if it's because he isn't truly remorseful or if he simply doesn't understand what I need from him.
I hope you can talk about it in your MC. I plan on also pursuing IC for help voicing my needs, as it's something I've really struggled with.
Sorry I don't have more advice or answers, but do know you're not the only one feeling this way!


You can crawl back home, say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted!

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not necessarily that his remorse is over. Half the time that our WS' see us sad, they are mad but sometimes they are mad at themselves. This is normal phase for them to go through. Half the time it's the lack of understanding to what they put us through. Half the time is they are also hurting and feel helpless about the situation - which translates to anger. When this happens, both parties need to be open and talk about why there is anger, active listening on both sides during these situations have really helped my R. Helped me understand him better and helped me move out of rut that sometimes I find myself in that half the time WS had nothing to do with (you can call this depression).

Again everyone is different but I hope that helps.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not necessarily that his remorse is over. Half the time that our WS' see us sad, they are mad but sometimes they are mad at themselves. This is normal phase for them to go through. Half the time it's the lack of understanding to what they put us through. Half the time is they are also hurting and feel helpless about the situation - which translates to anger. When this happens, both parties need to be open and talk about why there is anger, active listening on both sides during these situations have really helped my R. Helped me understand him better and helped me move out of rut that sometimes I find myself in that half the time WS had nothing to do with (you can call this depression).

Again everyone is different but I hope that helps.

This really helped me because I am 18 months out and my WH just recently started getting angry again when I bring up his A. Sometimes he says he feels like I am beating him over the head with it and I wonder if I am. I don't think I communicate in a way that is safe for him to open up. . I thought I was done yesterday, but now it seems I am straddling the fence again. Thanks for this post.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry if I am overstepping . I am a WW. I can relate to this quite readily at this time. The other day My H had taken the kids up town to register them for Karate. I was sitting on the swing in front of our house and reading SI on my Ipohone. The topic had my attention. Now to gie a little back ground, we have a new subdivision started and so our roads are with continous traffice and our drive way gets used as a turn around often, to many times I think, . So I have now started to ignore this, I keep asking for a busser or a camera at our enterance. Well my BH came home with the kids and saw a vehicle pull out of the enterance of our drive. He of course thought some one was here. I said no there wasn't which he then told me what I saw. I got upset, all I thought was there is no way he can believe me and I got mad not at him but myself. It made me sick, I scared me cause there was no way to prove anydifferent and it was all my fault he was feeling uncertain and my fault I was scared and mad .
So sometimes its not that I'm not remorseful its that I am so mad at myself at what I have done to everyone near me I can't see.
To me I take this anger as me honestly realizing the pain and stupidity of my actions towards my spouse children friends family and myself.
Sorry again if I have over step.


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 435 | Registered: Apr 2013
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad that helped you crazy. I hope it helps hopeful too.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
hopeful18
♀ Member
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the responses. I am hoping that the remorse is still there and that the anger is at himself. I worry though because I think he tends to deal with any negative emotion with anger. Frustration especially.

Posts: 228 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 7

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