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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why don't people judge anymore
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, September 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Momof79 - I think they find out quick who is or is not accepting. They glom on to the accepting crowd, because it's better for them.



Posts: 14362 | Registered: Jun 2008
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think deep down, in private, a lot of people DO judge - but what can you do when you work with the person or they're your neighbor or whatever?
Yes, I'll agree, but do they have to invited them to cookouts and hang out with them? There is tolerating them at work functions and not calling them an asshole to their faces, and then there's "hey, come on over, we're having a bunch of friends over! why don't you join us?"


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think they find out quick who is or is not accepting. They glom on to the accepting crowd, because it's better for them.
Yes!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3364 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, September 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know. I totally don't get it. I judge cheaters and always have since before I knew I was married to one. I cannot have friends that do not share my core values. It's hypocritical.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS claimed that even his IC told him he shouldn't feel guilty when he went in for his first session.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because the bad behavior is basically common place. If you started isolating everyone who was involved in an A, you would be greatly limiting your social circle and your networking capability. Not so great in the business world. Look at the statistics on this crap.
Sad, right?

Further, given the stats, the majority of people are somehow involved in an A, so they are naturally disinclined to condemn others for the behavior.

Another reason: many times the BS stays with the cheater. In this case, isolating the cheater, isolates the BS. If the BS chooses to forgive, so too must the social circle.

Personally, I'm choosey about who gets into my inner circle, the friends who are close to my heart. As far as the periphery and the neighborhood BBQ, forget it. It is virtually impossible to rid it of cheaters. Why waste the energy....


Posts: 914 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, September 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I judge if the person is cheating on their spouse at that moment in time. My BFF cheated on her spouse I still love her but now she is a different person in my heart
I hope she finds herself and becomes the person I know she can be.
There are those that cheat and turn their lives around and become better people! Have to believe people can change.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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