Some of their reasoning just boggles the mind!
me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15
Have you ever heard of the book "love languages"? A lot of the time our WS don't quite know how to ask us or cope with an "empty love tank". We may not think it's empty for us, but it *could* be empty for them. NOT SAYING this is the reason they A. The reason I've seen people A is because they lack good coping skills and communication skills to tell their partner that their love tank is empty. The AP for the most part is the one feeding it. So no matter how ugly someone may be, they look better and better if that person is feeding the love tank with WS love language. In my case, my FWS had multiple OW, each of them fulfilling a different need or another that he felt he couldn't get from me. AGAIN doesn't mean I'm at fault for not giving him what he needs specially since I didn't even know in the first place cause he didn't ask and didn't know how to.
I hope that made sense.
True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.
Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.
She stroked his ego and all he could see is the reflection back of his overwhelming awesomeness.~unarmbears
It really doesn't make sense, does it? To get your ego stroked by some other person, oftentimes a person not physically attractive at all, but a person that has low moral standards. My FWH AP cheated on both of its husbands. Probably on every man it was with. I would not be complimented at all if some cheating scumbag hit on me.
But, thats just it. We are BS's. We don't feel and think like WS's. We need to not put ourselves in their place and say "This is what I would feel, so this is what the WS must feel." Really, the sooner you stop trying to make sense out of what they did, the better off you will be. 'Cause it just doesn't make sense. Even over 3 years out from d-day with a remorseful FWH, it just doesn't make sense.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
[This message edited by scaredyKat at 8:54 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]