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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: hitting middle age pity party
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand how you feel but I'm here to tell you that you adjust. I'm 59; I'll probably never have the things I've wanted most of my life, but, meh. I have enough; I'm happy; I've lived a pretty good life so far, and I plan to continue that trend for a good long time or whatever time I have left--whichever comes first


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20317 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least you have a paycheck.

I agree that all those fabulous lives could be financed by a mountain of debt, and I see all my 20-something friends on FB getting married and having kids, but you were the first one out of the box on that front, and now you've been there, done that, and that shirt no longer fits.

What are you grateful for in your life kittykat? Love? Companionship? Lack of debt?

Make a list and then go out and have a nice cocktail with SO to celebrate your fabulousness.

35 is a great age. I'm 60. I should know.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:37 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 43 now and just started considering the middle age thing lol. Age is just a number kitty - it's what you do with it that counts!

My goal is to do more now!


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4620 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

damncutekitty, I would second what was said before.

Many people in their 30ies seem to have it made just to fall apart in their 40ies because they are burned out, in debt, marriages ruined, their sweet kids not turning out to be so sweet after all. Never say never, you might have that house one day and might be happier than many of your friends because you made those decisions at an older age with more wisdom and life experience.

Look at me! I am a cute 44 year old who just got cheated on by her 66 year old boyfriend (turned out he was not 17 years my senior but 22 years my senior but it took me a while to figure out that lie) to be replaced with a 58 year old who does not hold a candle to me. If anybody deserves a pity-party it is me
And my apologies to all fellow SI-ler in their late 50s - not diminishing any attractiveness at that age, just saying this 58 year old dresses and looks the part and sports platin-blonde long hair which is not helping.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is, there will *always* be someone who has a more happening career, nicer house, a more expensive car or a sexier, more successful SO.

No matter what level of personal wealth you attain, there will always be more to want. That is what we have been trained to want.

Gratitude is about breaking out of that mindset and it's hard work to ignore the messages coming at us every second of the day.

The truth is that all this stuff costs a lot of money, and raising kids is horrifically expensive. Add in student loans, big mortgages and the expense of a two or three car household and the nut required to keep all the balls in the air gets out of control and then there's no going back...

I've learned to love simplicity. It's way more satisfying IMO.

*speaking as someone who no longer owns a car or real estate and has a 20-year-old bike and a bus pass*

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:21 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17589 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At least you have a paycheck.

For now. I am currently seeking a new job. My industry (health insurance) is in a state of upheaval right now and I don't think my job is safe anymore. I'm pretty sure my job will be outsourced overseas soon.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Often, you aren't seeing the whole picture. I know a LOT of people that joke Aussie and I are the perfect all-American family. We're really good at looking that way.

But, we aren't. Yeah, he has a good job...that takes him away ALL the time. And, we have a cute little house...that we both really hate. We'd give about anything to be renting an apartment or house right now, but, 5 identical houses in our neighborhood are already for sale, for less than we'd be able to list ours, so, we are stuck.We are living close to paycheck to paycheck.

So, yeah, definitely don't compare yourself to others. Things aren't always as rosy as they seem.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, we were all "happy" in our marriages/lives at 35 and then one after the other many of my friends got sep/div'd when we hit 40. When we had a reunion of our close college friends a couple of years ago (the year we all turned 40) half of us were div'd or working on it. And the weird thing was, that 2 years prior we were ALL in the married and "happy" crowd.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
npain
♀ Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

35 is middle age? I just turned 40 and I realize that my life is really just beginning.

I do get into these pity parties too, but I try to keep in mind that things could definitely be much worse and even though we feel like we are at the bottom, that means the only place we can go is UP!

And do not compare yourself to others--you don't know what's the real deal. There are a WHOLE lot of fakers out there...


S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 515 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DCK--aren't always what they seem and even if they are nothing guarantees it will stay that way. At 35 I had a big, beautiful house, 3 beautiful little girls, was in grad school working on my PhD, a home at the lake, a boat, and I'm sure it looked pretty good from the outside.

But--(always a but, isn't there?) I also had a lying, cheating husband, debt out the wazoo, little girls who hardly ever saw their father because he was always "working", I was stressed to the max trying to get everything done--I'm sure you get the picture. But hey--we looked good from the outside.

As long as you're happy--don't let those other people--or what they have or do, steal your sunshine.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2128 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good grief, I didn't even get married until I was 35!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9856 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels like everyone around me is buying houses and having families and advancing their awesome careers.

Yeah and peel back the curtain & noone's life is perfect. Who knows some may envy your freedom and your relctionship?

Heck I am 53 as of last Monday and just getting started. Hell I didn't run my 1st marathon til I was 47!! I will let you know when I hit middle aged


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all. I still haven't gotten in the mood to party necessarily, but I am planning to spend my staycation doing things that make me feel good about life.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Why??
♀ Member
Member # 18132
Happy  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also with life expectancy on the rise, 35 is the new 25 Hope you enjoy your special day!


"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Feb 2008
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I figure that since my mother's mom died one month shy of her 100th birthday and my dad's mom is 95 next month, I'm putting my "middle age" somewhere around 49. But I've got to say, I've always been in the "age is just a number" camp!

Go out and celebrate another year on the planet. Make a grand plan of what you'd like to accomplish this year. Then make a realistic one. Toast your strength. Revel in the beauty of your relationship and ignore how others are trying to define it.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
TearInYourHand
♀ Member
Member # 14193
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in your exact same boat for what felt like a long time, until just a short while back, so I just wanted to toss in my perspective. I was in my early to mid 30s, and all my colleagues around me had been married for years, most already had at least one kid or not more, and were usually in the process of buying their own home if they hadn't yet. I also constantly got asked when I would get married, how long had I been with SO, did I think he was the one, and what was taking us so long. Meanwhile, behind it all, SO were struggling bigtime in the relationship, so it was painful to put up a nonchalant happy face to all the interrogation. I HATED every moment of that. I hated looking in the mirror, feeling so old, and seeing every grey hair as a testament to the trials I had been through with no fruits to show for it.

Last October I got married. In Hawaii. To the best man who ever crossed my path. We bought an amazing house. We got an awesome dog. So I had the boy, the bling, and the bark. Have my job paying good money and my boss thinks Im the best employee out of a hundred. Life on paper seriously couldnt get any better..

You know what? Life goes on... just as I always had before I got married! Almost nothing has changed just because I got married. Every day when I had been so pitying and upset about being behind everyone else is just a tiny memory now - cause you're going to move on to a whole different set of issues to deal with.

This moment is as real and good as its gonna get. Don't miss out on it. In what feels like just a few moments from now, you'll be living the life you think you should have now.. but you're going to wish you cared a little less, partied a little more, and wished didn't waste a single breathe more on worrying on what should be.

Wishing you the best birthday week!


35 - FBSO
“Integrity has no need of rules.”

Posts: 957 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Maryland.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am planning to spend my staycation doing things that make me feel good about life.
I love that plan, dck.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DCK, I am 43 and working two jobs, and renting... I totally hear ya...

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My goal now is to have no debt, not even a home (it was a huge pain in the ass anyway), rent, enough money to buy some expensive things once in a while, and most importantly, not lie awake at night worrying about bills and if someone is cheating on me.

When it comes down to it, the simple life is the way to go for me.

Be happy, and be happy with what you have. Really, nothing lasts forever.

Except freakin' taxes!!


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL! You're 35, that's not middle age!

You could be 53, like me. Now that's middle age! My career has been on hold due to kid illness and my H's A. And I've been rethinking what I want to be when I grow up.

(I refuse to be a senior citizen until I'm 70. At least.)

Happy birthday! Party on!

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 11:35 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Sep 2012
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