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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM Called Me
Camalus
♂ Member
Member # 40199
Angry  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The POS OM called me a few minutes ago.

Someone I had contacted back in Atlanta let him know I was digging for information. He told me in no uncertain terms to drop it and leave the past in the past. He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’. I, not so politely, told him to F Off and hung up.

How bizarre! He doesn’t want me messing with his marriage? WTF? He is the one that inserted himself in my marriage. From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98 so it’s not like he has to worry about me calling and telling her about it. Too bad she didn’t bother to tell me about it but no sense crying over should of, would of, and could of.

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

F*&K HIM!!!! I wish that I had contacted the BH of OW when my XWH and her affair came out! She threatened me with a letter from a lawyer saying that if I tried to contact anyone related to her or her husband that she would take legal action against me. At the time, I fell for it, but in hindsight, I wish I had told him. I tried to mail him their dirty emails a year later to his job but I have no idea if he actually got them or not.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I have heard, his wife was the one that busted the affair back in ’98

Perhaps this isn't true and that's why the OM is telling you to stay away?


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13724 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 1:42 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Tired

He is a coward and he is projecting.

He is scared of what other ramifications can occur due to his inexcusable behavior.

Have you spoken to his BW? I might simply call her and let her know you now know.

I did. The OW's BH found out six months before I did of the A and did not contact me. Thought he was saving me the pain (noble but ugh !!).

Once I discovered it, I let him know I knew and wished he'd had contacted me. Water under the bridge but hopefully if his skank of a wife decides to continue her cheating ways then he will notify the next BS.

He then informed me he wouldn’t stand for me ‘messing with HIS marriage’

Irony at it's finest. If he calls again, record it as it could be used as evidence as a threat.

Sorry you have to deal with all the bull associated with their choices and an irrational AP to boot. Did you tell your WW?

Hugs and prayers.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like his wife does NOT know about the affair.

Whoever told you she did may have been misinformed..or they lied.

His wife needs to know..she deserves to know the truth about her marriage..just as you did/do.

Call her...tell her. Don't warn your wife before you do it. She may warn OM.

If his wife does know..there's no harm in you checking to make sure....and it's very possible you..or his BW..will know..info the other doesn't.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7318 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like the BW doesn't know or doesn't have all the details. The OM would not be calling like that unless he was worried about shit you may stir to the surface.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this info is true, he's scared of you and doesn't want you opening up the past. TFB for him! I hope you can find out the truth.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9694 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking you need to contact his BW and out the situation one way or another. Since when does he get to tell you what to do?


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
lovedmesomehim
♀ Member
Member # 25743
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you have to deal with this self-absorbed guy. I agree with the others and perhaps you were misinformed about the discovery.

If his wife already knew, then perhaps your wife was not the only affair partner he had. Or, perhaps he has engaged in another affair since then and the BW has just about had her fill of him. You know how it could go: "If I find one more thing, then I'll kick you out of here."

These people drop bombs on someone else's marriage and then cry "foul" when it comes back upon them.

No warnings to your wife...just get the info to the BW. Stay calm and steady. Good luck.


Posts: 463 | Registered: Oct 2009
ineedtoleave
♀ Member
Member # 29332
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is EXACTLY what OW told me in an e-mail after I exposed the A to her husband. Takes some nerve, huh??? I will NEVER stop being angry over that one...


BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Posts: 958 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Arizona
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So. Not a shred of remorse, no hint of an apology, just a virtual threat. What a low class slime-ball that man really is.


tired, I very much doubt his wife knows the full extent of the affair - that's why he's trying to frighten you off. How he has the gall to talk about you messing with his marriage after what he helped to do to yours, literally staggers me - and tells you a hell of a lot about him.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1864 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MOW was livid that I forwarded love letters SHE wrote to my H. She told me to stay out of her M (via an email). I gave her crickets, but I so wish I had at least said "the way you stayed out of mine?"

Some just don't get it. Her H accepted her blame shifting and offered forgiveness immediately. My H wasn't her first and surely not her last. But know what - neither of them is my problem. They deserve each other.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6258 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow what a douche, I can see why your wife was wildly attracted to him....(Insert smartass smiley face here)

Who knows, who cares, if she knows doesn't know. If she did know then, and didn't tell you then shame on her. I certainly wouldn't let him bully you one way or the other, but dgiven the amount of time since it happened I would be tempted to let that sleeping dog lay.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
LoveActually
♀ Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's coming from pure fear--if he was secure in his life and wife he would give two shits about you or anything else.

When I e-mailed the OW's husband she called me the next day and told me to "stop bothering her" or she would call the police. WTF..uhhh you kinda bothered me first. She was scared crapless when her husband found out she thought she was safe since it took me almost two years to figure out how to get in touch with him--I'm sure she snowed it over with him and I'm sure told him I was some bat shit crazy woman that was stalking her. Oh well--if I made her squirm for even a day I'm good with that.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 768 | Registered: Jan 2011
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, September 12th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did he learn about you knowing and confronting recently? Did your W contact him?


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?

Because he is a scumbag, paranoid, piece of shit. Hell, I want to go over to his house and choke him for you.

The truth is, you do not know what the POS's BW is and is not aware of. And if you feel the need to contact her, don't hesitate a minute to do so. If you are pretty certain in your mind that she does already know, and that OM is just running scared, then it is your call on whether to pursue this any further.

I know that it is said not to let the AP take any of our head space, but damn, it is stuff like this---unremorseful pieces of trash---making threats to stay out of THEIR lives, that makes my blood boil.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2042 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
MediumRare
♂ Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I have heard..

Obviously, there is a lot you haven't heard if this guy called you with a threat.

Why is he accusing me of messing with his marriage?

Because he hasn't come to terms yet that it was his dick that messed with his marriage. Everything else is just collateral damage.

Time to bust out the garden sheers...


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 712 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 17

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