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User Topic: What do you grieve/mourn/miss?
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was reading on here how one of the SI folks did an exercise that listed of all the things that she felt she lost or mourned with the betrayal.

I started a list which came fast and furious. This is only 5 minutes worth of thought, so I am sure it isn't complete. I want to ask all of you....what do you grieve or mourn?


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2013
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is mine:

Things that I grieve:
-You not being “my be all and end all”
-You not having my back
-My marriage
-The you that I loved even with your flaws
-Knowing you had flaws, but never thought you would choose to outright deceive me
-Feeling the word “husband” is foreign & choking on it when I say it
-Not being able to look at pictures of us and our family and not see the betrayal
-My trust in you
-Realizing I shouldn’t have trusted you
-Starting a life with you
-Starting a family with you
-Realizing that it is just me. I am the only one that has my back
-I am alone
-Having a love story that sucks
-Can never say “you should marry someone like your dad”
-Can never say “someday I hope you are like your dad”
-When &&&&& says we are her model couple
-When anyone gives you a compliment
-Our lives prior to your betrayal. The innocence of our kids and our marriage.
-Realizing that you don’t have eyes just for me
-Our intimacy has been broken and shared with someone outside our marriage
-Sharing your body so freely with someone else who isn’t your wife
-Never being able to say we have a good life


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2013
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhhhhhhhhhh......


........her car?


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most painful one for me and what is taking the longest time to heal:

I thought he was my best friend, my deepest and truest confidant.

It was a lie. I mourn that loss the most. To know he used what I told him as a means to lie more effectively to me - that is what hurts the most in my situation.


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 752 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him. My husband. I miss him.

On dday, I remembering crying, "Bring him back..you killed him..you killed my husband..my husband would never do this to me..bring him back."

It is one of the only things I remember saying that day. I was already mourning the loss of my husband. This man..was a stranger. And he had taken MY husband from me. I loved my husband...I adored that man..and this man had killed him.

I still miss that man. But I am learning to love the new one. These days,he makes it easy.

But I will always miss him.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7679 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
noprincess
♀ Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly miss peace...peace in my mind...peace in my heart.


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss having our family together as we enter retirement. That's all gone.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Artemisia
♀ Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh HurtsButIm, the same for me as for you, to the word. And, I just miss him, before all of this.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
921Lisa
♀ Member
Member # 7849
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is silly...

I miss the days we would call each other and he'd answer the phone and say "Hello Debbie!" ~ not my name. Or he'd call and say he was coming home and I'd say, "Okay, I'll send my boyfriend home".

I see other couples make the little jokes, like "I need to get him a girlfriend", etc...

I miss the ability to do that and it be funny to us.

[This message edited by 921Lisa at 4:22 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)

Reconciled


Posts: 881 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam your list was sooooo accurate . I can't say too much more except that smile in the morning waking up next to the woman who was my life . Tough read I get f--ked up reading it. Sorry.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As noprincess said, I miss the peace. My brain will never forget he cheated on me!


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1461 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss feeling excited about what the future would bring for our family.

I miss us calling each other silly names.

I miss weekend mornings having breakfast as a family.

I miss thinking we were best friends.

I miss trusting him and believing we were going to grow old together.

I miss laughing during sex.

And most of all I miss the person I no longer am. That person no longer exists, her soul was torn apart.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
joeboo
♂ Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After about two and a half years since d-day, the thing I miss is feeling like I was significant enough to my fww that she would not have cheated. I miss feeling like a significant other. I was her insignificant other.

I wish I could be that important to someone.


Posts: 1211 | Registered: Feb 2011
Losttransport
♀ Member
Member # 39409
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss the marriage I thought I had. I miss the husband who I thought was my second half.
I miss the old me probably the most. The old me was such a happy, joyful, prayerful woman. This new me is sad, often depressed and more often than not, cynical and jaded. I see my poor, tired heart and I remember the old me. Yeah, I miss a lot of things.


Me: BS-42
Hubby: FWS-42
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.

Posts: 95 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
StruckNumb
♀ Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss loving whole heartedly.
I miss believing he was my friend as well as my husband.
I miss the loss of our pet names for each other.
I miss feeling safe with him.
I miss the man I thought he was.
I grieve giving the majority of the years of my life over to a relationship with a man who can never be satisfied with just me.

[This message edited by StruckNumb at 8:58 AM, September 15th (Sunday)]


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss the innocence that I had with trusting him. Thinking he could never be capable of hurting me more than anyone else on this earth.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The trust. No matter what our problems I never thought cheating would be one of them.


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
Guttedagain
♀ Member
Member # 39126
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss feeling safe, content and happy, i fear i will never feel truly happy again

I hate how his betrayal has changed me and how i now view everything with suspicion.

I miss the feeling that our family was special to both of us and the love and security within it.

i miss being able to believe and trust my husband.

I miss being able to feel relaxed and having random thoughts and plans about the future. Now it's just hard fight away the constant thoughts of his betrayal



BS me 46
WS him 49
Married almost 25 yrs, together almost 30
2 DD 18 & 13
Dday #1 14/4/13
TT until Dday #2 28/4/13
Living one day at a time

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I now know how good a liar my husband is. I wish I didn't know that.

For myself, there have been ppl in my life who abandoned me, but I always thought I had my own back. And I proved that I didn't, just added to the list if ppl who betrayed me I miss the feeling of knowing I had never betrayed myself. No matter how healthy I get, I still did that.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5262 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
IslandGirl18
♀ Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 15th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These posts made me sob. They're all true. I miss being held at night and feeling safe in his arms. I miss being so special to someone. I miss looking into each other's eyes and knowing that we have a special private life together. I miss calling him just to hear his voice. I miss him. I miss us. I miss who I used to be. I miss my life when I didn't have to live with this emotional pain every single second. I miss trusting others. I miss the home we created. I miss the home I used to live in. I miss when I used to wake up and look forward to my day.

I mourn the loss of our marriage. I mourn the loss of the man I married because I don't know who this guy is, and I mourn the loss of me because I am so sad. So lost. So destroyed.

I will never trust anyone with all my heart again.


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 59
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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