My entire life I had to bottle up my anger.... You can imagine what kind of damage that causedYes, so you need to learn to release it now. The first thing you have to learn is that it is okay to be angry. Anger is a natural emotion and we have a right to our anger. Some healthy ways of releasing anger:
Writing a letter to the person or situation that has you angry, holding nothing back, then burn or shred it
Loud music --screaming along with the verses (at least with music you have a REASON to scream and don't look totally insane...it worked for me!)
Vent to a friend.
Vent here on SI
One way to take a positive step towards stopping the abuse is to find a different job. This job is abusive. Don't worry about giving 2 weeks. Many people walk off the job. Of course it is always best to give a 2 week notice when possible for future references, but you aren't going to get good references from these people anyway. Screw them. Find something else then just quit. And you don't even have to do it face to face if you are uncomfortable. Call it in. Start taking your power back! Do what is right for you.....
I'm very ashamed to say that the night that I got drunk and then ultimately sick..... I cut myselfDon't sweat it. We all have our moments......
But since you realize you are vulnerable to self harm, then you do need to see an IC and learn how to take the steps to prevent that.
I tried counseling but I play such a good "role" it's hard for me to not give the right answers. I wasn't pushed to face my issues. I'm good at hiding and I haven't had good luck with counselors.
Write this down along with anything else you think is important for your counselor to know, then give it to them in a letter. Most counselors will not push their clients into areas they feel their clients are uncomfortable with and many times they wait for the client to bring up what they need to work on. If you are not good at that part, then write it down for your counselor. That should open the dialogue.