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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I am new here. So hurt!
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, here I am, trying to do the no contact thing or 180 or whatever the fuck it is called. I am doing it for me because I really need to heal. After him deserting us, then BOTH of my counselors deserting me I feel so distraught. Everyone just left me hanging. Except for God. He is still there and I feel like that is my only stronghold.
He sent me money today, which I have to use most of it for bills, well, all of it. He is such a selfish prick. I hope he had fun when his brother visited him and his whore while they were travelling. Burns me up that he is making memories with some POS whore who doesnít deserve my thoughts. I bet she is ugly as fuck. Thatís what he says he is interested in, just a fuck. I wonder if she knows that. Who cares?
I need to start healing and I am PRAYING that he doesnít have a lawyer on time.


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
forlornheart
♀ Member
Member # 40726
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you are going through this heartbreak! My husband of 18 years is having an EA, breaking my heart and all 4 of our daughters heart.

I too have a physical disability so I know how hurtful it is when they have so little regard for you! Or your health!

I gave him 20 years of my life....but not a minute more.

I'm one month past DD.



Me: 48- BW
Him: 45-WH-chronic cheater, PA and EA
Current Her: Mid to late 30's fatassed, no necked, troglodyte
D Day: August 23, 2013
Separated: August 23, 2013


Posts: 52 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Michigan
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gajit, I am so sorry for what you're going through. This is the worst pain anyone can feel, I know it. I lost my beloved mother six months ago after sitting beside her bedside for two months watching her suffer, and the pain of that was NOTHING compared to the agony of my husband turning away from our marriage after 24 years. But you are doing all the right things - let that anger come, it will cleanse you. And carry on resisting the temptation to offer him anything or bait him. You are doing so well. I hope you have some good friends in real life - mine absolutely saved me. My message to you is that this WILL take some time, but as long as you focus hard on moving on and disengaging from him, eventually the pain will go - and in my case once it went it never came back. Not one atom of me wants my STBXH back, or would turn back the clock. You'll get through this - but keep getting all the support you can. People are here for you. xx


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 800 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He called me last night wanting me to do something for him on my computer. I told him to figure it out for himself. He fired me as his wife when he cheated on me. Hello! I filed for DIVORCE!

He just wanted a legal separation, but I decided that I would NOT tolerate his behavior. I am DONE! I wish I could drive the Karma bus right up his ass!

Hmph! That felt good.


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way to stand up for yourself! You GO, lady! (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4120 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
evephoebe1
♀ Member
Member # 36923
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you're going through this pain. Stay strong. Sometimes it's worse to stay with them and spend the whole time wondering if they're cheating. In relation to that aspect of it; you never really get any inner peace and you're always in turmoil.


Me: Survivor! BS (47)
Him: WH (45)
2 kids, 13 & 16
Married 15 yrs, together 20.
2 yr LTA, probably many more affairs, ONS. D-Day June 1, 2012. Then, physical abuse began.
WH's been seeking attention from other women thru our whole marriage

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: evephoebe1
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a program I can use to spy on his phone without him knowing. Not sure whether to use it or not.
I had to try to call him today to see if he is sending this weeks funds today but he didn't answer, and his voicemail is full. (He likes it full because he doesn't use it.)
Any advice would be appreciated.


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Confused85
♀ New Member
Member # 40813
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, September 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for what u are going through right now. I know it suck that u have to talk to x after the D.
I assume when u fill out disability form that u claim your husband in with u. If u did then maybe his income is what stopping u from getting disability. Maybe u can refile after the divorce.


Before you give up, think about why you held on for so long

Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2013
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, September 29th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE:

Tomorrow is the 30 day mark of him being served papers. He STILL has not gotten a lawyer, and is presently working in another state with skank-MOW in tow.
My MIL called me last night. She thinks he is having a mid-life crisis. Waa-flippin-waa!
I am calling my L tomorrow to make an appointment for the final draft of our divorce. I can't wait until this sh!t is over with! I hate living in limbo-land!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another update:
He called me from work today, didn't have much time to talk. He said he will call me later to talk about "us". My hands are shaking.
I have an appt. with my lawyer tomorrow morning to talk about the final draft of the divorce. (I am not going to tell WH that.)
I am so nervous!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gajit,

Stay strong honey! What I see is someone who has totally messed up and is now trying to do damage control. He hasn't gotten a lawyer and probably is seeing the significance of his actions and, now, he want to talk about "us"? He wants to buy some time.

Be very, very careful here. Don't let him play with your head here at the eleventh hour. Stay on task and follow thru with the D process. He needs to show you that he wants "us" before you consider R. Right now you need to protect yourself and your granddaughter.


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 495 | Registered: Apr 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gajit

You stated you found your faith. Please know that not only are we are all here for you, so is God.

Lean on Him. When nothing makes sense (and it won't for a very long time) know that God does have a path and a journey for you.

I don't want to get to preachy but I felt compelled to remind you of this.

My faith and my children were the only thing that got me through a year of suffering.

Stay strong. Stand tall. You have done nothing wrong.

You get to call the shots not him.

He doesn't get a mulligan (do over).

Good luck. Big hugs and prayers.

God is with you.


If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Posts: 835 | Registered: Apr 2013
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be very, very careful here. Don't let him play with your head here at the eleventh hour. Stay on task and follow thru with the D process. He needs to show you that he wants "us" before you consider R. Right now you need to protect yourself and your granddaughter.

Just what "outanowhere" said.

I say fuck him & his whorebag with whorebag titties. (my newest phrase for OW) LOL...believe it or not, a co-worker of my husbands was yelling this at an X-box game when he lost & I just loved it & felt it fit for most OW out there so am keeping it.)

But your WH has had the chance to R but waited this long?!?! Really? So he can get back on your good side, make you think he wants to R but then go right back to WB W/ WBTTS??

I know you are stronger than this but my XWBH did this too & I was torn. We had just days left to be final, but in the end, I knew in my heart I would regret stopping the D, so went through with it & am so glad I did.

We are here for you.


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
2 sons together-28 & 23
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
WW with H#2 =BH-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 157 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, October 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone has pretty much covered the *practical* side of things, but I have this to add......
You mentioned that everything in your home reminded you of him and your life together. So......I'm suggesting that you box up his shit and reclaim your space. Make your home *yours*......


eta: oh, and don't bother with the *spyware* for his phone. It'll just prolong your suffering......and waste a bunch of your time.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 11:59 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7247 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your suggestions and your wisdom.

I have an appointment with my lawyer for Oct. 14th. Unfortunately thats the soonest one I can get because he is going on vacation for a week.


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a default hearing in front of the judge on Dec. 16th. I so hope that WH doesn't show up!

I somehow always had the hope that he would come home to us.

Now he's been with MOW for 6 months and I can just imagine how stupid she is.

I wish this pain would end!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
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