but also, I think you are right about this:

she got off on breaking up a relationship. It fed her ego to get a man to choose her over his wife.

Some just think that the A makes them special.

It is difficult to believe that there are such evil people in the world. I would love to think that most people have good hearts.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:34 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

Reconciling

What am I doing?

Desperate woman and married man are a match made in heaven

Actually, they're a match made in Hell.

[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 11:49 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]

Some single women date married men to avoid commitment. Some date married men because they at least know a married guy is capable of comitting. Some just think that the A makes them special. Some are bored. Some get caught up the drama.

There really are lots of reasons.

There's all kinds of reasons, but if they cry when they get dumped, more often than not, I believe it is because they are hurting. (Not that I care!)

One thing I truly have come to believe about a lot of people is that they often lack empathy, especially in situations where they are attempting to take something they want from someone else. They feel entitled to that something, and when they don't get it, or lose it their feelings are real, and they don't even consider the person whom they were "taking something" from. Their own feelings count, but nobody else's do.

The whore from my situation was actually married herself, but I believe she thought my H would be a step up for her, from her own spouse. She had an A with him when she was much younger, and he was married to his first wife. She was married that time also, to someone else, not that my H ever bothered to tell me that. I found out through my own investigations when I became more curious about what their history was. To this day, my H can't tell me where this supposed H was. I'm guessing he was in the military and she was staying with her parents. He did tell me her parents encouraged the A!

If I make guesses he will just say, "yes, I think that is right." He claims not to remember. It was 25 years prior to the A that happened in our M, and he does not have a good memory but you would think he would remember THAT.

But knowing how my H is, and with what I have figured out about the Whore, I think she likely highly romanticized him based partly on the fact he had an A with her when she was young. She probably thought he was "noble" for dumping her and going back to his wife.

During our M, she went after him after the deaths of his mother and DD, when he was out of his mind with grief. This is not to let my H off the hook for his part, but it was 7 years ago and to this day, I feel it was at least as much, if not more her fault this happened. I do not believe she could have been "just anyone." She was a very specific person who decided to use a very specific set of events to better her chances, and it worked, up to a point. Of course she got dumped. Again. And of course she cried. In fact I got to hear her blubbering and bawling on the phone when she attempted to leave voicemails for my H after she'd been dumped.

I'll bet she thought he was "noble" during our M too because he would not allow himself to be alone with her for long enough for her to try to get him involved in sex. Even though they said ILY to each other and verbalized plans to run off together, I'm fairly certain in her mind this reinforced in her what a good guy he was, and her life would be so wonderful if she won him (she most definitely planned to dump her H if mine would be her new meal ticket).

She also saw him as a very successful business man and "admired" him. I'm sure she was able to tell herself that I didn't appreciate him and didn't deserve him.

Even though she was (is still) married, I mostly put her with the group of usually single OWs who actually go after what they believe is a committed family man, because they think that is what they are going to get, if they get him away from his wife. My H would talk about the trips we take, the things we do together and certain women seem to really show signs they would go after that because they are jealous of the life we live. It starts seemingly innocent with them just comparing their own man unfavorably, and saying "how lucky your wife is" that you do this and that and the other thing. I hope she appreciates that! And then they would cleverly look for the bad days the man might have had at home, or any sign they might have an inroad to pursue...and they do it!

Her husband cheated on her with prostitutes.

She has had at least one other a with a married man.

Comment to h, "I can get any man I want"

Comment to me via text on dday, "you and I both know I am not the problem"

She confessed her sin to h, telling him she had been speaking to her priest about her sin.

I think she has never recovered from her husbands betrayal. She is so broken from it. She has never done the work to heal herself and she is trying to build her self esteem in unhealthy ways.

She did pursue h. Of course he opened the door to her.

She had no responsibility to me as an individual but for the life of me I just cannot understand how you go through that pain and then knowingly inflict on others.

Her subject of interest, her hook for h, was constantly texting about the "perfect" life, the "perfect" relationship. Something she will never attain as long as she continues this path.

Karma's gonna get you...

How can you not learn from this experience? How can you not gain compassion for others after going through it? To me, after going through this, I could never, never, never inflict this pain, be a party to this pain. How do you live with yourself? Narcissistic???

I was speaking to WH mentor (so not too close) who is also a BW

she said that it is always one of two things

the thrill of taking someone 'that someone else owns'

or it's because they don't want an entirely committed relationship. But a lot of the perks

Both shows that they don't have respect for other people.

She seems to think it's different for men though.

Huge generalisation but it rang true to me

I posted a thread a few weeks ago and got some interesting responses regarding homosexual women having 40% more male sexual partners than heterosexual women as they are not emotionally attached. Certainly very fitting in my case as she went complete NC with ex when I told her GF about the A. Proves how much they really loved each other!

In any case, I think women who meddle with attached men are just broken. Just as much as the attached men who have A's are.

I'm just glad I escaped from having to be in a relationship with such a lame effort of a human being.

1) she's entitled, this girl was never told "no" in her entire life
2) major daddy issues. The A started when she was 20 and my H was 45 - her dad died when she was 10
3) she loved the DRAMA of being the OW. She fed on it. It made her feel like a grown up...the intrigue, the danger, etc...

[This message edited by noprincess at 7:23 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]

She was divorced for the second time by age 36. Supposedly, her xh cheated on her. There is more to the story like her broken promise to him

She wanted the white picket fence sans kids. She couldnt find anyone except a married sa who at the time had a pregnant wife and toddler at home.

Small town. We know a lot of the same people. She knew he was married but chose to believe his lies. Hell, this past february she said to me, "I believe everything (wh name) tells me". What a shame.

She promised to share her inheritance (so far not a penny), promised he could live with her for free (he said free would last a month or 2), she funded both our moves (2007 and 2012) and probably his lawn mower ($3000) and who knows what else.

Ive read a fow who wrote here that she didnt think about the bs until the bs made waves. Then the ow demonized the bs so she could make what she was doing right in her head.

There could be many reasons why a female goes for a mm. The challenge. The thrill of winning. Desperation of not having a man and a mm being easy pickings (not much competition bc most women wouldnt go for a mm).

Truth is both the mm and ow have severe issues.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 7:25 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]

OW came into our home as a medical professional. WH was going through a mental health crisis and I had just had our second son 5 weeks earlier. There we were, 2 year old, newborn, overwhelmed new mom, husband going through mental health crisis. We welcomed her with open arms, relieved to have someone to help us, someone who cared. She held our newborn, my 2 year old brought her books to read. I cooked meals for her at a time when I wasn't even on my feet much cooking for my family. Within weeks she was fucking WH and would brag afterwards to him "I feel no guilt whatsoever!" A few weeks later she was trying to get an appointment for WH to see a divorce lawyer and telling him how she wanted him to walk out on us. I don't know what the fuck makes these women tick. Have a hard time believing they're not just plain evil.

My god - that is a whole new level of sick and twisted.

xOW (#2) was a divorced mother of 2 small children. She was D because she had a A because she was "bored" FWH knew her from HS and we ran into her at a bar in 2006 and in hindsight...now I know...she pretended to befriend me to get closer to him...

To her, trying (I say trying because she did not succeed) to take my H from me, IMO, stems from her alcoholism, childhood FOO issues and mental illness. He was a KISA to her..(fixing things at her house, we would both babysit her kids), and she is the "all about me" personality type.

Her mother is the same way - she had several As and felt entitled to what made her "happy"

Like I said above, it takes a special kind of evil for an OP to purposely sabotage a marriage for their happiness.

Side note - FWH was NOT blameless in this...he had very poor boundaries, was emotionally immature, which was a huge part of sending him to EA land. He didn't get off easy by any means. Lots of IC/MC and lots of work to earn back my trust. I took my vows with him, not OW; therefore, I owe her jack shit.

She is a twice divorced mother of 4. She pays rent to her mother. Drives a beat up car. Works from home making just slightly more than minimum wage. Is on welfare.

She was after my DH before he and I were married. She pursued him relentlessly. I even warned him about her the first time I met her. He laughed and said, yeah like I would have have anything to do with that skank (oh how things change).
She was looking for someone to take care of her. My DH has a great job. We have a nice home, I have a new car. I don't have to work. She wanted my life. And no matter how many times he told her that he would never leave me. That he loved me (I guess he did at the time, as well as his broken self could love anyone). That she was just a fuck buddy, yes he flat out told her that was all she was to him. She still thought he would one day leave me to be with her full time and she was willing to carry on the A as long as it took for him to decide to leave me so she could have him full time. Funny thing is, I left him without knowing about the A. The first thing he did was dump her and he hasn't talked to her since, other than once, April of last year, to tell her that we were back together and he never wanted to see her talk to her again. She had been stalking him and emailing him constantly since I had left and he had dumped her begging him to come see her which is why he established NC.

I can't imagine having that low of a self image that you would think that being nothing but a cum dumpster was good enough.

She constantly asked for a car, credit cards and more vacations, dinners and meetings in 5 star hotels.

She is just a big wanna be.

The thing that gets me is that in spite of this I think she was still determined to break up our marriage. I don't know if it was so WH would be more available when she wanted to see him or if it was just about "winning".

Their thought patterns don't make any sense and I don't think are anything we can ever understand.

Thank heaven.