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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A couple of bad days
vmsr1976
♂ Member
Member # 36615
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the WS in my R.The story is typical and my signature explains it.

It all went down 20 months ago. After some time apart and extensive MC we got back together.

Both me and my BS were in IC too. Lots of progress in all fronts. Things have changed immensely. I feel like I am a diferent person, although I am not.

I have changed my dietary habits, lost 20 pounds, became more committed to work. I have also regained my love for music and I am playing with a promising band.

My wife started her own business after loosing her job. Work comes and goes but there is a foundation there.

She is also studying marketing and I am giving her all the support and incentive.
She also is spending her free time honing her skills as a amateur photographer.

Unfortunetly the OW decide to move in with her new boyfriend to just a few hundred meter from where we live. My wife sees her often. I have either been lucky or almost blind since I have only seen her a couple of times. My W and I never engaged her, we just ignore her.

My W lost her mother less than a year ago and that brought us even closer.
But after all these hard times, I can know say that I have never been happier with our common life.

However in the last few days I have felt odd and I have been quite irritable. My wife had to undergo a couple of exams and medical procedures and we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks. That could be part of the explanation.
On top of that, 2 nights ago I had some kind of nightmare were the OW showed up like a ghost.

Is this just the ebb and flow of getting back to some normality?


WH(me) - 36
BW - 36
Together since 20. Married since 26.
2 month A while Separated in Dec 2011-Feb 2012
Dday - Late April 2012
NC message 31 March 2012. Several NC breaks until September 2012
Complete NC (not even casual) since Early September

Posts: 78 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Portugal
tryingtwo
♀ Member
Member # 19717
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that you need to find a new way of handling bad things or times.

These things happen to everyone. There is often an ebb and flow with live, with love and with the sexual relations between a couple in an relationship.

None of these things should be left to fester, but also they need not be focused on like it is something odd. It is not.

I think the trick is to love with all your heart and mind. If your mind wanders, the heart may follow. If your heart wanders, trouble may follow. It can be a slippery slop.

Better to say to your wife, I am having a tough time right now. I am not as happy as I was and want to feel better about our life. It may happen today, or tomorrow, but I would rather work on our tough times with you, than try to pad the tough times with bad decisions with any one else.

Just love each other honestly and the rest will work out.

Bummer about the OW living so close. That is a really tough situation.



Innocent people generally want to get to the bottom of things. Guilty people usually want the discussion to be over as soon as possible.

Posts: 10313 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 2

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