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User Topic: If you won the lottery would you stay?
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Ostrich, my marriage is over. The money would make my life easy, which is all I want. I would, however, definitely give him money from the lottery. I just need enough.

As others have said, money won't erase the pain of the betrayal, but there are lots of reasons for pain, and I won't choose any for myself. Leaving without financial security or the hope of it would just be too painful for me.


Posts: 5611 | Registered: Jul 2002
joeboo
♂ Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you won the lottery would you stay?
I think I would be willing to give it a try, but as well as I know my fww, the euphoria of the money would cloud her ability to step outside of fantasy land. I am afraid it wouldn't have a happy ending for the M.



Posts: 1208 | Registered: Feb 2011
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Im a little suprised by some of the comments here.

First of all..yes..I would consider leaving if I won the lottery. Would I? Probably not. I love my husband..I want this marriage to last.

But it would make me consider it. Yes..I have kids. Sorry,but they need to be cared for. I do not have the earning potential WH has. That is a fact of MY life. My marriage is not loveless..we are not setting a bad example for our kids. My house is not a war zone. What we ARE is a couple trying to R after a devastating betrayal. It's hard. Some day it would be easier to leave. Sorry if that offends you. Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick. walk a mile in my shoes before you tell me *I* am in false R. Being tempted to leave if I won the lottery does not equate to false ER..it means if I knew I could make it without my husband's paycheck,..and we all know it is very unwise to count on child support..then maybe I would try to start over. Being a SAHM sometimes feels like a doormat when your WH has cheated on you..TT..lies..you know..the usual,typical WS bullshit. When you are a SAHM, your options are limited. If a SAHm suddenly came into a lot of money,I wonder how many unremorseful WS's would suddenly come out of their fog and stop treating their BS like crap..because they know they can..because they have nowhere else to go?

Oh..Im taking classes. I am working towards a degree so I can support myself,and the kids,if we are unable to R.

Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then. I just found your comment a little...odd.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard that sometimes therapists ask the question, "If money wasn't an issue, what decisions would you make concerning your marriage/relationship."

After reading these answers, I think it's valid thing to ask oneself.

JMO, but I also think the answer can change from time to time. But if it is always an "I'd leave in a heartbeat and never look back" answer, then looking into some way to disengage from the relationship may be indicated.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart hurts for that that feel stuck for money reasons or other reasons. I feel very lucky I am able to leave and know my children and I will be all right emotionally and financially.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick.
I don't judge anybody for his/her decisions. But just like I D'd my first H who went repeatedly to prostitutes, when I had no money or resources, there is no way I would stay married to a man doing that to a man, either, money or not.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:00 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Posts: 5684 | Registered: Apr 2006
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-t/j

@ Bobbi_sue..who said Im over it?

Im not "over it" any more than any other BW who has been cheated on by their husband. I don't understand how anyone can R with a WH who had a LTA. Or multiple A's. Im sure it's horribly painful and difficult.


My situation sucks(pun intended..gotta find humor where I can). But I am trying. I love him. And he loves me. And while I have not gotten over it..I am learning to live with the fact that it happened. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.


I don't feel like I am any different than any other spouse on here trying to R. The people may have been different,but the betrayal is the same.

You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment.

end t/j

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:07 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Sadwife222
♀ Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then

Um, she was begging him to find a new job, and not one where they would be living on top ramen. I don't quite understand your questioning his statement. How many BS's are clear they don't want to be their spouse's second choice? Like maybe most?

Not wanting your spouse to stay with you for just a paycheck is not only understandable it's healthy. Very. That's not a marriage. It's a sentence. If some find it worth it for whatever reason that's certainly their right. If someone else doesn't that is also very much theirs.

ETA: "You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment."

You seem to be doing a fair amount of that yourself.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 11:20 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confused,
I will try to reword that as I did not mean to judge but can see it might come out that way.

I actually understood your initial comment that you were not "over" it but that you were trying to R with him.

I am only saying that I understand other people want to R for whatever reasons, whether it was LTA, gay sex, OC situations, and sometimes financial security and issues come into play for part of the reason they try to R (as well evidenced in this entire thread).

My main point, and it does not make my way any better or more right than anyone else's point, is that for any of those situations (prostitutes, gay sex, OC, LTA, and many other possible circumstances, there would be no trying to R for me, even if I was dirt poor, which I was in my first M).

In my current M, based on what my H did, and his level of remorse, I did decide to R with him, and it was worth it. Again, money is not a factor for me. I could now afford to be on my own, but would most definitely still stay with my H even if we won the lottery. I am only stating a rather long winded answer to the question "If you won the lottery, would you stay?" And in my current M, the answer is yes.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Posts: 5684 | Registered: Apr 2006
TimeToManUp
♂ Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confused- I very much appreciate your input and place a lot of stock in your insights. I discussed this with TCD just now, and I would like to further clarify my position. I have always maintained that I would gladly live as a pauper so that my wife and kids would not have to. Leaving my job would have exposed my wife and children to the possibility of all of us living that way. If she left me after DDay, I would have taken my medicine and lived a poor man's lifestyle.

Not every situation is the same. They have common threads. Not all WSes give two shits about what happens to their BS. I do. I have a lot of flaws to fix, but I would never have allowed them to go without.

I apologize to anyone I may have offended. My opinion was just that: mine. I didn't judge. I didn't scold.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Wink  Posted: 4:44 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would stay married. If you asked me at a few months from d-day I'm not sure what I would have said!


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1392 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
hitbyatruck
♀ Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Money is a consideration. It is a consideration in most things I do that cost something. If I were to have hit the lottery shorty after dday I would have happily split the money and divorced. I would have to really think about it now that we have been in R for almost 3 years. But it would be great to have the option of leaving without thinking about money.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Apr 2009
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very good question, and I am sad to say I cannot answer.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 976 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very good question, and I am sad to say I cannot answer.

At first I thought, I would definitely stay. I'm not too sure now.

I may leave him to chase his dreams, go off and chase mine and see what happens


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would stay.

We would however buy a new house with all new furniture.

I would also hire a PI to ensure that he really is truly not cheating.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 458 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 76
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