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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 14
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct: that's a bit of an urban legend about Mozart. He did make corrections but at a much much lesser rate than contemporary composers. In fact, that is one of the ways appraisers authenticate his works. To have the whole opera; music, voice, tempo in his head and rarely make corrections is astounding. I love his music. I also love The Messiah and all of Bach, I've heard exercise and classical music has shown the same medical effects as anti depressants.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 493 | Registered: Jul 2013
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey mods can we add POSER to the abbreviation form with DR's template??? Pretty please


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
Stillkicking
♂ Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a double postin sonofabitch

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 10:01 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's why I said; "I read..."
I didn't know if it was legend.

Love it sunsets! It's like sharpening a pencil around here.
Bach, to me (which one?) lol! - is like pre-computer music. Mathematical in its complexity.

I knew the studies on fetus development (exposed to this), I can say, only from a clinical standpoint, just this, and the silence of birds has kept me in line, seeings that reality is just an escape for those who can't handle drugs...


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sunsetslost
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Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jjct: no disrespect intended brother. The genius of Mozart is undisputed. Amazing brain. Search YouTube for "random acts of culture". Flash mob choral in malls. Amazing reaction shots. The classics are getting me by day by day.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 493 | Registered: Jul 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct - I dig the classical stuff, thanks for sharing that. Mozart and Bach are two of my favorite composers. Beethoven's 6th was pretty damn awesome, too.

One of my biggest musical influences is a guy who was largely wordless in his music. His music has always brought me so much peace. Here's one of my favorites by him. I can't get over his guitar work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P9mmZyGb4s


Posts: 4581 | Registered: Dec 2010
WakingFromADream
♂ Member
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add, if I vacuum the carpets before she comes home my on days off[...]

DR, I just had to comment that I am very jealous that this actually works for you. I tried doing this sort of thing forever and it never worked. I hardly even got a "thank you". And I'm not talking about one or two things. I was even off work for a couple of years as a SAHD and got to a point where I was keeping the house together pretty well with vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathroom, making homemade dinners etc, etc and hardly got any sort of recognition. I still have a fairly big bit of resentment going on thinking about it.


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1136 | Registered: Nov 2011
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah.. before dday I went so far above and beyond it's kind of embarrassing and it feels like bragging. She didn't even bat an eye to notice the work I was doing to get healthy until I lifted her up overhead into the linen closet with one hand. Even held my job in contempt, despite the fact I was our sole income for years.

Today she regularly makes it known she appreciates everything I do and what a bitch she was in that time. I think the formula for work fits nicely. If W = Fd, where F = fucking and d = dick, the value of W is directly related to the values of F and d. So the Work varies with the values of the dick being Fucked.

eta:


heheheh, SI units

[This message edited by StillGoing at 8:28 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the lyrics note- here is a great song by Zac Brown Band about visiting your kid every other week. Damn thing made my allergies act up...


"Highway 20 Ride"

I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
Days would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
Son, there's things I haven't told you
Your mom and me just couldn't get along

So I'll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why I'll slowly die inside
Everytime I turn that truck around, right at the Georgia line
and I count the days and the miles back home to you on that Highway 20 ride

A day might come and you'll realize that if you could see through my eyes
There was no other way to work it out
And a part of you might hate me
But son please don't mistake me
For a man that didn't care at all

So I drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why I'll slowly die inside
Everytime I turn that truck around, right at the Georgia line
and I count the days and the miles back home to you on that Highway 20 ride

So when you drive
And the years go flying by
I hope you smile
If I ever cross your mind
It was a pleasure of my life
And I cherished every time
And my whole world
It begins and ends with you
On that Highway 20 ride....

http://youtu.be/gZMCkufE0X0


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
ontheslope
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Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do all of our stories sound so similar?

It was the same deal with me. Work 50 hour weeks, come home to a house that was a disaster, spend the next two hours cleaning while she complained how 'tired' she was...and then when it was all said and done I hardly ever got a thank-you or a good-job-hon or any sort of acknowledgement. I did all the yard work, mowing, landscaping, gardening, snowblowing, shoveling... mine was basically the only income, and I did more than 1/2 the housework.

God I was a sap.

I don't feel so bad now for making her do more of the work. 50/50, right?

As for the classical music discussion earlier - Vivaldi's Four Seasons is still my all time favorite. When in doubt, I can put that on and at least achieve some form of relaxation.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
WakingFromADream
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Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

heheheh, SI units

Nice. I'm sure that there are a few others out there including some in the appendices of the wayward handbook.


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1136 | Registered: Nov 2011
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God I was a sap.

Right there with you on that.

A few years ago my STBX decided she only wanted to work part time. Pretty soon after that she quit working all together. But for some reason her contribution at home lessened as well. Oh wait! I know why! She was so busy with POSER to do anything else. I was the one working full time, doing the housework, yardwork, kids duties, cooking, you name it. Glad she was able to have her fun time though


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
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Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holst, The Planets.

Good job on the POSER template DR. No accreditation is best - it's amazing what you can do when no one cares who gets the credit.


Why do all of our stories sound so similar?

It may be self selection - we see similar traits in the betrayal and so we gravitate to this thread because we can identify with it. Most of the posters here are a pretty small subset of the BM on SI. Maybe they feel different, have different stories, etc. For example, I've never posted in LTA even though my story fits the profile. It's probably why it's called I Can Relate .

Let's see how similar our stories our - everyone start adding a trait of the infidelity at the end of your post and number it. Then you can just add the numbers you agree with, and post your own.

I'll start:

#1: She never thought she would get caught, so what I didn't know couldn't hurt me.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Mr. Kite
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Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my biggest musical influences is a guy who was largely wordless in his music.

Yes, the excellent Michael Hedges. I also enjoy Yngwie Malmsteen's obsession with Paganini.

This is not in the classical genre but a live version of Stevie Wonder's 'Cause We've Ended As Lovers' with my all-time favorite guitarist Jeff Beck, accompanied by the wonderful Tal Wilkenfeld on bass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25q8nWZQGaQ

#2 "I thought you didn't love me anymore and that the marriage was over anyway."

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 9:30 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK Tred... I'll play along.

#3. All I wanted was the attention that you weren't giving to me.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
hurtininHouston
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Member # 39250
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 5 mos out. Found my wife Texting another man for the last five months And meeting up with him one night. She had planned to meet in the second time but I interrupted that. She has done NC & everything else needed. Shows remorse and i see her own hurt. We are working on it. We have had some good times & the expected bad ones. I am bitter, hurt, sad & angry. I still compare myself to him. Was he bigger, better, more manly.....whateve. It was mainly all emotional for her. She wanted attention! I guess what i am asking for is how. How do i finally acheive acceptance? I have read some positive stories. I think that is what i am needing, wanting.....
I dont know. I love her, i am jyst so incredulous that she would fo that to me/ us!! I need some male support maybe. Some been there done that. How do i let it go....how do i get him out of my head. Im tired of comparing! Thanks for any insight. Hope there aren't too many typos as i am on my phone.

Posts: 46 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Houston
Stillkicking
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Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

#4 eew we no we are just friends


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
ontheslope
♂ Member
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtininHouston - sorry you have to be here, man.

Wish I could offer some better advice - I'm still dealing with my own issues (4 years out, mind you).

EAs are tough. I struggle with giving my wife freedom to have the friends that she wants to have. She has guy friends, I have girl friends. So... there's always that question of if a line is being crossed, at least with me. With PAs there is a very definitive black and white - you either did or you didn't. With EAs that line is so blurred. Makes your head spin sometimes and I think it may even make it harder to get over.

Has she addressed all of your concerns? Perhaps you still have questions that need to be answered?

Best of luck, man... I know my post probably didn't help much. Wish I had better answers for you.


Me: BH, 35
Her: WW, 36
Two girls 7 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.


Posts: 255 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do i let it go....how do i get him out of my head. Im tired of comparing! Thanks for any insight.

So sorry hurtininHouston. It stings I know. It will take some time and distance from the A for it to minimize. If your wife is truly remorseful and doing all she can to reassure you then it may be shorter.

In your own time you will come to realize that it really wasn't about who the OM really was as much as it was about you wifes own fuckupedness within herself. Put your focus there. Some of the menz here had OM who were a big step down physically, financially, etc. It's all about the ego stroking for your WW, thats it. The OM in my situation was a successful doctor/ bodybuilder. When I called him on the phone and cussed him out it was like talking to a 9yr old kid who just got busted stealing candy from the store. No integrity, no morals, no honor, no maturity. These "POSER's" as we call them are nothing more than an empty shell who prey on insecure women.
If you really want to compare yourself to this POSER then make sure you are comparing everything. I think you'll find you come out on top by far.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Houston,

Do you have IC available? Any type of affair wrecks your self esteem - and for some, it's a bitch getting it back. A lot to do with your own upbringing and life experiences. A good counselor can help you cope. I'm almost two years out and still struggle with the same things. Even with a completely remorseful and transparent spouse, this shit can take years to get over. That's with no new hurts.

I'm sorry you are here brother, but glad you found us.

And so far I concur with #'s 1-4. Nothing new yet.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
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