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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why do they have to mark their territory?
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize that some of you are dealing with APs and Ospouses who are monsters. They are cruel, manipulative, abusive, and shouldn't help with raising a goldfish, let alone your children. My kids get along with the Owife and her children, and for their sake, I am thankful.

Things have been going well because the Owife and I have had zero contact, and I haven't really had to deal with anything other than having her stray into my line of vision on a couple of occasions.

However, now it seems as though she's going to play at being devoted stepmommy and be sure that I know. These are, perhaps, small and stupid things, but I have to vent them here so that I can move on and not stew about them all weekend. It helps when I write things down because it often forces me to acknowledge how whatever I'm fuming about really isn't a big deal.

So, she's done two things that make me feel like she's marking her territory and trying to bring to my attention that she's such a good stepmom:

I have kids on special diets. For health reasons, I often label certain containers or put their names on their sandwich bags so that I don't have to worry that someone got the wrong thing. I just write their names with a marker; it's nothing fancy.

Well, doesn't the Owife do the same thing (fine, no biggie), but doesn't she just have to draw little hearts around their names as well. Oh... right! Because you LOVE them! You love them so much that you thought nothing of screwing their father while he was married to their mother! Clearly, you put their needs and well-being first. Clearly. Those cutesy little hearts show what a caring, loving Ashley Madison-recruited stepmommy you are.

Then, today at drop off, XWH came out (like he usually does), and doesn't she finally make her grand appearance! She just had to come out on the porch and start chatting with my kids while I'm saying goodbye. Oh... right. Because you care so much about them that you can't stand one second more of waiting in the house and being away from them, even if it's the sensitive thing to do considering how your relationship came to be with them. I had to keep my Mona Lisa smile plastered on my face so that I maintained my dignity.

I know that these things seem like no big deal. Many of you have been dealing with far worse crap. It's just hard for me to watch as the wheels start in motion. A hopeful little part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, those two fools would have the brains not to compete with me. I'm not competing. Buy them what you want, pretend that you dote on them, draw hearts all over as much as you want. Not only will you not change how I think of you, but you will never change what my kids think about me. And it will never change what you've done, and the little children who are snowed by you right now will not stay little forever.

I've taught high school long enough to see how much things can change when kids become teenagers. At least if my kids become difficult in their teen years, I can parent with the full weight of my integrity and honesty. I am not a liar. I have told my kids about mistakes I've made in the past and owned up to them so that they don't make the same ones. What they see is what they get. Teenagers don't like liars and hypocrites, and they are pretty good at seeing right through them. Draw as many hearts as you like. They won't be fooled.

Thanks for reading this essay. I feel a lot better!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3600 | Registered: Oct 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great essay! And you are right about every single bit of it. Teens have NO patience for hypocrisy.

And yes, drawing hearts DOES show how much you love someone! Of course it does.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5808 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She'll fool them for a little while, but eventually their little light bulbs will turn on.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1896 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
FirstLoveGone
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have no idea how much I needed to read this post at this exact moment in time.

Just tonight, XH brought insta family to pick up DD. I stood on the porch ignoring OW who was in the car. Ignored her while she plastered this gigantic smile on her face while she greeted DD. Ignored douchbag smirk as he got back in the car to drive off with his whore and kids (DD, her daughter, and their new baby).

Their time to face the truth will come eventually. Their facade will crack in time.


Posts: 1269 | Registered: Oct 2009
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally getting your post.

Over the summer, I just couldn't understand why stripper whore had to ride along with ex-shat to pick up Teslet. It's an hour roundtrip drive...if I was an awesome stripper whore, I would have better things to do
I am told that she also posts lots of pics of Teslet on FB under the album name "My Family." Really?? Your Family?? FTSW.

But, judging by the text her boyfriend sent me earlier in the week, she might have to step up her territory marking game.

And what the hell is with the heart thing? Is she in middle school?


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4619 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it is marking territory. You were right to ignore her. She'll eventually step over the line and a kid will bring the reality slap.

NW used to LOVE the fact that they got attention where ever they went with all(6 2-hers,4-mine) the kids. She would get asked are they all yours, her answer was "yes, they're all ours" . One day one of my twins told the person asking that she and her sisters were his, and the other 2 kids were hers. From that point on NW did not like that kid.

What is with the middle school behavior?

Hugs


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TA74))))

I can't help but think OW is so desperate that she's doing something so utterly juvenile. You know it; deep down, she must or why else would she act so stupidly?

And you're right. Once your kids become teens, they'll take out some of their angst, shall we say, on her.

If she felt so secure, she'd prolly not resort to such idiotic behaviour.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Runningaway
♀ Member
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense.

I have a friend who is getting remarried to a very insecure woman. She is always posting pictures of his first son with their new baby on FB with captions like "aren't I the luckiest mommy in the world" and "our boys are so cute" most recently it was some silly meme about how step parents are better people b/c they have chosen to love someone else's child as their own.

The reason behind the behavior isn't lost on anyone. Rest assured you are not the only one who is shaking their head at OWife's pathetic actions.


What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:02 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cause they are dogs on heat?

That's my thought anyway.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1331 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh you are such a better person than me. Not only will I not be driving my child to their house, ever, OW DARE NOT show her face at my house. Maybe it's different because I was friends with her, but even my POS OW doesn't have the audacity to come on the ride to pick up DD. He drops her off at the store or the Hortons on the boulevard before/after pickup/dropoff.

We'll talk more tonight


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3341 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, she's a pathetic passive aggressive bitch.

Nothing hurt more to me than having some morally bankrupt whore play mommmy with my kids.

Ashley Madison is a disgusting website and anyone who participates in it is equally disgusting.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen, TA74!! I feel many of your sentiments.

.if I was an awesome stripper whore, I would have better things to do


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone. This is why I come here. It restores my sanity and keeps me from lashing out.

What I have to remember is that:

I don't want him back.
I don't envy the Owife at all-- except perhaps the time she spends with my children, which she doesn't deserve.
I have managed to brave all of this while still maintaining my dignity, and that's far more important to me than doing or saying something mean to XWH or Owife. I haven't been anything but classy.
I am the alpha parent. I don't stoop to acknowledging the betas.

You are ALL alpha parents (or people if you don't have kids). Never forget that!

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:31 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3600 | Registered: Oct 2011
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I get it. I carried this child 9 months, gave birth, nursed him, raised him, was there through illnesses and good times. I am mom.

You do not have the right to be mom, act like mom, make mom decisions or draw love hearts. Don't make me bitch slap you

ExH's gf (not the OW) made such a big deal about being there for all of DS' events, and trying to be his friend. It made the hair on the back of my neck raise up a bit and I wanted to show my teeth at her just a little..lol. I had to check myself because this poor woman is not the OW that wrecked our marriage, she is the poor poor idiot who agreed to be his GF. I guess in the end I want DS to be happy so I just smile and be polite, even through there are times I just want to be the honeybadger and shake her like a cobra.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so feel you pain. Hello Kitty desperately tries to play mommy to my kids. It makes me sick. I can't wait until dd sees them for who they really are.

She hast had the nerve yet to show up at pick up/drop off, but she's growing bigger balls by the day (she already has much larger ones than the Gnat) and I'm sure will show up with him soon.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 892 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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