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Newest Member: raindrops1420 (44897)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why does this bother me?
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWH and I use the same tax accountant, and she was a mutual friend of one of my best friends, who XWH has not seen or spoken to since right before DDay in January 2011.

Our accountant is a really nice lady, and my best friend saw her recently, and she slightly verified (BF didn't push due to the client aspect) what I already knew but hoped wasn't completely true. That he and Wifetress did buy a house in Puerto Vallarta (our empty nesting dream) and that he is doing extremely well financially.

I'm not about the money - actually our split reminded me how unimportant money actually is - his financial success started when we were together and is actually what I believed changed him - his ego took over. But it still just pisses me off that he is doing so well financially. Spiritually and familywise, he's a trainwreck - I talked to his mom this week - and she was so thrilled to talk to me because she has a shadow of the relationship with him now compared to how it was when we were together. We were all about the family. Now he pretty much spends all his time with wifetress and her family and friends. He walked away from all of our friends, including his best friend from high school and college who I still keep in touch with. I'm also still close with his daughter who barely speaks to him (though she and I barely speak of him in our conversations).

So I guess I haven't completely reached indifference because I have to admit I would like to know that he suffers somehow. My best guess is that it is within himself and that he continues to lie to himself tremendously.

I know it just doesn't matter, but it does still have me thinking about it more than I should care.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4508 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere)))

We know not the day nor hour that the karma bus cometh.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52118 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
missherlots
♂ Member
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you two believe in Karma, remember that Karma works for this and next life.
Do good deeds, it will protect you always and makes you feel good about yourself. Good deed are not only money, but your time for someone that need it or volunteering or just wishing well and love for everyone in this world (including your ex) is a powerful thing. Not easy but true.
Read about the impermanence law and compassion. Very strong issues in this life.
Wanting (desires) is the issue to work on to feel better and letting go.
Hope you have time to meditate 15 every day. it will do the trick.
my two cents.


Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Jan 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's fairly simple; it bothers you because he's achieved a lifetime goal that both of you were working toward, and a pretty damn nice one at that. It may no longer be your goal, but it once was, and it's hard to let it not bother you.

So maybe it's not so much that you want to see him hoisted on his own petard but that you would prefer to not be reminded of this achievement.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20142 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The together goal of a house in Mexico is the rub I think. He just picked it up with OW.

But with regard to finances in general I really do not care. But I do hate that he probably uses that as a measure of success.

I believe that positive relationships mean far more than financial success. But I need to remember that he has no reference for that at this point.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4508 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's normal for the house to bother you. That was something you and he worked toward for a long time and now OW gets to enjoy it. Fuck her and fuck him.

At the same time, you are on the right track in thinking that all of his money and things are just empty. He has no center, no core, and no amount of money will change that.

My IC once asked me how I defined success. I told her that I thought I would be successful if a handful of people missed me when I'm gone from this world. If I made an impact and my family and close friends had good, loving memories of me. Money didn't come into the equation.

If you define success in a similar way, it's easy to see that your exWH is not successful by any stretch of the imagination. He tossed everyone away, including his mother, daughter, and best friend. Who will be there for him in the end? Is OW gonna be there when he's old and sick and runs through his money? He better hope so since there is no one else.

My exWH did the same thing. He threw away everyone and now has virtually nothing. OW is still in the picture, but they certainly has no happily ever after lifestyle. Meanwhile, he's lost the respect of his colleagues, family and friends. And, as far as our kids go, they are little but already see that they are not his first priority. These days, that is reserved for OW and alcohol.

Anyway, my point is that he's got nothing. Regardless of what he can show in a bank account, tax return or real estate portfolio. He has and always will have nothing because of who he is on the inside.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2789 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 6

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