Even so, and 3 years since dd, I still trigger when there. So I know how you are feeling.

My fwh works overtime to make me feel better. He also acknowledges how much better it is with me there, that people want to see me and that I'm the fun, wonderful side of him, so that makes it all bearable. Doesn't take away the bad thoughts that creep in, but helps to slightly subdue them. And, like you, a few drinks and I go off on him like mad when we get back to room too. He completely understands and listens, apologizes, etc.

A work in progress, that's all that can be expected of us after this.

I tried to use your example to get myself into a stronger head for today, but OW never showed up, so I guess it was just a trial run, because it is just a matter of time,
sooner or later, I will have to run into her.

Again...there are no coincindences...you were ready, you were prepared, you were going to handle this. The fact that you were prepared may have been the reason why you were not tested....or some other reason...but there is a reason.

I did this same "practice" run on my 1 year antiversary. I have a confidence now that seeing my wifes AP will not create the reactions it has in the past.

You will get your chance to prove to yourself that you are growing through this experience.

If you are like me, you can think it but until you experience it (live it, feel it), it is hard to fully accept....even when other people are telling you you have grown, you desire to confirm this by going through the actual experience you are growing through.

I follow your posts...you have grown. You will get chances to confirm this. Right now, enjoy the fact that you had a really good time living in the present.

God be with us all.