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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: And lied to and betrayed again
AnnieOakley
♀ Member
Member # 13332
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. It goes without saying that age does not equal maturity. It is so sad how some people can get thru life being so self centered and unable to be honest with themselves as well as others.

What a spineless example of a human being.

((hugs))


Me= BS, 45
Him=WH, 46
M=18+,T=21+
dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a recent work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced.
"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill

Posts: 1266 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: West
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never thought I would ever let myself be treated this way again after what I have been through with my ex.

And you didn't! You left. You blocked him. You ended it as soon as you knew! You are already taking charge and moving forward focused on what matters.

FTpatheticG


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4157 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jeez, FTG.

I can't believe he behaved like that at the party. FUcking douchebag.

((((frauken))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4697 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
foxglove
♀ Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I think you're living my worst nightmare with possibility that this could happen again.

It sounds like you are handling this well, but I can only imagine how much this would hurt.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all guys for your thoughts. Tomorrow is another day. Life goes on, as we all know, just with another scar to show for it. I miss him, I feel humiliated and the hurt is intense, I won't lie about that, but I do also enjoy the peace I have and the opportunities ahead of me. What do they say? Better to have lost in love than never to have loved at all. And I did love this man with all my heart and still do and probably always will, just in a different way. For the first time in my life I felt I was with a man, minus the last few days :-)

So...

I picked up DD11 early as per her request and making her favorite food for dinner. Picking up DD16 in a couple of hours and looking forward to watching the latest StarTrek movie on DVD with them tonight, munching on popcorn and having a beer.

I heard from my best (male) friend today and was invited to visit him in Chicago. He lives in one of those super-modern high rises with a 180 degree view of the city and the lake. Total luxury.

I got invited by a single friend to join her at an event in SF Friday night and might actually go. And there are a bunch of interesting meetings coming up on Meetup, such as a Saturday hike in two weeks with wine tasting after. Just my kind of event

And, as if I needed good news today, my boss called this morning telling me that our team is safe from pending elimination and our jobs are not in any danger, phew! In fact, my role is becoming more important and is getting a boost.

It is very comforting to know one can come here and people understand and support. It feels like family. I hope I can give back.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a jagoff.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7781 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((fraeuken))) I'm so sorry.

I feel humiliated and the hurt is intense,
There is nothing for you to be humiliated about. This chic that was giving you "that look" at the party? She hasn't won any great prize. She only got the gag gift.... Seriously. He will do the same to her.

I'm so sorry you are hurting though. It is painful but don't feel you have to hurry thru the pain. You gave your heart in a beautiful and loving way. There is nothing to be ashamed of there and you are entitled to grieve and hurt as long as you need to (even though at some point you will look back and think, wtf was I thinking....btdt!)

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:18 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15303 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never thought I would ever let myself be treated this way again after what I have been through with my ex.

I agree with Take2. You did not let yourself be treated this way again. You took charge and removed him from your life. You are strong! Find comfort in that. I know many of us are proud of you hun. Be proud of yourself too.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((frauken)) You handled this whole thing with grace and dignity. Him - good riddance to bad trash. What a shithead.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5329 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, InnerLight, I did not even think about the effects of flushing meds down the toilet in my rage. Next time, how about burning them in the fireplace? Or maybe just pulverizing them and putting them back in the pillbox? Not sure how to dispose of this stuff.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the most responsible is to return meds to a pharmacy for proper disposal. They are dangerous in the wrong hands or places.

Fr, you are handling this whole thing with such poise and grace. I admire your strength and clarity. This is like a model approach to handling cheating partners. You learned the hard way but you learned well. And I think you will find yourself in a better place soon because of it.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't so full of poise and grace today when, on my way to pick up my daughter, I drove by all his usual hangout spots. Neither his work truck nor his car were anywhere.

Why do we like to torture ourselves? It reminds me of the time when I was snooping on my XH to find proof of his affair as if it was not staring right in my face. What do I hope to gain from seeing his car? Seeing it in front of his girlfriend's house or feeling 'safe' that he is at a public place? Argh, I could kick myself for even doing that.

I have packed my next few days full with work, personal trainer sessions, kid activities, GNO and teaching in the evening. I need to take my mind of this.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do we like to torture ourselves?
The heart is slower than the head. It takes a while for our emotions and feelings to catch up with what we actually know. And it also takes a while for it to sink in. When we have a shock to our minds like betrayal, because of the shock, it just takes a bit of time to fully sink in.

Also, when we really love or care about someone, we go into denial for a little while after their loss, no matter what the reason for the loss. It is a normal and natural part of grieving. What you are doing right now is part denial and you are doing little things here or there to help yourself make this new transition reality.

Again, I'm really sorry for your pain.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15303 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J of
T/J Meds down the toilet make me cringe. It gets in our water and fishes to babies drink it down eventually causing many health issues. It's a big problem. Last thing you want to hear in your pain, but I didn't realize so many other people didn't already know. End T/J

Flushing is how hospice in Oregon disposes of meds... not that it is right.

End T/J


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

End XH updated his FB status to 'in a relationship' today which made a bunch of pictures visible on her FB site which showed me that the affair was even longer than I thought and that some of his 'solo' trips were not that solo after all.

Just lovely.. they say things come in threes. What is next? Somebody just get the big sledgehammer out and kill me now. I don't want to take any of this anymore.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that you went through this. I have no intention of ever dating again and this is one of the reasons why. I'm a bad picker. It just isn't worth it to me to emotionally invest one more minute into anyone. Good luck....be glad that you found out now.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weird timing. That must be particularly distressing to hear at this moment. Can you see an IC? There's so much to process here. ((((Fr)))))

TJ/ posted on Off Topic about the med flushing issue. end TJ


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TJ my thread all you want I learned something from it.

Weird timing, yes and no. DD11 confessed to me that she told XH about SO or now xSO and I am having a feeling that this might have played a role. XH hardly ever is on FB, thinks it is stupid but then went on today, befriended his girlfriend and added he was in a relationship with her. So, call me crazy, but I am having a feeling that the news about his unattractive, unlove-able, unsuccessful ex dating a man might have triggered this status update.

I haven't even thought about going to see an IC, maybe I should. I am so used to shuffling through all this shi* alone, that it did not come to my mind. I am heading for church tonight, Womens' group, and I know I will find some peace there having some honest words with my maker. IC might be a good idea; I really would like to understand what about me says 'doormat'. I kick ass at work, my 2nd and 3rd job, when it comes to my kids, my finances - and yet I seem to attract men who seem to think me being nurturing and supportive translates into "I can do whatever I want". In the school of life, I certainly flunk in setting boundaries. IC, here I come...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wow. I switched nights at the church to avoid him and go in peace and guess who just walked in with his Ex, well I guess not the Ex anymore. Can't have peace anywhere.

[This message edited by fraeuken at 9:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a putz.....I'm sorry lady. Ugh...


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4631 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
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