Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.
This just hurts. I was at my divorce support group last night and the facilitator was going through the local newspaper and there was a picture of my husband and his mistress, which she cut out and shared with the group. Had lunch with a friend yesterday and she works in SB and told me the rumors were flying that my husband and mistress were married.
I need NC. Any news I get about him, at this point in time, only causes me pain and upset. I soooooo look forward to the day when I am indifferent, but I am not there yet.
My birthday wish for myself this year, was for my heart to be healed. To have freedom from my narcissistic, self absorbed, selfish and heartless husband. To be happy again, joyous and free. To surround myself with caring and loyal friends. To continue to pursue my passion at school. To continue to grow stronger, more confident and most importantly, love myself. I am a strong, beautiful, caring, loving and kind woman. I will not be defined by his selfishness, his affair or this divorce. There are moments when I want the karma bus to mow him down. There are times I don't understand why I can't speak my truth about what has happened because I will be viewed as the vengeful ex-wife. There are times that I want justice, now.
We have gone through hell. We have walked through the fires of despair, pain, self-doubt, anger, blame, shame, rage and confusion. We are stronger than we know and my prayer is to get to the other side. For as deeply as I have felt the pain and angst, is how deeply I will feel my happiness, joy and love on the other side. That is my wish for all of us.