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User Topic: What do you grieve/mourn/miss?
♀ Member
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly I miss that we were each others "onlies" and that I didn't experience the sexual exploration with him.
I do mourn the loss of many aspects if our marriage. But honestly, all this mess has opened our eyes that we had some deep issues. We are now working on those.
I hope the new marriage we build will be even better and richer than what we had.

BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew I shouldn't have clicked on this thread. So much pain out there...

I miss everything before the A. I miss my little family.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I no longer have the ability to trust people or even give them the benefit of the doubt. No matter how hard I try i'm always wondering how long before they screw me over or show their "true" colors. It's crazy because I am worried that I will sabotage future relationships because I expect all of them to go the same way. Something i'm working on but once the box is opened it can't be closed again.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your list hit just about everything.

I also miss me. He destroyed who I was and I will never be me again.


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
♀ Member
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So powerful. I'm having a good night despite having a horrid time last night and into this morning.
This post is sad yet, is necessary I think..?
I'm like most everyone else.
I miss so much!!!
And I miss ME!! :(

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was a total jerk right before and during his affair. He would come home (after 10) and rush straight to the computer, never saying hello to me. He would talk at me about his work but never asked me about my work or my day with the kids. He never lifted a finger to do laundry, wash dishes, cook or help kids with homework, even after I went back to work full-time.

After DDay I stopped putting up with all that BS. Now he's acting like a dad and husband

so, while I miss the trust and sentimentality of having an ideal relationship, I know I never had that in the first place.

Instead, he had someone who wouldn't rock the boat to make sure the family stayed together. I don't miss that woman at all. Now he tows the line or he's gone.

All the missing sentimental feelings and burned up memories are second to the life we have now.

Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about this one for a while and it hit me hard. Narrowed down yet still broad, I miss security. The security of thinking someone will always be there. The security that you have that one person just for you to grow old with. The security of you own feelings. Just, security.

ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back

Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 39637
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss not being a nutcase. I told the therapist the other day that I can't even take a shower in peace. Why? Because I am wondering what he is doing downstairs - masturbating, quickly talking to a woman, getting on computer, whatever. So when I need relaxing time - I do it quickly.

I miss enjoying my own time. When he would go back to his hometown to "visit with his daughter" or "visit with his friend", I would be happy I could get things done around the house and for myself. I wouldn't even be thinking about him. I would be happy I was being his wife and doing something nice like getting all the laundry done or cooking dinner.

Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I grieve the loss of myself the most. I no longer recognize the weak shell of a person I have become. I feel almost like a ghost.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 6490
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am WS (or was, once upon a time long ago). It's been nine years since my A. My xH has long since remarried. I have remained alone; no more relationships for me. I have focused on raising my kids as a single mom as best I could.

I miss being somebody's spouse. Being worth something as a woman, to someone. The sense of being cherished.

I know it was not true in my case. My H did not in fact love me and cheated for most of our marriage. But even though it was all a lie: those years I was married and believed myself loved, they were the best of my life. I mourn them.


Posts: 960 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Europe
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this tends to change depending on what day it is, where my mind is going.

Consistently though, I mourn the loss of the love that I thought was real.

I mourn the innocence and trust that I had in him.

I mourn that I have never truly been loved.

I mourn for the past that I can never have.

I grieve for the belief that I mattered, that no matter what he loved me and would never "intentionally" hurt me.

I miss my belief in the inherent goodness in people.

I miss the woman that I was, basically happy, calm, optimistic, patient, forgiving, trusting. I will never be the same.

I can only work towards a better future.

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie


Posts: 1421 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss knowing that no matter what happened, we were a team. We had exact other.

I miss my childlike faith in him, in us.

I miss being with him on holidays. My family works odd shifts, so I spend a lot of holidays alone.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7763 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss the H I fell in love with. I thought he was the smartest person I had ever met. I felt safe. I enjoyed all that we did together. I loved our family and all our plans. I respected him fully. Now, I feel he is immature, selfish, makes bad choices, and I feel he decided that being married and having kids is just too hard. Escaping is his best solution. And its really really stupid to want to be 25 when your 55.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 944 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ Member
Member # 32964
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss who I was right up to the second before those words came out of his mouth. I remember the person I was before, but I can't find her again and I miss that the most.

"Always go with your gut...the mind will only tell you what you want to hear."!!
WH: 44
DDay: 8/02/09 (just someone from work)
DDay: 10/27/09 Complete confession
WH has done everything right for R (that I know of).

Posts: 130 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: IA
♂ New Member
Member # 38073
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss the innocence of thinking my WW was my queen. I miss loving her with every morsel of my being. I miss trusting her. i miss being proud of her. i miss being able to agree with others when they showered her with professional praise. I miss believing she had my back and that she was my partner. I miss her friendship. I miss the belief that someone other than my mother was there for me and has my best interest at heart.

Me: BS
Kids: 17 /18
Married 19 years
D-Day: 12/7/2012
Full story: 2/12/2013

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: NC
♀ Member
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss having a best friend who was my best friend since I was 20 years old.

As I have told him, I feel like an alien came and took him away and replaced him with someone I do not even recognize.

I miss the man who had such kindness for people in general and has admitted he feels no empathy anymore.

I miss having such respect for him and now hate him and am disgusted by him.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Security/safety. I will never have it again, because I will never trust anyone 100 % again.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage and respect, too...but mostly security.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 5 yrs out so my list is not about HIM or what he did...

I miss his family. My parents are gross; I'm still close with some family...but his family was always really nice and welcoming.

I miss his dad a lot and his wife (not XH's mom). I was also really close to a sister of his. We're all 'okay' now, but it's not the same.

His dad was so funny. He doesn't just like or accept anyone - but we hit it off from day one! I mean, just clicked. He used to call me at work just to chat. I hate not having that anymore.

Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
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