Will anything he does ever be good enough that I will be 100% sure I can live with this in our marriage and be happy? He is everything I want in a man, except he had an affair!!
[This message edited by Feelsmall at 5:45 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)]
your DDay is still fresh. be gentle with yourself. I am just over 8 months out and i still struggle with this. But it gets easier with time. As long as your WH continues to work hard on himself and your M, be transparent, follow thru with solid concrete actions, it gets better, a tiny bit each day. Every time you check up and he is where he says he is, a tiny piece is rebuilt. Every time you check his phone, email etc, and there is nothing there, a tiny piece is rebuilt. Little by little, day by day.
It is hard to accept and believe the changes are real after such a profound betrayal. I totally understand and have the same feelings. But i have learned that R is a leap of faith. Someday...when you are ready...you will be able to jump in head first. For now, just dip your toe in the water and gets used to it. I mean, i am just now getting in the water ankle deep!
hugs to you!
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
It's only during the last year or so that the "but he cheated on me" thought doesn't automatically pop into my brain like the end of the sentence after a compliment or a gift from him or when he does something above and beyond for me. It was especially difficult when someone else said something nice about my H or us as a couple and I heard that phrase in my head and felt like such a fake.
But time has given my H the opportunity to prove himself over and over and allowed my wounds to turn to scars. I don't think about the betrayal every hour, every day anymore. I even find myself many times laughing and playing with H without the burden of that phrase in my head or my heart. It's not gone, but it's receding to a place with all our other memories, both the good and bad.
Be kind to yourself and know that they call this a roller coaster ride for a reason. There are many for whom infidelity is a deal breaker and there are also many like myself, who always thought it would be, but are finding it is not.
As an aside~ there are so many stories on here of unremorseful WSs that it almost makes me think I'm supposed to grateful for mine because he IS remorseful. That makes me angry. For whatever reason your post made me feel better.
However, I do tell you that I am in a much better state of mind today than I was at 4 months.
The best advice some kind person on this site gave me is to not make any life changing decisions for 1 year. I am glad I listened.
My H was always a good H. I was in complete shock and devastated as all BS are when faced with this double betrayal (MOW was my good friend) but I am glad I have given my M the time it needs to heal.
I have yet to forgive him, but I figure that will come with more time.
If he's doing all you need him to do, hang in there.