We were in marriage counseling during the last few months. He was ready to leave me and break up our family, b ut never admitted it, nor did he admit the OW.
Subsequent to the discovery, the OW decided she didn't want him anymore, or so he says.
I would not allow him to return to the house when I found out. I saw two attorneys for consults, and went through hell, on the roller coaster of emotions, the most painful event in my life, and I've had a rich life. Most of all I was heartbroken for my son. I enrolled in a university class and have been working on keeping the focus on me and my son.
Until the last few days. In the midst of studying for the class I started to go downhill again, almost like a physical sinking sensation. Soon I was emailing him for help in understanding what happened, which he couldn't or wouldn't do, and I followed with two attack emails.
All I said in the emails was true, but I feel terrible now, mired in the pit I have been trying to climb out of for the past weeks. I need to not send him any re mails about feelings, and I have to somehow go back those steps and pick up the pieces again. I don't want to be here!
Has anyone done this/felt this? Any advice on how to keep up the NC, except for kids and finances? I am planning on filing for divorce but needed to have a little time to get strong.
Everything you're going through is perfectly normal and on par with this nightmare of an experience. You are not alone.
If you haven't checked out our Healing Library, I'd like like to suggest that as a great first start to get a glimpse of how to heal and slowly regain control of your heart and mind.
In particular, the part about "doing the 180" is really good for not handing emotion and time back to a remorseless wayward spouse. It's not easy to do but with practice you will gain strength and NC will become easier and easier.
Sending hugs and strength to you. This isn't remotely easy but it is absolutely survivable.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
It's been three months since DDay and you backslid with NC? Good lord give yourself a break! Yes it is very common and hell... I reached out for about 2/3 YEARS to my WH after establishing NC.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You and your husband have been together a long time. You can't just flip a switch and turn your feelings off! This is why they call it the emotional rollercoaster. You have will have days/weeks of feeling so very strong and then followed by days/weeks of wanting to reach out to the person (your WH) that caused you all this pain.
It is normal. I promise! So sorry you are having to go through this but I promise, you are not alone.
Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)
D-Day, June 10, 2012
The analogy of the gravel covered hill is a great one. Highly unlikely you'll slip all the way down and slips are likely. And yes, I think it's going to take a long time to heal from this one.
Just got to go easy on myself, my son, and with life.
I've read in the healing library and will read more. Good so good to know I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley