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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most of my tag lines came from songs, I am an old (ish) school punk rocker so there isn't much to chose from but the ones I do hear normally hit a cord pretty hard.

Grilla, welcome brother, pretty shitty situation to find your self in, but there are many, many great people here who have been through the same shit and will help you navigate the cesspool of infidelity. Good luck my friend.

I notice that I'm much more at peace with the whole situation immediately when I wake up in the morning, especially after a really good night's sleep. I mean, if I get a solid 8 the night before, and wake up before my wife and son...I just feel totally at peace.

I had the same feelings sorta, today is our anniversary (first since dd) and the moment I woke up I was angry as fuck, but that only lasted a fleeting moment, then I was at peace, peace of where we are at in lives, peace with what is to come, and at peace that nothing is ever going to be the same.

Also FP, how was your wife's time line, did she put the effort into it?


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I officially hate heart now

That could be a cool personalized license plate: IH8H<heart symbol> . Catching up on the thread - just got back from the islands.

Grilla, see a doc. Get AD's. I toughed it out for 14 months for personal reasons, but I was pretty f'd by the time I sought help. I think it really lengthens the process. For the record, I wasn't trying to tough it out - more work related. And it did impact me negatively at my job when I sought help (life ain't fair, we know that) but if I didn't seek help who knows if I'd still have a job. Sorry you are hear brother.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The song was "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You" by Heart. The entire song is about a woman picking up a stranger and doing him all night.

Ahh yes, the Road Whore song. That's what we called it at my high school. That song always bothered me. As I understand it, her husband's tadpoles don't swim, so her solution is to pick up a hitchhiking stranger and get pregnant during a ONS. But she doesn't settle for inflicting pain on just one man. No sir-ee. She takes the baby back to the "stranger" and shows him what he made, but cannot have.

I hope that song was fiction. But I wouldn't bet on it.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillkicking,
For me the following have been themes:

Sabbath bloody sabbath (Sabbath or the Bruce Dickinson cover)
Rise Above (Black Flag)
Retribution (Biohazard)


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 382 | Registered: Aug 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found that most "love" songs out there revolve around codependency or being an unfaithful spouse/partner.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love rise above, one o my favourite black flag songs by far.

Here is one that I listened to many many times right after dday when I was at my darkest points:

Thousand Foot Crutch
"Fly On The Wall"

The other night
I had a dream
There was a world full of kings and queens
But it was cold
Dark as the night
We were the fire on the moonlit skies

We weren't divided
We were the same
And we were free
But we all wore chains
We couldn't see it
But we created
A place between truth and overrated

If I could just see it all
Just like a fly on the wall
Would I be able to accept what I can't control?
And would I share what I saw?
Or just sit back and ignore
Like nothing never happened,
I haven't seen you before?

I'm on the run from a thief
I let into my head
I know, I hold the keys, so don't be scared
When I turn and shout:

I don't think I need you anymore
Take your words, and your lies and just beat it!
I don't think I need you anymore
Take the hurt and the pain, I don't need it!

I wanna live, I wanna be the change
We can all be kings and queens
If we can just learn to believe
If we can just learn to believe

We had a plan to build a wall
A great divide that would never fall
To separate us
From all the pain
And keep our skeletons locked away

And brick by brick
We built it so thick
That it blacked out the sky and all the sunlight
And one by one
We all became numb
We were making the bullets to a broken gun

If I could just see it all
Just like a fly on the wall
Would I be able to accept what I can't control?
And would I share what I saw?
Or just sit back and ignore
Like nothing never happened
And I haven't seen you before?

I'm on the run from a thief
I let into my head
I know, I hold the keys, so don't be scared
When I turn and shout:

I don't think I need you anymore
Take your words, and your lies and just beat it!
I don't think I need you anymore
Take the hurt and the pain, I don't need it

I wanna live, I wanna be the change
We can all be kings and queens
If we can just learn to believe
If we can just learn to believe

I don't think I need you anymore
Take your words, and your lies and just beat it!
I don't think I need you anymore
Take the hurt and the pain, I don't need it!

I wanna live, I wanna be the change
We can all be kings and queens
If we can just learn to believe
If we can just learn to believe...


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Grilla - had the POSERS not lived 3,000 miles away, I would most likely have done the same thing.

Songs - 'Whipping Post' by the Allman Brothers.

"I've been run down
I've been lied to
I don't know why,
I let that mean woman make me a fool
She took all my money
Wrecks my new car
Now she's with one of my good time buddies
They're drinkin' in some cross town bar

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'

My friends tell me
That I've been such a fool
And I have to stand down and take it babe,
All for lovin' you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
Nothin' seems to change
Bad times stay the same
And I can't run"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCtdKWWfZG8

'How Long(Has This Been Going On)' by Ace

"How long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?

Well, if friends with their fancy persuasion
Don't admit that it's part of a scheme
But I can't help but have my suspicions
'Cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem

And you said you was never intending
To break up our scene this way
But there ain't any use in pretending
It could happen to us any day

How long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW9TIKrxT18


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, glad it worked out all around Grilla. OM in my case was no longer married so that wasn't bothering me, I did not want to risk jail time and be away from my kids. Though honestly if he wasn't 600 miles away I dunno if I'd have been able to think it through in the moment.


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7114 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was severely tempted to beat the piss out of the OM... but in the end I figured, what good would it really do? I could beat him within an inch of his life and he could still look at me and say: "I still fucked your wife."

And he'd be right.

Man, between that thought and the line from that heart song, I'm in a right pissy mood today.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could beat him within an inch of his life and he could still look at me and say: "I still fucked your wife."
And he'd be right.

^^^^THIS^^^^ nothing you could ever do to the poser can change that fact sir, so, indifference is key here. I have thought about contacting his wife before just to see how she was doing, but then thought to myself who the fuck really cares, he is not part of my journey any more!


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ONE FINE COLOR
Ryan Montbleau Band

I used to have a woman
Now I just have women
Used to have some good luck, now I just carry these charms
I used to have a fine sense of humor
But I traded it for complications
Now instead of reaching for the distance I just fold these tired arms

I used to dream in one fine color
Sweet hazy, sublime shade of red
Now itís just the black and the white or else some strange psychedelic nightmare
A whole mess of colors swirling round instead
And it seems thatÖ

One love is far greater than many
One feeling never can be ignored
Two times the fun can be far too many
And too much of a good thing ainít no good

I used to give away a flower a day
Now Iíve got me a field of roses
That stare back at me from the window and beg me for somewhere to go

I used to leave the light on after sunset
Now I just sit in the darkness
Count the hours as they roll by and I sip my bourbon slow
And I know thatÖ
One love is far greater than many

One feeling never can be ignored
Two times the fun can be far too many
And too much of a good thing ainít no good
It ainít no good

[This message edited by MoreWould at 2:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Grilla
♂ New Member
Member # 40299
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything you guys have said is true, but I caught them red handed. I couldn't help myself when he started in with " this woman loves you", "we're here to break it off".
OK YOU FUCKING BASTARD! You came to a winery and I just witnessed you kissing my wife and you're trying to break it off!? I lost it and beat him down an then beat on his face even more. I had no intention of hitting him when I pulled up, but when he told me what he did it was all over. Looking back I should've worked him over more. He's a lucky man. I'll give him that. I'm not a fighter or some bad ass by the way.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Virginia
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The guy that wrote this got cheated on... No doubt


"The Space Between"

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aaron Paul on the Price is Right

http://youtu.be/_SEL27xiJGQ


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For anyone loosely following my story- after 19 months, tomorrow my fWW is going to be reading me her timeline at our MC's office. My expectations are high, she has been working on it for almost 2 months now. I sure hope she provides the level of detail I have asked for. I fear otherwise.


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grilla,

Only after I read your post did I realize that I could have beat OM's ass and got off scot free....up until the point I told his wife.

Think about it. If he presses charges he has to tell his wife what happened. If he says he "got jumped" his secret is safe.

The OMW knows and that's over though.

We are going to my wife's 25 year high school reunion next weekend. They graduated together. She says she KNOWS he won't show up. I told her I can drop the OMW a line and see if they'll be there. She said she doesn't want to open that can of worms.

We are going anyway. His wife has already propositioned me but I don't think he knows that. I think if he does show up and things get awkward I'll show my not so nice side.

Other than that I plan to have a nice time.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
gutpunch33
♂ New Member
Member # 36484
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long Black Veil by DMB:

The judge said son, what is your alibi
If you were somewhere else, then you won't have to die
I spoke not a word, though it meant my life
I'd been in the arms of my best friends wife

Now she walks these hills, in a long black veil
She visits my grave, when the night winds wail
Nobody knows, nobody sees
Nobody knows, but me
Nobody knows, nobody sees
Nobody knows, but me


and Pay Phone by Maroon 5:


If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song I'll be sick

Those songs get me through.


Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2012
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

slater13, I hope her timeline does for you what you need. Best of luck to you at MC.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck Slater.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. The good news is that immediately following the meeting I am headed out of town to meet up with some buddies. Plenty of time to decompress.


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013
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