I saw similar behavior in my wife when she was 40. She wasn't at all immature when I met her at 23. Think of the movie American Beauty. Acting like dumb kids is often what they do when entering a mid-life crisis. I think you should go nuclear, and if that doesn't work, implement the 180 (see the Healing Library).
So sorry you are going through this, cl131716. Best wishes.
Definitely start the 180 and you look after YOU now and those little ones.
[This message edited by OldCow18 at 7:10 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]
What do you mean by going nuclear?
cl131716, I mean kick some ass, in a figurative sense of course. Don't put up with this kind of nonsense. Set up a meeting with a divorce attorney and find out your options, and let him know all about it.
It sounds like your H needs a reality check.
Don't let him tell you otherwise. I think we have all been there---I just don't know why we doubt ourselves when they tell us that "it's nothing" or "you're insecure", but we do. I doubt that he would feel this is "harmless" or "friendly banter" if YOU were the one doing the texting.
Be strong! I recently put on my bitch boots and I think I saw a pair with your name on them. I'm going to sleep with mine on-they feel so good
Oldcow-I really hope I did catch this in time. I am definitely not letting it slide. I told him last night if he doesn't step up and FIGHT for us I'm done. I will no longer be disrespected in such a way. I also told him if he ever flirts, chats, adds a woman on FB, or anything of the sort it will NOT be tolerated. Period.
Regardless of how it's labeled, it's extremely inappropriate. I don't know his age, but I'm struck with the level of immaturity displayed by both parties to these texts. Calling a man a "hoe" and a "hoochy", besides being weird, sounds very middle-schoolish.
I agree with the above. But cheating is a rather ambiguous word that could refer to things like cheating on tests or taxes. Generally, when I think of it in context of relationships, I think of it going a bit beyond what I saw in these immature, idiotic texts to either actually planning a physical encounter, and/or exchanging more emotional stuff. It could most certainly be a lead-up, hoping for an A, but I don't see this, in itself as cheating.
With that being said, if he has cheated in the past and still thinks it is okay to do this sort of texting when he is "bored" if I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to get out and I'd file for a D.
The very fact he has to delete these conversations means he knows they were wrong.