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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The light bulb finally went off
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night the light bulb went off in my head. For 16 years I have lived in fear of WS. He never once expressed unconditional love to me and so I hid things - finances, speeding tickets, shopping, etc if I thought he would get mad. We did discuss it and it was a long but nice talk but i realized I am still doing it and I'm done. I'm working on it and I know my fear didn't happen overnight so it will take time.

I also realized that forgiveness is key for me. While working on myself I decided I am tired on the anger and bitterness that seeps out into my life. It comes out toward my kids, family, friends, life in general and it isn't necessary. In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me. I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

I have also been putting WS first for far too long and always worrying about his thoughts/feelings/actions and I know I can't control him. What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy, do the things I enjoy and love and take care of my kids.

I know I'm rambling but it's been a good "me" day and I want to reflect on these thoughts/feelings when a bad day hits.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think this is a great step. The only person you can ultimately control is yourself.

I'm glad you were having a good day today. Hoping you have many more.


Posts: 7481 | Registered: Dec 2010
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep walking forward, sistah! You've go some good realizations going on!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and I had similar light bulbs!

These 2 quotes from you says it best for me as well.

In forgiving I am not saying I am healed or that there won't be feelings of anger but I am choosing not to let it take away my joy or affect those around me who have done nothing to hurt me.

What I hope he does is continue to love, respect me and work on himself but I can't make him. I can only choose for myself to be happy

More power to you, no matter what happens.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 24th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some great insights Princess.

However, I don't feel you have to do this, evah.

I realize that with time I even have to choose to forgive OW.

It might happen, but don't put pressure on yourself that you have to forgive the OW. I feel I will get to indifference for the OW, but I don't know if I'll ever get to forgiveness. And that is just fine, I will heal regardless.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indifference would be ok with me, I can't say anything negative on this board but there are a lot of other options that would be ok with me too.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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