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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Thoughts?
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Teslet painted this picture tonight.

I asked him what it was about. He said it was him and his dad and that his dad was going to live in the house I built. He said dad was broken. I asked why dad was broken, he said because his leg is cracked and now he has to walk with a cane. (No injuries to ex-shat in real life.)
I told him it's a lovely picture and that we could hang it in his room when it dries. Teslet insists that it should be hung in my room.
I will never cease to be amazed by how he makes sense of his world.
It's hard for me not to read too much into the fact that he portrayed and described his dad as broken. I'm careful not to talk about ex-shat when Teslet is awake, but maybe he overheard me say something recently? Or maybe he just knows something is not quite right with his dad. Or maybe he just painted a picture. I tend to over analyze.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That picture gives me chills.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.

How old is he? I don't think it's over-analyzing to say he's picking up on something.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find the picture and the story achingly beautiful. I am so moved I would like to save a copy of it if you wouldn't mind.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 354 | Registered: Feb 2013
Feeling Consumed
♀ Member
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. He definitely has an artistic streak in him.

It also looks like it is raining over his dad, but the sun is directly above Teslet. And Teslet's arms are outstretched, but his dad's are hanging down to his side. I can over analyze too! :)


Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."


Posts: 344 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. He definitely has an artistic streak in him.

I agree. Quite apart from the amazing insight of it - it actually does look like he has a genuine artistic talent to me.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1880 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm careful not to talk about ex-shat when Teslet is awake, but maybe he overheard me say something recently?

That's my guess.

Broken is a pretty hard concept for a kid his age to get, especially when he didn't specify which part of his dad he thinks is broken.

My guess is he heard it in some very general way.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or, he believes dads are supposed to live with kids and moms. Since his dad does not, he takes it to mean dad is broken...instead of himself.

I think the blue lines indicate the sky.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken is a pretty hard concept for a kid his age to get, especially when he didn't specify which part of his dad he thinks is broken.

^^THIS. Unless he knows someone who has had a broken leg recently? My girls tend to use new info in their art stories and incorporate it into their own life.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's insightful.

Why is he insisting it needs to go in your room?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Art therapy is a thing. DS7 has an art therapist at school. It is very similar to what Teslet did with that picture. Kids draw something, and it is often meaningful to them no matter how run-of-the-mill the picture seems. As SBB said, they sometimes incoporate new info as a way of processing things and absorbing new info. I believe art therapists can analyze themes and such over a series of pics too.

It seems like he's working through some concepts with his pictures. Probably shouldn't over-analyze, but it is good to let him draw what he wants without making a big deal and let him talk through what he thinks is going on.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
macakipa
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Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am awed by his depth in understanding and meaning. Precious


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thinking from this is that your ex is probably way over sharing adult concerns with teslet and this is how he interprets it. Perhaps he talks about the new house he is trying to buy, but woe is ex, he is broke and needs your help (aka drop the "law suit").

Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
npain
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Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though it would be a safe bet not to over-analyze, it is my firm belief that kids pick up WAY more than we give them credit for. They may not be able to express it, or fully understand it, but they get cues.

My DD was 4 at the time of DDay and one day she said "Mommy, now there are two people who are not around anymore, Daddy and OW!" I nearly peed myself because I realize if she were a little older she might have put the pieces together.


S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 512 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great painting.

It looks to me like he's trying to "herd" his dad back home.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1174 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THanks for all the thoughts...I'm sure he did hear broken in a general way and put it in...but hearing the story at my level of understanding just makes it all the more interesting. I must say, I really enjoy listening to him tell me about his artwork...although I'm sure that he's working through some tough things. In another pic he did he had dad (just dad portrayed) camping at the beach. Dad doesn't go camping and he's never taken Teslet to the beach...that's what we do together.

I just try to take note of it. I don't make a big deal out of it. And of course he could just be smearing color together and I would still think it's the most beautiful picture in the world.

I have no idea why he is insisting that the one in this thread go in my room. I've still got both of them sitting in the living room, figured I'd just wait for him to mention them again.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continue to let this this child paint, draw, mold clay, sandplay, etc........It is SO good for them to express themselves.

EVERY piece of art has meaning.

My daughter at age 5 said "daddy made a choice." She knew. No one told her. She's very bright and knew and told her counselor that daddy made a choice to leave. She was reminded it had nothing to do with her or her brother. It stuck.

I don't think he overheard anything. He is putting concepts in his head into his art.......


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Melody3
♀ Member
Member # 33591
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter's counselor always using play and art therapy in her sessions.


BS (me): 38
WH: 38
Separated: 9/2/2010
DDay: 10/2010 PA with OW. Married 13 yrs, Together 20
Two kids, 8 (daughter) & 4(son)
Divorced 12/2013
OW moves 10 min's away from kids and I with my Ex. 6/2014.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what else struck me? He said that he and his dad were going to live in a house that YOU built. ETA: I also like how you are symbolically represented as the house-- the warm, safe haven against the rain outside.

I took that to mean that not only is Dad broken, but if I take him back to Mom, the strong and reliable one that I can count on, maybe she can fix Dad?

Plus, he wants you to hang it in your room... maybe hoping that, deep down, you'll welcome back his dad?

The thing that our ex-morons completely fail to acknowledge is that the pseudo-mommies they've installed in their children's lives are NOT substitutes for their real moms. My kids have said things like "I wish Dad and [the Owife] would get divorced so that you two could get married again" or "I wish Dad would love you again so that you could get remarried." Of course, I tell them that there is no chance of our reuniting, but it doesn't matter-- even if the step parent is awesome (which she isn't in my case or in yours), they still nurture that little hope that we'll get back together with their dads.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:54 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It looks like he is trying to HELP his father. He built a house for him. Maybe he wants the picture to hang in your room so that you can see how his father is hurt and needs help. Maybe your son is feeling the negative vibes coming from you and is trying to sensitize you to his father's pain and need of help, as he sees it.

[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 9:57 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)]


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Topic Posts: 21
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