Maybe if you tried to look at it from a different angle it might help you.
He hurt you terribly...
You both want to R...
You are helping him by being clear about what you need to heal. You are making it easier on him by letting him know exactly what you need. You are being open, vulnerable.
He is doing these things that you ask for because HE wants to. He wants to help you, earn your trust, help you to recover and build your life together.
Believe me, I am living this, if he did not have the desire to do what you ask, he would not. You could ask for what you need until you were blue in the face. You could cry, beg, plead, reason, explain...it would have no effect. He wants to do these things or he would not do them.
You deserve every bit of love, concern, compassion, comfort, remorse and safety that is possible. You deserve it. You are placing your trust in someone that has wounded you. You are holding out your heart to him, here I am going to give you a chance to prove yourself to me, I am risking myself for us. That is a huge gift.
You are not asking for these things out of "power" but because this is what you need to be able to feel safe and loved with him again.
Sometimes, to me, I feel like I am fighting every instinct inside myself that says "run". I think that is a natural response when someone injures you. It's as if you have to fight your own instinct of self protection to open yourself up to the possibility of R.
I hope this helps. I am only telling you my perspective and I certainly do not have a lot of confidence in my perceptions at this point. I am only saying what I would say to my daughter. Pray that it is right."So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie