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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Latest delusions from my crazy wh- really?
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is simply out of his mind. The latest "revision" or "delusion" that my STBXH is now stuck on is with regard to the kids, and how upset they are, and the parenting plan schedule. He can not seem to take any responsibility, yet he will say in a very robotic way " I am fully responsible."

He thinks we are in this mess because I KICKED HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE. Not because of anything he did to get kicked out of the house.

Not, perhaps, that he has been having an affair with some chat room whore who was in an open marriage. He shared everything about our relationship, our family, with this skank and then her with her husband. He had me meet her, as his friend's "wife" and had her meet my kids.

OR not because when he told me about the A, he didn't beg my forgiveness and try to reconcile...he asked me to be in an open marriage and told me she will be in his life moving forward, he doesn't know how to reconcile that, so he wants this marriage to be over. He says he failed me, was a poor communicator, never wanted to work on the marriage, I deserve better and now he just is simply in love with someone else. oops.

It is also not because the morning after DDay, before I even knew what was happening, he ended up telling our kids about Divorce and that he did something bad and led them to the other person idea...it wasn't because he hurt the kids with this, or that he was an emotional, unpredictable hot mess loose cannon that I had no idea of what he would do next?

None of this could be his fault, it is simply just my fault BECAUSE I KICKED HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE.

He apparently thought the plan would be that once he confessed all his filthy lies, poor choices, bad judgement and ultimate betrayal of his wife of 15 years who thought everything was just fine- that we would just stay together in the house, he would move into the guest room, and we would co-parent the children same as always, while planning for our separate lives.

BUT NO, it is all my fault that I kicked him out the house. I am just so unreasonable! NEVER MIND THAT 99% OF THE REST OF THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD WOULD HAVE CUT OFF HIS TESTICALS INSTEAD OF JUST THROWING HIS SORRY ASS OUT.

THOUGHTS??


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is actually very typical. My exwh pulled the same stunt. Cheated on me, beat me, lied to me, stole from me, etc....but the reason we divorced is because I refused to give him one more chance and THAT chance was the one that would have made all the difference in the world


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13772 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts: No Contact was made for this kind of delusional WS!!! Keep it to kids and finances, or you just may end up cutting off his testicles!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't you just hate being so unreasonable? I mean come on, if you would just forgive and forget all his crap and stop living in the past you could still be one big dysfunctional happy family!

These dickheads don't get it and likely never will. My own POS made a comment that it was unfortunate I was giving up on our family. Yeah, 20 years of him living a double life, constant lies, and two secret OCs and the family break-up was because I wouldn't fight for it...

Whatever, dickweed. I know the truth and the kids know the truth, and that is all I care about. Unlike him, I can begin my authentic life, surrounded by my children, while he continues to live in the land of denial and delusion...

Roll your eyes and let it roll off your shoulders as this likely is not the last time you will hear crap like this. Straight from the cheaters handbook!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I did finally get him to respect my request for NC.

I only see him at the Divorce therapist. We have one moderated hour to speak about the kids. Other than that every third day email. And up until I had a tantrum at the therapist appt about him "backing the f off" he has finally stopped sending me long emails that detail his revisionist history of how I kicked him out and what I did....

Now it is just like talking to a hated work associate that you must be polite with.....yes please, no thank you, kindly, does this schedule meet your needs? Does this fit your requirements?


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same thing here. None of this is my STBX's fault. This is all my fault. He never wanted the divorce. I'm the one who wanted the divorce. He's still not sure what happened, or even why I'm so upset.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9715 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, all our fault. We are so crazy aren't we?

Can't imagine why we are so upset...it is not like the one person who was supposed to be your best friend, lover, co-parent, partner, soul mate betrayed us or anything? Chopped us up in little pieces, crapped all over us, sold us out, sold out our kids, our sense of safety and security, our financial future, our future dreams, our past memories, disappointed our families and friends, inflicted the worst pain I have ever felt...

What is it with these F**kers??


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Eyeofthetiger
♀ Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before I even knew he was having an affair, we had gotten in an argument and I told him to stay out for the night. I called him an hour later apologizing and telling him to come home.

Apparently he decided that all meant leave for good. So that is what he thinks and has been telling people.

Well once I found out that he was having an affair, it all made sense. His passive aggressive behavior was what led me to tell him to leave FOR THE NIGHT. His delusion and guilt heard leave FOR GOOD.


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

:::Hand raised:::

If only I had "controlled my emotions" <-(his words) and handled his cheating with no emotion and immediately erased my mind of what happened like a good robot-wife would...

Don't you just hate being so unreasonable? I mean come on, if you would just forgive and forget all his crap and stop living in the past you could still be one big dysfunctional happy family!

Some assholes (the one I'm dealing with included) wholeheartedly believe this. They CAN NOT..CAAANN NOOOOT take any responsibility for their actions. No matter how disgusting, low-down and morally wrong their actions may be. The problem is ALWAYS caused by someone else. They are the innocent victims of an irrational world that fails to recognize how wonderful they are!

If my ex isn't blaming me for the cause it's because in that moment he's busy blaming me for the after-math. But if I point out that he's blaming me for his actions all I get is a robotic 3-word response, "no I'm not". If I repeat any nonsensical thing he says (even if I repeat it word for word as soon as the words leave his mouth) he will swear down he didn't just say what I repeated and add "see that's the problem, you don't listen!"

NC is the only way to survive with these type of nutcases. Nothing good comes from trying to have a rational conversation with a lunatic.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so common its in the Cheaters Handbook.

The sad clown likes to remind me that "WE" did this. He also likes to play the poor me card by telling people he fought so hard for his family. Nasty wife is just an unforgiving heartless bitch.

Nevermind that he neglected his family for 5 years, was the worlds shittest husband and treated me like shit.

Nevermind that a mere 20 weeks after S this 40 y/o loser was ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher OWUmpteen to my little girls as his GF.

He thinks everything thinks that this was just him moving on - not that he is the oldest and most cliche in the book, not that this proves he had 'moved on' with this and several other OW throughout the decade we were together.

They change the story so they can live with themselves.

It used to bug the hell out of me but I've reached 'meh' about it. He can say what he likes, anyone who believes him is an idiot. The people that matter to me know the truth and thats all that matters to me. He doesn't matter to me so whatever lies he tells himself no longer impact me.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5579 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, even with all the pain he's caused me, even though he has destroyed my life, even though he's probably wrecked my sexuality and ability to be with another man or in another loving relationship, I still haven't cheated on him. He's cursed me and damned me to hell more times than I can count, damaged or destroyed so many of my personal items, ruined my hopes & dreams, but I still didn't cheat on him. When he got fired time after time I always supported him in every way. He never heard me blame him or suggest that HE was the problem. I didn't cheat on him just because he didn't fulfill my needs, wants or desires. He could ALWAYS trust me to have his back and be his cheerleader. Always.

Hey, maybe that's why he doesn't know why we're getting divorced.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9715 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, even with all the pain he's caused me, even though he has destroyed my life, even though he's probably wrecked my sexuality and ability to be with another man or in another loving relationship, I still haven't cheated on him.

My POS accused me of it a few times over the years, as a means of justifying his own actions, but it just wasn't true. I take my vows seriously and I simply could not do that. But I really think he was hoping for me to break down in an admission of guilt so he could be vindicated and feel justified in a tit-for-tat. Sorry, but I am not wired that way!

If only I had "controlled my emotions" <-(his words) and handled his cheating with no emotion and immediately erased my mind of what happened like a good robot-wife would...

What? Your NOT a Stepford Wife? Say it ain't so!!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 4:14 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, the Gnat said if I had only "supported" him, he wouldn't have had to leave me for Hello Kitty. I guess leaving my career, friends, and family behind to move across country twice for his career, taking care of EVERYTHING at home except the lawn so he could focus on his career was not being supportive.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 902 | Registered: Mar 2013
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH told me after d-day that if I truly loved and cared for him that I would not be angry at him for cheating, but instead I would be glad that he finally found true love.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49480 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine said that he was in love with the OW because "she opened me up emotionally and she cared about my family"

What? Really, cared about his family so much she caused our family to blow up- ruined the life of me and two little kids. Because she was in open marriage, she may have accepted he had a family, but surely he must be delutional to think she cared a flying F**K about us??

This group of STBXs of ours are really a fine group of humans aren't they?


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXWH was sad that I gave up on our marriage so quickly after D-Day. I told him he had given up on our marriage when he went outside of our marriage to fulfill his sexual needs. It just took me a while to catch up with him. I was too tired from carrying our marriage alone to be quicker about it.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They really must be reading the same book or something. Classic.

Tomorrow, my STBX will take my two sweet innocent little girls to his new apartment and show them their new bedroom. They are mad at him, but they don't dare show it to him, for fear of also losing his fleeting affection...my little one put on her best dress on Sunday for her day with Daddy. She cried when she got home, but when he called, she was all nice and happy and sweet. Wondering what this is teaching them about love......


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH told me after d-day that if I truly loved and cared for him that I would not be angry at him for cheating, but instead I would be glad that he finally found true love.

I heard this exactly

And then 6 months later when our son was in therapy etc, I heard, "that the kids were only have a bad time of it because of MY REACTION to the situation"

Sorry, how exactly are you supposed to act when your husband of 10 yrs drops a bomb on you and is out the door within a month. The fact that the house is still standing and the kids and dogs were fed was pretty good!


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg. YOUR reaction to it is the problem, not what he did??? Wow. That is exactly what mine thinks too. Who the F**K validates this craziness for them?? Mine has an IC, and you would think this person would make him look in the mirror, but then again, who knows what he is telling her...

They just have no empathy for the BS. You should be happy for him? What about what you are going through? It is a traumatic experience. Betrayal by a spouse is the worst thing you can do to someone, and that these F**Kers can't see what pain they are causing...and that they try to minimize it, it is absolutely amazing to me. I will never understand.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 19

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