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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: almost 1 year antiversary
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It feels a lot like my antiversary, since it was Monday morning 364 days ago that my office manager brought me my mail at 8:30 am and in it was the anonymous letter that blew up my life as I know it.

Here we are a year later. What a difference. I posted last week about it, but I wanted to say that we both feel grateful to the bastard that sent that letter.

The letter was designed to hurt me and by hurting me hurt my H. It backfired. We are in such a good place, a place we never would have reached if the truth hadn't come out.

I have decided to celebrate the one year antiversary. I have named it ALA for Authentic Life Anniversary, since we were not living an authentic life together before and we are now.

My H is in charge of the celebration, which is set for tomorrow night. He is, frankly, not good at these sorts of things. My expectations are not high, but I am interested to see what he will do.

Since we are approaching it this way I am actually looking forward to it. I'm even getting off work a bit early.

I'll let you all know how it goes!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

catlover - good for you!!!

I am no where near where you are this far out... I'm happy when others seem to be moving forward.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4530 | Registered: Dec 2010
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a wonderful idea!

Posts: 33949 | Registered: Mar 2011
Searchingforhope
♀ Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

catlover..

You are an inspiration to those of us who are trying to heal..


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((catlover50)))

I have decided to celebrate the one year antiversary. I have named it ALA for Authentic Life Anniversary, since we were not living an authentic life together before and we are now.

Wonderful!!! just WONDERFUL!!!!

I continue to enjoy cruising in your wake....this whole authentic, intentional way of living has so much more promise then what we were doing before...doesn't it.

Am praying and thinking of you today!


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone! Your support means so much.

So far--got home last night and my H had gotten me a dozen long stemmed roses and a lovely card and bottle of wine to start things off. This morning he joined me in the tub and thanked me for making this year possible. And then showed me his gratitude.

We changed our sheets to the deep purple silk ones I bought to celebrate.

Don't know what tonight holds yet, but so far so good!!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



Don't know what tonight holds yet, but so far so good!

Me thinks I know what tonight holds!

Enjoy and thanks for sharing!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2114 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

update.

Well, he blew me away!

My H has always been romantically challenged. I maintain that romance is about thinking about the other persons wants and needs and that has not been his strong suit. Well, it is now!

I got home a bit early and he had been busy. The day before he had run all over town making preparations. He had appetizers and wine set out and dinner prepped. He had two more cards for me. After eating and drinking some he had me open the first card, which was an apology card. Then we went outside where he had laid a fire in the fire pit (which we actually hadn't used in years so he had to buy wood). He started this beautiful fire and asked me if I wanted to ceremoniously burn anything. We both did and for me, it was about letting go of some of the ugly memories.

Then he made dinner, one of my favorites, (he doesn't cook so I did have to give some advice!) and we ate and I opened my second card, which was all about the future.

Then we went upstairs to the bathroom. Ever since dday I have taken a bath every single day; I call it my "hug" that I really needed at the time. He has also taken to joining me and at least once a week we take a nice long bath together. I have hung colored lights, have candles, etc. So, last night he had gotten me a three wick scented candle called "Drift Away" and also a selection of bath salts. He brought in romantic music and our wine and we enjoyed a nice soak and talked about how far we have come in the last year.

Then we retired to the silk sheets.(By the bed were two of my favorite sweet treats.) We had a lovely intimate time and I'll admit that I cried.

I highly recommend the silk sheets if someone is interested in a romantic splurge; I got mine on Amazon where the price was more reasonable.

I feel that I have forgiven my H at this time. I actually followed someone here's suggestion and wrapped up a box with the word forgiveness in it for him last night. He said it was the best gift ever. I told him that I haven't forgotten but that it was no longer between us. I asked him if he had forgiven himself yet and he said no. I told him that since he can't change the past all he can do is be the man he wants to be now and he is doing that.

He showed me last night how very much he has changed. He is no longer the man who went down that horrible path so many years ago. I love this new man so much. I did say last night that it was ironic that when he felt the black hole inside him his response was to become even more selfish, when what made him feel whole was to become more giving and open.

I know that we are not done and we still have work to do, but a year ago I would never have dreamed where we would be now. I told my husband that now I know what he is capable of romantically and he said good! He plans to continue. We plan to continue to mark this date in the future.




Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful!!!!!!


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 10

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