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User Topic: I met the OW for the first time yesterday...
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started working at Ws's place of employment part time, cleaning the office and homes before they sell them. OW works on another lot 45 mins away and since I go in on Sundays when everyone is off I thought my chances of running into her were slim. I was wrong. She came by yesterday to exchange a printer because the one at her office was busted. She brought her daughter that is closer to my age than she is. I don't think she knew who I was. She gleefully introduced herself. "Hi I'm T, I work at the other lot in ___"! I couldn't even speak. All I could say is "Hi, I'm C" I pretty much avoided her the whole time she was there. When I came out of the kitchen area I caught her coming out of Ws's office and going into the other salesman's (she's rumored to have something going on with him now) and she had a big goofy grin on her face. Her daughter asked if she was messing with their stuff to which she laughed "Hush! I'm not doing anything." She then left. Turns out she unplugged their computers as a joke. It burns me that he already told her they were to have NO contact other than work and she is still trying to flirt by playing pranks. It really makes me wonder if they aren't still "friendly". Why else would she feel comfortable doing something like that. I'm sure she expects Ws to call her today with a "hey what did you do?". I was sooo mad I was shaking. I'm so angry at Ws for putting me in this situation and inviting OW into our relationship. He is MY husband yet I feel like she now has a piece of him. :( It hurts sooo much.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sounds familiar: She sounds like a headcase who is looking for attention from men. My WH's AP is the same way. Has few female friends, has always worked in a male dominated work environment which warps them, and she's very insecure underneath her "confident" exterior. Do you agree?

Did you talk with your WH about what happened? I think it's important to open the lines of communication up and just get everything out there even though this is awkward.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 892 | Registered: Jun 2013
LoveActually
♀ Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((cll31716)))

So sorry for your pain-I can't imagine having to face the OW under those circumstances and how horrifying that was for you. I read your profile and your husband sounds like he has intense boundary issues for sure. For her to feel okay about going into his office and playing a joke on him is a huge red flag for me. Somehow he has not relayed the gravity of the situation and how important NC is to him and to his marriage. Have you guys considered counseling? It sounds like you may need some help with this from a third party. Also, did you share with your husband what took place and exactly how you feel about it? If so, I hope he realized the seriousness of it and the pain it caused you. Hugs.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jan 2011
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did talk to him about it, right after it happened. I told him how upset it made me. It's been a struggle with NC from the beginning. At first he just avoided her and told her he was too busy to talk. After I finally told him to tell her I knew and there would be no contact other than business he sent her an e-mail stating that. She apologized and "agreed" to it. But then she would send him e-mails asking how I was feeling and talking about the baby we were about to have. She talked about things going on with her daughter a few times. She even asked for pics of our newborn son and he sent them. It felt like nearly every day we were having a talk about their contact. He wouldn't get it through his skull that in order for me to start healing he couldn't talk to her AT ALL about anything other than work. He just recently removed her from his friend's list on FB a week ago. Something I felt he should have done immediately. I don't know if he's trying to hang on, doesn't want to hurt her feelings, or he's really so stupid he thinks it's no big deal. I've tried to make my expectations clear but he falls short still.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yes I do feel she is an unhappy insecure woman that is looking for attention.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a bullshit move yes, attention whore. I think she was hoping you were there and how dare her speak to you like you even be interested in meeting her. What a skank. Even her DD knows, she prob broke the printer on purpose.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cl131716)))

She sounds ridiculous and immature at best. I'm sorry you had to meet her.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So dh sent her an e-mail per my request. I want him to tell her to back off, he's married, and wants nothing to do with her but this I'd what I got.

"My lovely wife is now cleaning the office and she wasn't too happy about unplugging my computer. Please keep it professional out of respect for my wife. She would appreciate it as would I. Thanks and sell sell sell."

Nice huh? So she got pissy and said she was just playing, it was just a joke, and I need to lighten up because she is not after him. I love how he invited her into our relationship but now I'm the crazy fool. Makes me sick. I hate all of this. I thought the email would make me feel better but now I feel worse. Didn't help that Ws was acting off tonight.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is not a NC email. He needs to get his head out of his ass.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
ok4now
♀ Member
Member # 35896
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In fact the words "lovely wife"sounds sarcastic.

Almost like you are crazy or over reacting to the situation.

I would be pissed.

[This message edited by ok4now at 9:47 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


BS - 39 (me)
WS - 33
DD - 6
D Day - 6/2/11 EA (would have been a PA if the OW was game)
"I'm not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore"
Blue de Chanel Commercial

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Maryland
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh HELL NO!!!!
You tell your WH to fire her ASS now and in fact tell him you will replace her and she can clean the toilets. No just fire her ass for the sake of your marriage. And if shes still married tell her BH about the affair and that she's still at it.
No NC letter.. Send it my mail to her home and contact the HR department too. If she's continues time to call the police and make a harrassment complaint.
Be strong


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"My lovely wife is now cleaning the office and she wasn't too happy about unplugging my computer. Please keep it professional out of respect for my wife. She would appreciate it as would I. Thanks and sell sell sell."
Reading this made me IRATE for you. WH blamed it all on you. *keep it professional*??????? Thanks????

I'm so sorry for you that your WH is so blind and selfish.

((((cl131716)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an incredibly rude e-mail your husband sent to the OW - rude to you that is, I would be fuming! And where does it say anything about NC? Ok, they have to work together (which in itself is pretty shitty for you), but I would surely get her to stop sending him chatty e-mails, which are asking questions that are none of her business. Don't forget the slippery slope often starts with "harmless friendship".
Her messing with your H's and other workers computers is definitly a reportable offence, maybe even sackable?
If your WH really had intentions to stop this, now would be the ideal time to get onto the bosses and get her removed from his life permanently.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spoke to dh about the e-mail last night because I felt he shoved all blame onto me. When he got home last night I told him "I expected you to FIGHT for our marriage and instead you threw me under the bus and made me out to be a controlling crazy wife that needs to lighten up. It totally shows that you still have no respect for me or our marriage." We had a very long talk about everything and in some ways I feel like he started to see the light. He said he didn't mean to blame me and just didn't know what to write. I should have told him apparently. I told him it's not difficult....you write what you feel. If you want her to STOP and care anything about our marriage you will protect it. Simple. I expect anytime an outsider tries to invite themselves in you should close the door quickly with "I AM MARRIED!" That's what I would do. He has agreed to counseling and is very serious about it this time. He has realized he has boundary issues, at least I think he is starting to see it. I made him read the messages between the two of them and he was very embarrassed and ashamed. I could actually tell by the look on his face. So I guess I am finally getting somewhere. *sigh*

I want to send an e-mail to other woman. I wrote one out but I want to know what you all think first.

Here's my e-mail:
Hello. This is Crystal, Brian's wife. I just wanted to make a few things clear. First off, I am not mad at you. My anger is directed at Brian but I do feel the manner in which you messaged him back in July was very unprofessional and disrespectful of both your marriages. You may have no boundaries in your own marriage, but I have set mine. While you may have been just "playing" with Brian, Jon, and Charlie that day I would simply appreciate if you no longer involve Brian. His disrespect for our marriage has shown me he can not engage in such "play". I do not need to lighten up considering the messages I read between you two. In fact, I believe I have gone easy on the both of you. I very well could have sent Jon and your husband the messages and I doubt either would have been very happy. I am in total shock Brian would stoop as low as he did and engange in such disgusting banter but he did and we are dealing with that. I do not think you are "after him" but I find many of the interactions between you two very inappropriate and I just wanted it to stop. That is all.
Thank you,
Crystal


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and Ws is going to put in his two week notice soon. He applied for another job and is looking for others. He's also shutting down his FB for now. Some improvement I suppose.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"...I just wanted it to stop"
correction: "I want it to stop"
no "That is all"
no "Thank you" -what do you have to thank her for, shouldn't be doing it in the first place!
Otherwise great, short and to the point and remarkably civil considering the circumstances.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

overanddone: Okay I will make those changes. Thanks. Believe me, there is more I wanted to say. Like "perhaps if you put as much energy in your own marriage as you do "playing" with other men, you would be happier" or something to that effect. She's confided in Ws about how "unhappy" she is in her marriage. I REALLY just wanted to say "Listen you whore, leave him alone or I am going to expose everything." I tried to be somewhat subtle with the threat. I may still do it....after Ws moves on from that place.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO, HE should write the NC e-mail - not you. It just makes you look how he portrayed you to begin with. If it comes from him, it sends a very clear message.

And I'd still tell her BS. Again, IMO, he has a right to know.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lalagirl-I agree but I can't find his info to send it! She has her friend's list set to private and there is nothing on her Facebook page about him. I even googled him and can't find anything. Apparently, she has been married 3 or 4 times already. Kind of shows her respect for marriages. I am still looking though.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First line of OW when it called me (didn't know it was OW) " I am not after your husband. I have a boyfriend."


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9652 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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