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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just found out he's engaged
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

It's been ten months since Dday (well, in 2 days). I have filed for divorce and mediation is set for Oct. 30.

Just found out two days ago, he and the OW are engaged. I knew that would happen, but did not anticipate it would happen before the divorce was final.

I didn't think this would upset me, but it has. I am mourning the marriage to the man I THOUGHT I married, not the narcissistic, self involved, selfish, heartless man I know him to be now.

] know this is just another bump in the road. Before finding this out, I have been feeling, I don't know, more accepting of the situation. I found my laugh a few weeks back, which is wonderful. I've had moments of peace and contentment. So, it does get better.

Today, it is my birthday. I am 55 years old today. Did not think this is where I would be at 55 - divorcing. I am slipping a bit back into that thinking, of what was wrong with me?? I know the affair was about him, his dysfunction. But, on some level, I take his affair as a complete rejection of me, of the love I had for him. That I was not enough. I know that thought is not true, it's just a manifestation of my own low self-esteem (which is probably why I married him - he always had a bad temper and I accepted that.).

So, a few more tears to be shed over this (again). I am not as devastated as I was before. I have not been rolled up in a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out. I spent a lot of time doing that. So, I know that I am stronger and moving on. It just hurts today.



I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course it hurts, and you're entitled to some tears - not that he's worth them. You know that, don't you? He's not worth one sleepless night, one moment of your time, or one iota of your emotions. Don't feel less than the wonderful, strong, proud woman that you are - it's HIS loss, after all. YOU did nothing wrong, except love and accept him, with all his faults. I'm so glad that you are not as devastated as you were by the initial dday, and that you have gathered your strength in the ensuing months. And Happy Birthday too, even if it may seem bittersweet right now.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 363 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Dawn!

Sorry that your stbx continues to be a thorn in your side....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{hugs}}}}

But here's the flip side to his engagement.....

He's HER PROBLEM now.

Thank the Powers That Be for karma.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6454 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Want To Wake Up
♀ Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dawn...

&


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 469 | Registered: Mar 2011
MediumRare
♂ Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Dawn!

You know 55 is today's new 40.. and you lost a lot of weight- 200lbs of cheating douchebag loser, so that is something to celebrate too!

As K9 put it, you luckily are rid of that jerk and at 55, you have so much time left to find someone who will appreciate, respect and cherish you... someone legitimate to enjoy your golden years with... all the while Mr. Loser will be treating his next victim like dirt, cheating and philandering on HER, not YOU.

Sorry for your tears and pain. I just know you will bounce back, mend that broken heart and emerge in so much a better life & situation.

Good luck to you!


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 712 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Dawn, go ahead and grieve. Even if he is not worth your tears...It's okay. Because you know he's one big ol'douche'.

Much love to you on your BD. 55 is the new 40...I should know, I just turned 55

Stay strong my friend, the best is yet to come.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's NOTHING wrong with you, Dawn58. You are worthy of much love and happiness.

I hope you find some peace and joy on your Birthday. Next year hopefully won't hurt as much and you will be having new adventures.

(((Dawn58)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16428 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he and the OW are engaged

Karma in the works---they are both getting what they deserve---each other. And you are free from it.

Please read Traildad's post "Is this how it begins? " in the New Beginnings forum. I pray for something like that to happen to you Dawn58.

I know it is so difficult right now.
Sending you hugs & strength.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
AussieMum
♀ Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Dawn! You have a bright future ahead because you've got rid of the rubbish

Think of it this way - she's now stuck with him and you are FREE. So sorry you're hurting right now. Take care of yourself.


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy birthday! I am just a few years behind you.

As for that shit union...the odds are SO AGAINST it.

Continue to move forward with your life. Good things do happen to GOOD people.
You will find happiness without him.

Wishing you a wonderful birthday and a fantastic year ahead.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2090 | Registered: Nov 2011
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


hugs to you

Check your PM


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
vivere
♀ Member
Member # 34465
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, September 23rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Dawn!!

It sucks that our emotional brain engages so quickly and our logic takes a minute or three to catch up! Just shows how normal you are.

I'm glad you know that you are more than enough and that this is just another bump in the road.

A toast to you, on your birthday, being stronger and moving on.


You are responsible for your own happiness :)

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2012
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 4:25 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Dawn, I understand your pain. I also know the release and peace that this finality brings, even if it takes awhile.

Happy birthday, it may not feel like it now but you've been anded a gift.


Posts: 463 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
ctdean2004
♀ New Member
Member # 39637
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup - I agree - He's going to be her problem now and guess what? Doesn't matter - he isn't going to be happy.

Happy Birthday to you and may you find some peace and strength in your journey forward. Proud of you.


Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Rec

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww Dawn, Happy Belated 55th Birthday. I'll be there myself in a couple more months. Don't know how it's possible since I'm still 25 on the inside. LOL.

Yeah, I totally get what a shitty thing your BH has done - and continues to do - all in the pursuit of HIS happiness because after all...this is HIS world, we just live in it.

What a joke - getting 'engaged' while he's still legally married. And what kind of classless IMBECILE wears this ring and actually believes she's going to live 'happily ever after?' Is she learning challenged?

You know Dawn, one day you're going to be given the sheer pleasure of watching these two crash and burn. It may not happen for another 10 or 20 years, but one day, you're going to see it happen. Because sooner or later, the cosmos always manages to find a way to right itself, doesn't it?

But honestly? By then, you'll be healed and moved on and the only thing you'll feel is indifference. And what a glorious day that will BE for you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Dawn58))))))

Happy Birthday!!!

Think of this birthday as a celebration of your new and free life - you deserve no less.

More hugs,

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
5yo GS & 18 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4961 | Registered: May 2007
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((HUGS)))))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - Make sure you do something special and maybe even a little selfish for you!


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday Dawn!!

Hang in there! This too shall pass! You've come a looooong way!


Separated - working on R

Posts: 451 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I remember correctly, she will be his 4th wife? I think that says it all. Four, five, six--after a while, it becomes clear that HE is the problem, not the wives.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 24
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