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Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trigger Day
c1n1m1n
♀ New Member
Member # 37042
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting close to a year since Dday, and I am farther than I was from the beginning, but some days it really doesn't feel like it. Yesterday I peeked in his phone and there was a message from her in his Facebook, fishing for conversation. I triggered so bad, messaged her that "this was his GF, and to go away" deleted that, and blocked her. I haven't told him, and either than perhaps an email notification, he may never know.

Was I wrong to do this? All I could think was that I didn't want that in my life, and that she needed to "go away" forever. Who waits a year to message and stir shit up? I'm certain he hasn't done the initial communication, so it's not him I'm worried about, I just think she needs to move the F on and leave us be. She has her pain to heal, and I have mine, I'm sorry she was dragged in and hurt by him too, but I don't have the time or energy to worry about it, and any conversation that would go on between the two would just slip me back into a dark void. I did think about testing him, to see how transparent he would be about it, but I need to concentrate on work and life right.

Why does this have to be so damn hard:(


"Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you."

“Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.”


Posts: 6 | Registered: Oct 2012
Amber13
♀ Member
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm nearly there too, and there are good days and bad days. I recently asked him to block her, and he did it gratefully. But it's hard. I trigger all the time but try to hide to it, I don't want him to give up hope that I m not going to get over it, do you know what I mean? I'm hoping it's just this time of year, and once it's over it will get easier. We have made it so far. Don't worry about what you did. Maybe you could talk to him about it, would he understand? Or otherwise just keep it to yourself, if he never talks to her again then he would never find out I guess.
Focus on your life, the good things.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pretty sure I would have messaged back as well, and I wouldn't feel bad about it either.

Come to think of it, I did respond to a FB message from my WH's FB a few years ago. She was an old girlfriend who had been private messaging him.

At the time I didn't realize the level of infidelity my WH was capable of. I'm pretty sure I intercepted an emotional affair waiting to happen, b/c she was definitely a slippery slope for him.

I laid down the law -- gained access to everything, insisted on passwords, yada, yada, yada...but then fell back into old routines, and began trusting again pretty quickly.

Almost exactly three years later to the day, I discovered a full blown EA with another old girlfriend. Then I learned of 2 ONS. And countless inappropriate texts and PMs with an unknown number of other women.

I'm not sure how long it will take for me to trust again.

Yeah. Pretty sure I would have responded, deleted, and blocked her as well.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
c1n1m1n
♀ New Member
Member # 37042
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank-you for the responses, I really appreciate it. The whole thing really made me a mess all day and night. Sometimes I think I'm going to be okay, while other days I just slip back down a dark hole of despair and mistrust. The triggers get less and farther apart, but they never seem to fully be gone. One day at a time for now.


"Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you."

“Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.”


Posts: 6 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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