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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: We had sex last night
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to a concert with a friend last night. WS stayed at the house with the baby so I could go.

I came home drunk. Not tipsy...but drunk. My tolerance level is really low and well I was having a good time last night and was just being my old self again. I came home and he was sleeping on the recliner. I just climbed on him and off we went.

It wasn't romantic and it wasn't hysterical bonding...it just was what it was. When all was said and done he just started putting his clothes and shoes on to leave because it was really late. He said he didn't have any clothes at the house and had to go. Of course that upset me and I just said "bye" and left the room. The next thing you know I hear his truck pulling out of the drive way.

This set me off because I felt he didn't say goodbye, I felt like he just left. I called him and he said, you said "bye" like get out of here. I'm sure the whole thing just triggered me into an angry state and I started with the angry texts. I haven't done that in a while and I've been really good about detaching, NC, and working on taking care of me.

This morning we spoke and I apologized and he said he understood. I do feel more detached from him and feel like the alcohol is not my friend right now and I need to stay away from it. I said so many mean things to him and really, at this point, I feel like the detachment thing is working because I don't feel so emotionally connected to him. If I feel bad about anything, it's not him leaving after sex...it's more like I let myself down for having sex with him and falling back into the texting thing.

This morning a happy smiling baby awaited me in his crib. Babies don't care about hangovers. I went about my business and I'm at work now.

Even though technically this is a set back, I feel like emotionally I'm stronger than I was before.

I just want to be civil and friendly and ensure that I'm helping to facilitate the best relationship that WS can have with DS so our issues don't get in the way of their relationship.

Anyone else go through this? Sex with the Ex just confirm that you aren't as attached as before? Maybe I'm fooling myself. I definitely need to get a babysitter in the future.

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 12:10 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

alcohol is not my friend right now and I need to stay away from it.
Word.

I did not go through this myself, but I have read other stories here on SI before. You are not alone.

Shore up your boundaries, lose the alcohol, and yes - next time hire a babysitter.

And then back on the horse with you. So to speak.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely need to get a babysitter in the future.

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud.

Yes. Yes you do.

At least you just had sex - I fell into a 3m False R. I did feel stronger after the False R so I kind of understand where you are coming from.

I cannot imagine being around the sad clown during my hurting phase. I would have been worried about either falling for his hoovering or smothering him in his sleep.

Dust yourself off and get back on board the NC wagon.

I kept away from booze for the same reason. In the early days I was worried I'll call him crying and begging - later on I was worried I'd call and unleash all hell.

These days I could get as drunk as I like and I don't even think of him.

And... I hate to say it but you need to go and get new STD tests now and in 3m time.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NIK: I get you. You,make me laugh out loud.

NM0220: I am proud of your strength after. Could be very empowering in th future.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 758 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Topic Posts: 4

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