She confessed to me yesterday that she knows about fwh's A.
Taking her to counseling this afternoon, to my IC, as she knows whole story, but what else to do for DD?
Advice please on:
FWH Role (she's furious with him), he feels like shit for doing this to all of us.
She's been holding this in since just about DDay, but didn't say. I thought I had put her mind to rest, not knowing that she knew what she did.
MOW predator should be very scared, I am pissed all over again. She has now affected my entire family of 6. Think I have some info her husband doesn't know, but will now. My fwh knows it's not just her fault.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
[This message edited by RyeBread at 2:44 PM, September 20th (Friday)]
I think it's a great idea that you are taking her to your IC appointment. Hopefully your counselor will be able to help your daughter see things in perspective.
Really sorry to hear that she has secretly had this burden for so long. I hope talking about it will provide her with some relief.
Daddy is hero, but Daddy is also a mortal. People aren't perfect and they fuck up. It's what the people do *after* the fuck-up that counts...... If your fwh is truly a fwh, then (hopefully) this mess will lead to your DD having MORE respect for her dad.
Also -- leave OW out of this. I know that this new twist has probably dredged up some nasty feelings in regards to her, but don't do anything that is going to stir the pot with her and invite her back into your lives (even in a negative way). Focus on your own family unit.....
(edited to change a pronoun)
[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 8:50 PM, September 20th (Friday)]
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
[This message edited by fourever at 9:05 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]
My heart breaks for you and your DD, as my family is brokenhearted too.
My DD and DS (then 16 and 14) found out about my WH's A 6 months before I did (7/12). The kids did not know how to handle it (who can blame them???) Horrible. Even worse, my DD confronted him last September, yet he continued on until February when he finally decided to move out and come clean.
My kids are traumatized. I cannot overstate how awful it has been. Add to that a waffling WH who can't seem to get to "full" remorse, although sometimes he seems really close.
If your FWH is truly remorseful, I think a heartfelt sincere apology in the presence of a C is the best option. I also believe she needs to be able to vent all her horrible emotions at him and he needs to remain calm, apologetic, and non-defensive. Then he needs to follow up with loving, consistent, actions and exhibit trustworthiness to all. It sounds like you have a better shot at this and making it right! I hope and pray that you can all find peace and healing.
Based on some recommendations here, I've purchased and started reading "Parents Who Cheat". My DD is almost 18 now -- I think I will give it to her after I've reviewed it. We need to find some semblance of peace and a path going forward.
Please don't get the MOW involved again in any way. Just NC, NC, NC. Nothing good will come of that.
I am so sorry that this dysfunction has been introduced into your children's lives as well as my own. It's a never-ending nightmare. I wish all of you the very best.