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User Topic: How is this so "common"?!
Stace0421
♀ New Member
Member # 37256
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know people have posted about this before so I'm sorry to be repetitive..

Was sitting here flipping channels & ended up on a show called "unfaithful" lol (about "real couples" experiences w cheating, etc.). that combined with everything ive learned on here made me stop & realize how "common" this kind thing really is. I realize every situation is different and I like to think I'm not a naieve person, but maybe I am! I'm certainly not perfect & far from it. But just the measures people will go to, the things they will think of, the "resources" out there to actually "help" people with this, the ways people choose to use fb or craigslist..theres a whole other world out there of this kind of shit that im just now discovering.

i didnt realize how common it is for people to minimize it or hold the "boys will be boys" or "men have needs, its your fault for not meeting them" attitude. Or women who honestly think this is just what men do! There are days I have to work to not fall into it myself & into the thinking that my own situation is "not that bad" bc there are so many others that might be "worse".

The reality is so sad, that there are SO many situations out there like this. I'm losing faith in humanity lol!! Sorry, vent over :) it's neither here not there, just something that dawned on me all of a sudden..when did contentment become something so hard to come by?


Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i didnt realize how common it is for people to minimize it or hold the "boys will be boys" or "men have needs, its your fault for not meeting them" attitude. Or women who honestly think this is just what men do! There are days I have to work to not fall into it myself & into the thinking that my own situation is "not that bad" bc there are so many others that might be "worse".

Yeah, it just defies decency that so many people simply accept or turn a blind eye to infidelity. And then there are the special ones who make a point to blame the innocent spouse before sweeping it under the rug.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ShockedErica11
♀ Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's common because its a part of human nature; why do think the Bible talks about it? It will exist for as long as people believe in being selfish to the point of not caring about how their actions affect another human being.

Yes, it is indecent and painful, but it is normalized because it is -sad fact- normal. Television programs don't play these things just for the ratings, they play these movies, authors right these books, people pass this stuff on because it hits a chord: the KISA, the evil OW, the damsel that gets caught in the middle, all archetypes that humanity has had sense it developed the understanding that sex feels good, emotional connection feels good, and whatever feels good a person will do in excess because of poor boundaries.

You had to have seen the shows, read the books, heard about such-and-such's wife/husband who cheated? The issue is that these stories happened to someone else so no one ever truly empathizes and thinks it could happen to them. You blinded yourself to a very real possibility because you didn't that "world" would ever enter into your life.


Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 230 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A SI friend that I have come to know in real life once said to me "The world I thought I lived in never existed". And I agree.

edited for typo

[This message edited by mom of 2 at 6:06 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13319 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People kill people , people rape people and people cheat but no matter how long it has been going on it still does not make it right!!! I choose not to live my life like this and many others also make these better choices. So yes I think that everyone does it just like drugs or violence but if everyone jumped off the bridge would you do it? Not me! But either way It happened to me and now I have this long road of healing to begin with no end in site. I feel your pain and I also will never understand


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
cruelty
New Member
Member # 35951
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a shock. In my family, there was no known infidelity. It was not something that really occurred to me. It seemed like it happened to other people on tv.
Now that I see it, as they say, I cannot unsee it. People pushing boundaries, fishing for reactions. Young women being outrageous, getting attention. Men being disrespectful... You get the idea. It was all there before, I just didn't pay it much attention.
It has been around forever, I suppose. It's good that women have choices, more than ever at least. It's good that people in general do not have to live lives that aren't suited to them, alternative lifestyles are acceptable. So the people who get married should really want to be married, you'd think. But I guess everyone is so focused on short term happiness. They don't see the effect on their kids, their extended family, their old age, their reputation,etc.

[This message edited by cruelty at 8:17 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


"The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up" -Chuck Palahniuk

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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