As others have said, money won't erase the pain of the betrayal, but there are lots of reasons for pain, and I won't choose any for myself. Leaving without financial security or the hope of it would just be too painful for me.
If you won the lottery would you stay?
First of all..yes..I would consider leaving if I won the lottery. Would I? Probably not. I love my husband..I want this marriage to last.
But it would make me consider it. Yes..I have kids. Sorry,but they need to be cared for. I do not have the earning potential WH has. That is a fact of MY life. My marriage is not loveless..we are not setting a bad example for our kids. My house is not a war zone. What we ARE is a couple trying to R after a devastating betrayal. It's hard. Some day it would be easier to leave. Sorry if that offends you. Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick. walk a mile in my shoes before you tell me *I* am in false R. Being tempted to leave if I won the lottery does not equate to false ER..it means if I knew I could make it without my husband's paycheck,..and we all know it is very unwise to count on child support..then maybe I would try to start over. Being a SAHM sometimes feels like a doormat when your WH has cheated on you..TT..lies..you know..the usual,typical WS bullshit. When you are a SAHM, your options are limited. If a SAHm suddenly came into a lot of money,I wonder how many unremorseful WS's would suddenly come out of their fog and stop treating their BS like crap..because they know they can..because they have nowhere else to go?
Oh..Im taking classes. I am working towards a degree so I can support myself,and the kids,if we are unable to R.
Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then. I just found your comment a little...odd.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
After reading these answers, I think it's valid thing to ask oneself.
JMO, but I also think the answer can change from time to time. But if it is always an "I'd leave in a heartbeat and never look back" answer, then looking into some way to disengage from the relationship may be indicated.
Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick.
[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:00 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]
@ Bobbi_sue..who said Im over it?
Im not "over it" any more than any other BW who has been cheated on by their husband. I don't understand how anyone can R with a WH who had a LTA. Or multiple A's. Im sure it's horribly painful and difficult.
My situation sucks(pun intended..gotta find humor where I can). But I am trying. I love him. And he loves me. And while I have not gotten over it..I am learning to live with the fact that it happened. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.
I don't feel like I am any different than any other spouse on here trying to R. The people may have been different,but the betrayal is the same.
You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment.
[This message edited by confused615 at 11:07 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]
Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then
Um, she was begging him to find a new job, and not one where they would be living on top ramen. I don't quite understand your questioning his statement. How many BS's are clear they don't want to be their spouse's second choice? Like maybe most?
Not wanting your spouse to stay with you for just a paycheck is not only understandable it's healthy. Very. That's not a marriage. It's a sentence. If some find it worth it for whatever reason that's certainly their right. If someone else doesn't that is also very much theirs.
ETA: "You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment."
You seem to be doing a fair amount of that yourself.
[This message edited by uncertainone at 11:20 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
I actually understood your initial comment that you were not "over" it but that you were trying to R with him.
I am only saying that I understand other people want to R for whatever reasons, whether it was LTA, gay sex, OC situations, and sometimes financial security and issues come into play for part of the reason they try to R (as well evidenced in this entire thread).
My main point, and it does not make my way any better or more right than anyone else's point, is that for any of those situations (prostitutes, gay sex, OC, LTA, and many other possible circumstances, there would be no trying to R for me, even if I was dirt poor, which I was in my first M).
In my current M, based on what my H did, and his level of remorse, I did decide to R with him, and it was worth it. Again, money is not a factor for me. I could now afford to be on my own, but would most definitely still stay with my H even if we won the lottery. I am only stating a rather long winded answer to the question "If you won the lottery, would you stay?" And in my current M, the answer is yes.
[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]
Not every situation is the same. They have common threads. Not all WSes give two shits about what happens to their BS. I do. I have a lot of flaws to fix, but I would never have allowed them to go without.
I apologize to anyone I may have offended. My opinion was just that: mine. I didn't judge. I didn't scold.
DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA
Very good question, and I am sad to say I cannot answer.
At first I thought, I would definitely stay. I'm not too sure now.
I may leave him to chase his dreams, go off and chase mine and see what happens
We would however buy a new house with all new furniture.
I would also hire a PI to ensure that he really is truly not cheating.