It is a good place to be for you though. It is filled with kind and compassionate people that know first hand the pain caused by infidelity.
You are in shock. You are reeling and have just boarded the roller coaster ride from hell.
You will have ups and downs and the corners suck as well.
But yes, you will make it through. You will come out the other side one way or another. You will, I promise. It is just going to take time. TIME...an ugly four letter word.
On average it takes 2-5 years to heal. I tell you this because it is so raw and new for you.
Right now, breathe and try to take care of you. I know it is hard. I remember first hand the hurt and devastation you are describing.
All the questions you have are normal. Scary and hurtful but normal. Perhaps ask a few at a time. You will want to ask because if you don't then they will drive you mad.
I hope you can get into IC and your husband as well.
You can make it. You can. It takes a lot of hard work and tears but you can make it.
Post often and know that you are not alone.
Good luck. Hugs and prayers.
Yes...you will be ok. Yes..you will be happy again. Yes..the pain does subside.
But it will take time. Right now you need to just take care of yourself. Make yourself eat something. Drink plenty of water. Don't push yourself too much. You have been traumatized,and you need to take care of YOU right now.
What is your WH doing to help you?
He needs to:
Answer all of your questions without blame or being defensive.
Give you full access to all of his accounts and his phone.
Write a NC email to OW..and you send it.
Get tested for STD's..you need to do this also.
Go to IC to figure out why he did this.
Be completely honest with you about everything.
This is a process..but you will be ok.
Im 3 years out..with a remorseful WH..Im happy..really happy. I remember those first few days. I literally shook from the pain. I couldn't believe it was possible for a body to feel so much pain and still live.
But I lived..and so will you.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
We have all been there unfortunately. I am a veteran and have buried a parent and NOTHING comes close to this kind of pain. Nothing.
But.... you will get passed it one deep breath at a time. I am pulling for you because deep inside I know how you feel.
It'll get better, you'll see.
Divorce final 3-13-13
Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
I found out 18 years from my fwh last A and he had been having sex with others for the first 10 years of our relationship.
I know it is hard to take right now. Just get up and keep moving, keep busy and communicate with your H
Get a good IC and same with your H
I would suggest not going to MC until you both have seen a IC and your H has made some progress.
Please come here for support and get a good IC
Healing myself is now my top priority.
I am so sorry you need to be here. The others gave you great advice. There is much benefit to be had by reading and posting here, it has been so helpful for me. I hope for you, too.
It has been 6 weeks since I caught my husband in a long term affair with a co-worker. I was completely and violently swept away by the pain, just as you, I couldn't believe how badly I hurt. Emotional pain translated over to physical, too, with a twisting stomach and vomiting etc.. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't function at all most days. My kids watched a lot of movies and ate lots of crackers and fruit for dinner.
But...at a certain point, I began to feel kind of numb and distant from it all. I think that you just can't sustain that level of traumatic pain indefinitely, your brain finds a way to protect itself. The pain is there but you don't feel it constantly, every minute. Just most minutes. Then every hour. Then less. This week I had my first good day, which was a day where I didn't cry, made meals/ took the kids to activities, and cleaned the kitchen.
It will get better, apfahl. Cut out every nonessential responsibility you can, put the housework and kid care on your husband, try to do something to nurture yourself.
Hey girl, I'm on day 23 after finding out my husband of 19 years had a 1-1/2 year affair with his first girlfriend and love of his life. I actually found out about the affair 1 year ago, but he lied to me for an entire year. So actual d-day was on 9-1.
I'm literally on a roller-coaster, calm one minute, a complete wreck the next. I've lost 20 lbs. and I still have NO appetite. People stopped trying to force me to eat. The pain, the betrayal, he did it 3 DAYS after my BD. Then waited 9 months and started seeing her regularly. I was hospitalized during the first encounter, and I can't tell you how hard this has been on me.
Then on the other hand, the need to be with him is soooooo strong. I need him to want me, to love me, to reassure me, and then I think of what he did and I hate him all over again. All I can think about is getting even and tearing his heart out. But I'm NOT going to do that, at least not yet. I just hurt, and I'm sorry there are people out there that only care about themselves. They don't care what type of impact this will cause and they certainly don't care about the spouse.
I'm journaling and writing on these forums. I got close to committing suicide last Wednesday and I won't even post what my insensitive husband did, sometimes I wonder what the hell am I doing? If I did this to him, he'd be out the door calling me dirty.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to vent to you. Drink wine, but not a whole bottle at once, unless you want to throw up for 2 hours! Chin up!
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth.